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What I'm Reading
  • If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path
    If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path
    by Charlotte Kasl
  • Eat Move Sleep: How Small Choices Lead to Big Changes
    Eat Move Sleep: How Small Choices Lead to Big Changes
    by Tom Rath
  • Love's Executioner: & Other Tales of Psychotherapy
    Love's Executioner: & Other Tales of Psychotherapy
    by Irvin D. Yalom
Tuesday
Nov182014

The Best Sex She's Ever Had

A lot goes into great sex: Affection, attraction, anticipation, location, surprise, and much more. To spur your imagination, we spoke to seven women who shared their sexiest, most mind-blowing experiences, then asked experts to help us understand what you can learn from them.  

"Our coworkers could have caught us in the act."

This new guy and I had been casually flirting on the job for a couple of weeks. We worked at a photo studio that shot models and clothes and lifestyle products. One of my chores was to manage the product closet. One day I was inside cataloging when my crush came by to chat. We started joking around ... and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. The closet connected to a conference room, so I quickly shut the door. It wasn't too long before our clothes started hitting the floor. He'd just peeled off my panties when I heard voices. We froze. My boss had come into the conference room with some coworkers, apparently for a meeting. The guy stared at me. I stared back. Trapped! So why not? We picked up where we left off. The thrill was insane: a new guy, a crazy new experience, the risk of discovery. Even better was trying to be quiet. When I was about to climax, he gave me his shirt to bite down on. It smelled like his cologne, and my orgasm was seismic.
—ANGELA, 32

WHY IT WORKED
The fear of being caught sends a gusher of adrenaline and endorphins through your system, heightening the passion, says Jenn Gunsaullus, Ph.D., a sociologist and intimacy counselor in San Diego. But there's a subtler kick too: Fooling around in secret makes you both feel that you're sharing a special bond—and that connection can linger after the act.

Click here to read the rest of this Men's Health Magazine article by Jennifer Miller.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist, & Sex Counselor

Friday
Nov142014

TEDx Talk on Sex & Female Sexual Shame

Discussing Sexual Shame in TEDxTalk on SexSexual shame impacts us all. I delved into sexual shame around the world, specifically for women, in my second TEDx Talk, presented on September 27, 2014, at TEDxPhoenixville in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I led the audience on a journey that explored global perspectives, their personal experiences, and how we all have a role in doing something different to improve female sexual empowerment. I really do believe that we're all in this together, and that compassion towards ourselves, our partners, our communities, and people around the world is vital regarding sexuality. Please spread the word!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sex Speaker, Sex Counselor

Tuesday
Nov112014

Overcoming "Female Sexual Dysfunction"

There are a lot of women in America who struggle with some aspect of their sexuality. Nonetheless, I'm not a fan of the terminology "female sexual dysfunction." So the first step to "overcoming" this, is to let go of this pathologizing phrase. Women's sexual desire and experiences have a very broad range of "normal," so don't assume there's something dysfunctional going on.

Speaking about Female Sexual Dysfunction at the Women's Health Conversations Conference in Pittsburgh, PAWhen this terminology is used, it's generally referring to low sexual desire in women. In long term relationships, this is very common; so common, I would actually call it the norm. This is not problematic, in and of itself. Where it can be a concern, is if the woman misses her sexual feelings and desire, or if her partner is not feeling fulfilled sexually (which can then be related to not feeling loved or connected).

So if this is a concern of yours, what can you do about it? I think it's important to figure out the main factors at the heart of your low desire. Is everything else amazing in your relationship, but you just feel no drive? Then find out what does get your juices going, whether reading erotica, touching yourself, or fantasizing, and commit to doing that a few times a week to remind your body that you can feel desire.

Do you carry resentments towards your partner because you feel unloved or not nurtured? Take the 5 Love Languages Quiz and figure out how to ask for and get your needs met. Are you bored with sex and try to avoid it? Check out books like Getting the Sex You Want or Urban Tantra to reinvent your sexual landscape. Are you way too tired at the end of the day to even consider sex? Start scheduling "intimacy time" during mornings or weekend afternoons; just start with cuddling or Happy Naked Fun Time, and see what blossoms. Do you struggle like many women do, with thinking your body isn't attractive enough or perfect? Write a list of 20 things you love about your body and review that every day to retrain your brain towards appreciation.

Are you experiencing pain during sex? If so, it's no wonder you don't desire sex! Try to identify where the pain is located...is it deep inside? Then notice if certain times of the month and certain positions make a difference. Is it near the entrance? Perhaps a new thicker lubricant could help. Although there are some serious reasons why pain may be present (e.g., vaginismus), the most common reason is that the sexual interaction is moving along too quickly and your body hasn't had enough time to warm up and get blood flow and engorgement of your genitals. Women can take upwards of 20 minutes to be fully aroused, and that's even when you're enjoying what's going on! So ask your partner to slow things down.

And finally, are you giving yourself permission to be a fully sexual woman? Do you negatively judge a "very sexual woman"? Perhaps you're still carrying the heavy messages around being a "good girl" that you grew up with, and they are interfering with being present and having fun during sex. Write down all the traits that you think are part of enjoying sexual activity, and one by one start integrating them into your sexual interactions. You get to decide who you want to be as a sexual woman.

If you're experiencing low desire as a woman, you are definitely not alone! I hope this gives you a few new directions to consider in addressing this.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist

Thursday
Oct302014

How Can Costumes & Role Playing Improve Your Sex Life?

Does the thought of donning a wig and feather boa in the bedroom sound silly, sexy, or somewhere in between? Since we're in the Halloween spirit, this morning on San Diego Living I discussed how costumes and props can be used all year long to turn a stale, serious, or predictable sex life into one that oozes fun, surprise, permission, and creativity.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist

Wednesday
Oct222014

October Den E-Newsletter

What does October bring? Horrors for sure! The fun kind for Halloween and the dangerous kind when it comes to breast cancer awareness. I discuss the "pinkwashing" of America during October, my lastest TEDx Talk, recent appearances on the San Diego Living, and upcoming talks with the San Diego Opera and Women's Health Conversations in Pittsburgh. Below is the beginning portion of the newsletter.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ENTIRE E-NEWSLETTER

 ~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist