"You will someday come to see that there is no use for the incessant internal chatter, and there is no reason to constantly attempt to figure everything out. Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It's the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems."
I believe that cultivating mindfulness is paramount to healthy relationships, lasting happiness, and fulfilled sex lives. The book The Untethered Soul, by Michael A. Singer, is a well-written foray into mindfulness as a path to true and lasting happiness. The beginning of the book was laugh-out-loud funny (at least for a mindfulness nerd like myself) as the author describes our inner voice as a roommate who talks incessantly and is incredibly irritating. As the book progresses, though, it's not necessarily for the casual practitioner of mindfulness; it challenges us to recognize how deeply we protect our comfort zones. This protection serves as a restrictive cage that limits our ability to ever be deeply happy and experience real life. A lifetime of past hurts have become stored energy patterns that we constantly monitor so that we don't feel that hurt, angst, discomfort, shame, weakness, disappointment, etc. again. THIS is an exhausting way to go through life. And very reactive and disconnected.
I think the author's words do the best justice to the power of this book, and here are some of my favorite quotes:
"If you can’t get the world the way you like it, you internally verbalize it, judge it, complain about it, and then decide what to do about it. This makes you feel more empowered."
"True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not okay and needs protection."
"Your inner growth is completely dependent upon the realization that the only way to find peace and contentment is to stop thinking about yourself. You’re ready to grow when you finally realize that the “I” who is always talking inside will never be content."
"You will not be able to solve anything outside until you own how the situation affects you inside."
"What you’ll find is that the only thing you really want from life is to feel enthusiasm, joy, and love."
"You can actually feel the fears and insecurity of a five-year-old when you’re sixty."
If you'd like to take your mindfulness skills to a new level of awareness and reflection, I highly recommend The Untethered Soul. It rocked my socks off! (Also, if you'd like a Word document of my favorite quotes from the book--there are many!--than feel free to email me and request it!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, San Diego Relationship Expert