Are you still enjoying sex? Do you have happy naked fun time with your partner, or does it feel like tedious naked boring time? Alas, you are not alone. One of the biggest surprises to couples in long-term relationships is that the passion and drive at the early stages often wears off over time. If this sounds familiar, I recommend some Happy Naked Fun Time in your near future! Let me walk you through each part…
HAPPY. Choose to look for the positive traits of your partner, and be optimistic about your relationship. When we have been together for a while, we seem to focus more on what’s not working, instead of feeling gratitude for what is working. So spend this time together and consciously share several things you appreciate about your partner. When both people share heart-felt appreciation, it makes the vulnerability of sexuality easier and safer.
NAKED. Naked bodies rubbing together – yay! Skin-to-skin contact just feels good. It also releases the bonding hormone oxytocin that facilitates relaxation and contentment. Plus, if it’s been so long that sex feels foreign to you, or seems like too much work or effort, just being naked is a great way to start feeling comfortable with this level of intimacy again.
FUN. Sometimes when sex has become a chore or been neglected, it’s like a heavy, impenetrable weight. Even the mention of sex cools the room. However, if you remove all requirements, expectations of performance, or end goals, and just enjoy sensuality together, this can lighten your load. So do not have sex as the goal. Instead, be silly, playful, and enjoy the sensual connection.
TIME. Yes, you must make the time for this! One thing I consistently hear from couples is that they believe sex should be spontaneous. But for some couples who have been together for a while, and who have a lot of competing priorities, sex may not rank high on the priority list. Or it might rank high for one person, but not the other. It’s not unusual to hit a point when sex won’t happen unless you plan. We make time and schedule in activities that are important to us. If sensual activity is important, then schedule time for some type of intimacy, with no requirement on how that time is spent. Happy Naked Fun Time is perfect for this.
So think outside the box to keep your sexual relationship interesting, particularly when lagging sexual activity is causing problems. I wish you all Happy Naked Fun Time!
(This was originally a blog post as part of the Sex Blogging series for Pacific San Diego Magazine.)
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Sociologist, & Sexuality Speaker