Maintaining Stability & Passion Under Financial Strain - Interview on Fox 5 News

With all of the focus and fear around the economy, I don't want to add to the drama or scarcity perspectives. However, I was interviewed by Kristina Lee of San Diego Fox 5 News this morning (it will be aired on the 10pm news on Thursday, October 30) about how to keep money problems from negatively impacting a long-term relationship. I think this is a great question!

In times of financial strain, paying attention to and nurturing the health of our relationships is particularly important. When it comes down to it, our connections with other humans is fundamental to our well-being. However, money problems can lead to stress, and stress can lead to resentments, and stress AND resentments can reduce our sex drive and ability to be vulnerable and authentic.

What to do?
A B C ' S

A - Appreciation. Appreciate what you have already, financially and materially. This is a way to change your focus from scarcity to abundance. Also focus on your individual strengths, the strengths of your partner, and the strengths of your relationship, and express gratitude for this. This is an obvious yet powerful shift from negative to positive and is imperative for a strong foundation of security, stability, and love in your relationship.

B - Be Honest. Are you spending money and hiding it from your partner? If yes, check in with your motivations behind the spending. Are you an emotional spender? What needs are not being met and how do you use spending to fill that void? Also check in with how this dishonesty can be undermining your relationship. If your partner can't trust you financially, that is a huge burden of stress you're imposing on them, and your spending is likely causing stress for you as well.

C - Clear, Concise Communication. Schedule a meeting once a month with your partner to openly discuss your financial concerns (and financial successes, as well). Discuss your priorities, spending habits, needs, desires, and emotions. Be specific about what you are committed to in your finances. You can also use this structured time to check in with the health of your relationship overall and talk about these commitments.

S - Sex! Could you guess what the 'S' would stand for? I actually mean this to include the big picture around intimacy and sensuality. Are you looking for fun activities that don't cost much? Sex is free :) And how about other sensual activities? I think massage is the perfect activity for times like these between partners, whether feet, head, back, or full body. A massage: 1) is free; 2) reduces stress; 3) increases positive hormones; 4) improves sensual connection and intimacy; 5) allows you to prioritize your intimate relationship, even if just for a short time.

Do you have any other suggestions and ideas on this topic? Please comment here!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Nominated for BEST VIDEO PODCAST AWARD! In the Den with Dr. Jenn

Please Vote!
We were nominated for BOTH "Best Video Podcast" and "Best Produced"!

The official two-week voting period starts today.
Please Vote until November 6!
There's one catch - you can cast a vote once EVERY 24 HOURS.
But please vote at least once, if nothing else - I would really appreciate that!

It takes about one minute to vote.

1) Click on this link: http://www.podcastawards.com/

2) Vote in "Best Produced" and "Best Video Podcast" for In the Den with Dr. Jenn.

3) At the bottom, fill in your Name, Email Address, and whether you're a Listener, Podcaster, or Both.

4) Click Submit on the right. You may receive an email to "Verify Your Vote" - just click on the link they provide and you're done.

5) Go back after 24 hours and do it again! (If you would like daily email reminders for the next two weeks from me, just email me and write "Hook me up, Dr. Jenn!")

NOTE: They are hard core about people not illegally voting more than once a day from a particular IP address.

Thank you so much for all your support and time - keep your fingers crossed!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Breast Cancer Awareness - Think Before You Pink

In Session #63 of In the Den with Dr. Jenn released last October, I spoke about the politics of breast cancer. Although I don't have a podcast session this fall on the topic, I would like to reiterate how important I think it is to "Think Before You Pink."

There are so many products with pink ribbons on them. Breast Cancer Awareness is the "darling" of corporate American because it makes the corporations look like they care about our mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends. It's an incredibly powerful emotional marketing ploy. While a SMALL portion of what you pay for the product may go to breast cancer research, I think it's very important to know where the money is being directed, how it's being used, and whether the company produces products that could be CONTRIBUTING to the increase in breast cancer (e.g., environmental toxins, increased estrogen-like ingredients and additives).

I appreciate the work of Breast Cancer Action because they direct their attention and research funds towards prevention. And they offer a lot of helpful educational information on their web site!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

New Meetup.com Group - Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships in San Diego!

If you're living in San Diego, check out the new Meetup.com group I just started to promote healthy sexuality, happy relationships, and open discussions around intimacy.
Click here:
Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Sex Issues in Voting

There are so many sexuality-related topics relevant to this November's election, such as marriage equality (i.e., gay marriage), reproductive rights (i.e., abortion), comprehensive sex education, health insurance, HIV/AIDS prevention.

Are the rights around these topics important to you? If yes, please make sure you are registered to vote. Depending on your location in the country, the deadline to register may have passed, but some areas are still open. I think this YouTube video called "5 Friends Vote" by a bunch of Hollywood stars is a poignant and cleverly entertaining way to encourage folks to register to vote, and give them the online link to find out how!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

The Shadows of Sexuality

Are there parts of your sexuality that you dislike, judge harshly, or deny? Have you ever had the sense that the more you try to deny these parts of who you are, the more they run you? You may also find yourself judging those same characteristics harshly in others.

In the October issue of Vision Magazine, I wrote an article about the nature of the shadows of sexuality and the beauty in shining a light on our shadows. The following is the first paragraph of the article. Click on the link below if you would like to read the entire article!

In a society with an inclination to plaster sexual images everywhere, sex is still very much in the shadows. Sexuality is often laden with shame, embarrassment, guilt, judgment, and stigma, so its shadows can be heavy and frightening. It is imperative to address the shadows of sex to see it is a natural human experience, as well as a powerful force. When such a topic is mired in silence and misconceptions, it can lead to many personal and societal problems, such as abuse and exploitation. The politicians and religious leaders brought down by public sex scandals are perfect examples of individuals whose shadow elements have surfaced in unhealthy ways.

Read the rest of "The Shadows of Sexuality" in Vision Magazine.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego