Dr. Jenn's TEDx Talk on Sexual Shame

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What I'm Reading
  • Gone Girl
    Gone Girl
    by Gillian Flynn
  • The Secret History of Wonder Woman
    The Secret History of Wonder Woman
    by Jill Lepore
  • Dear White America: Letter to a New Minority (City Lights Open Media)
    Dear White America: Letter to a New Minority (City Lights Open Media)
    by Tim Wise

Sex Tips for Tent Camping

Does camping in nature inspire your friskiness? Or does the experience of bugs, dirt, discomfort, and stinkiness quash your libido? I believe that the fresh air and relaxation, with your evenings by a campfire, can offer some outside the box opportunities for sexual connection and play.

"What are the most important things to make sex more enjoyable when camping?" I asked my friends this past weekend. We were seated around the picnic table, enjoying two days and nights of tent camping in a Julian, CA, campground for the 4th of July weekend. And although I was sleeping alone in my tent, I felt inspired to write a blog about sexy time when camping. After some joking and cajoling, our group mind came up with some pretty good tips. (Note: These tips are more specific to campground camping in a tent, instead of RV camping or hardcore backcountry camping.)

1. Comfort. For comfort's sake, I really recommend an air mattress. I understand that this is the opposite of hardcore camping, but for most folks, the physical and mental rigors of "real" camping just won't evoke sexy feelings. I suggest a higher quality self-inflatable air mattress that does not leak air during the night. Otherwise, the hard ground under your butt or knees while trying to roll around in passion can just mean painful sex.

2. Cleanliness. Consider cleanliness and odors, particularly depending on how important these are to each of you. It's great if there are showers and bathrooms available, to keep up with your normal hygiene patterns. If not, bring some wet wipes and baby wipes (for genitals) to spruce up. I also recommend paper towels and water in your tent. All of these can be helpful for before, during, and after sexual play.

3. Privacy. If you or your partner are self-conscious about noise or creating sexy shadow puppets on your tent walls, choose your spot carefully. If possible, choose a tent spot that is in a more secluded area and doesn't have a bright light that will shine on your tent.

4. Slow down. Are you camping at a higher altitude? Then slow down, because even if you're in good physical shape, the exertion of sexual activity with less oxygen can leave your heart pounding -- and not in a good way!

5. Teasing. Also in terms of taking a slower approach, why not start your erotic exchange earlier in the evening by the campfire? Campfires can feel romantic, relaxing, and mindful. Tap into this calm, non-goal-oriented energy to kick things off. This can go in so many directions, such as kissing, touching genitals or breasts through clothing, offering sexual words of affirmation to each other, or sharing sexual fantasies.

6. Bugs. And finally, be aware of bugs such as mosquitoes that can get into your tent. Do a flashlight search of your tent at nighttime to guarantee you won't have mosquitoes nipping at your ass during sex!

I hope you now feel ready to add some spice to your camping this summer!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker



Summer Lovin' - Quick Guide to Summer Romance

Summer loving had me a blast,
Summer loving happened so fast,
I met a girl crazy for me,
Met a boy cute as can be...

What is it about summer time that seems to make us feel more romantic? San Diego Living (Ch. 6) brought me in to discuss this as we launch into summer time. Is it the warmer days? Longer daylight? Less clothing? Nostalgic feelings? All of the above! I also share some tips about harnassing the sensual feeling of summer to ignite your summer romance.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist, & Sociologist


What is Mindful Sex? Mindfulness, Women, & Intimacy

Mindfulness and sex - my two favorite topics to talk about! And who better to discuss mindful sex with, than the sexpert couple in Tampa, FL, who refer to themselves as The Love Birds! (Which totally makes sense, because they've been married a long time, they are sex and love experts, and their last name is Bird!) I met these two a few years ago at the annual AASECT sexuality conference, where we hit it off immediately. Chuck and JoAnn Bird are good people. So I was thrilled when they asked to interview me for their weekly radio show Intimate Chat with the Love Birds.

*Click here to open a new window that will play the radio interview.*

I join their show at around the 18-minute point. We discuss how mindfulness is vitally important to breaking negative relationship patterns, what's needed for female sexual empowerment, and tips to put mindfulness into action. We also explain our running joke about Nut Porn ;) Have a listen and let me know what you think about sex and mindfulness!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist


4 Tips to Avoid a Vacation from Hell

Yeah - a romantic vacation! It means time away from work with your partner. But will it be a relaxing trip by the pool? Or an outdoor adventure? Or an exploration of art museums and architecture? There are several important factors that need to be discussed ahead of time with you partner, to make sure you're on the same page, or at the least that you understand your partner's expectations and perspective.

I discussed this topic with Marc Bailey on Channel 6's San Diego Living, coincidentally days before his upcoming vacation to Alaska with his wife. Happy travels!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist


What does Compassion have to do w/ Sex?

Consider these utterances:

All men are assholes.

I know how to get women into bed.

I didn't even know the bitchs' name the next morning.

I’d rather fake an orgasm than have to tell my partner what I like.

My message that "We are all in this together" (see previous blog about my billboard) indicated that we as humans all want to be seen, acknowledged, understood, respected, and loved. However, as reflected in the above statements (that I've actually heard before), compassion and sex don't necessarilly go hand in hand. Love, respect, and understanding are important in such an intimate act. Even if you've just met the other person, they are still another human being who is worthy of respect and kindness. But our patterns, projections, fears, and walls of protection get in the way of this basic fact.

American social norms encourage much judgment and shame around sexual expression. We plaster sexual images everywhere, but are also quite prudish. There is so much discomfort around sex, and frank sexual conversations are often avoided. Sexual expression can be stigmatized and anything outside of a narrow range of "normal" seen as wrong. However, if we remember that as humans we all are on this wild ride of life together on this planet, and that connecting intimately with others is one of the most beautiful things we can do as humans, we may be able to be a little kinder to our partners and even random people.

We share, as humans, the vulnerability of wanting love and connection. We could dislike this feeling of vulnerability and run from it by projecting negativity on others in an attempt to protect ourselves. OR, we could realize that we all share these same basic fears and deep desires. This common humanity unites us. And I hope it motivates us to inspire love and compassion, instead of fear and disconnect.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker