October 07, 2009

Love Your Body Day 2009 - San Diego Press Release

October 07, 2009/ Jennifer Gunsaullus

Love Your Body Day Expo Educates Women About Body Image and Holistic Health

San Diego, CA—October 7. A Love Your Body Day event will take place in a Little Italy wine bar and offer a San Diego flair to this national day. Celebrating women, health, and appreciating deeper beauty, the expo on Thursday, October 22, runs 5-8pm at Tango Wine Company (2161 India Street). Local female professionals who specialize in health, fitness, and well being coming from a variety of perspectives will be on hand to teach, offer resources, and entertain.

The NOW (National Organization for Women) Foundation’s Women’s Health Project launched the Love Your Body Day campaign in 1998. This day formed as a national day of action to speak out against advertisements and images of women that are harmful, offensive, and demeaning. Each year on Love Your Body Day women around the country say “no” to twisted beauty standards and hazardous advertisements by holding rallies, speakers, house parties, classroom discussions and more.

This San Diego celebration of Love Your Body Day is a free event to proactively encourage women to honor and appreciate their bodies. Education, activities, and healthy snacks will be available from practitioners addressing women’s holistic health and well being, including nutrition, sex & intimacy counseling, massage, expressive arts therapy, dance, yoga, and acupuncture.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, a sociologist who works as a relationship & intimacy counselor is spearheading this event. To learn more about the event, visit: www.drjennsden.com/LoveYourBodyDay2009. To contact Dr. Jenn, call 858-880-5944 or email Jennifer@drjennsden.com.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

September 28, 2009

Erotic Play Workshop - Insider Information on Opposite Sex!

September 28, 2009/ Jennifer Gunsaullus

Last week I presented an Intimacy & Erotic Play workshop as the final presentation of my Women & Intimacy Series at Tango Wine Company. We had a nice size crowd of 18 participants...and this time they weren't all women. There were two men in attendance, both husbands, and both older than the majority of the women who were in their 20s and 30s. I appreciated having this valuable and different perspective in one of my interactive workshops!

One of the gentleman mentioned afterwards how much he appreciated being able to witness the candid perspectives of so many women. I've been thinking about this since he mentioned it, and thinking about how rare it is to be privy to honest (yet facilitated and educational) perspectives from the other gender. Usually we hear bitching and stereotyping.

If this interests you, you could form your own version of this. For example, ask a few men who are willing to be honest, respectful, and deep, to form a panel to answer predetermined questions about dating, relationships, sex, and women (such as, What is the most frustrating aspect of dating women? or What is the most amazing thing about being with a woman?). Then gather your women friends to sit quietly to listen and learn.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

September 15, 2009

Quick Fix for Sexless Relationships?

September 15, 2009/ Jennifer Gunsaullus

If you've experienced how verbose I am about any sexual or relationship topic, you won't be surprised to hear me respond NO to the above query. However, there are two basic questions you can ask yourself to start digging at the foundation of a lackluster sex life:

What does having sex mean to you?
What does not having sex mean to you?

When I write "mean," I'm referring to the compelling emotions surrounding these questions. For example, one woman I presented the first question to exploded, "What does it mean? It means I'm just taking care of my husband like I have to take care of the house, the kids, and my clients at work." Yikes. Lots of underlying resentments. Generally resentments represent needs that aren't being met. In this case, she was not feeling nurtured and cared for, and feeling overwhelmed with emotionally managing so many others.

In another case, I asked a male client in a "sexless" marriage what not having sex meant to him. He sadly replied that he was unable to have a level of closeness and intimacy he craved, intimacy that made him feel good about himself and connected to his wife. Having sex with his wife validated his self worth as a man and a loving husband.

When sex is "missing" in a relationship, just trying to spice up the excitement level rarely addresses the depth of the hurt, resentments, and walls that have built up. Gently pulling back the layers of hurt and disconnect and replacing them with appreciation and vulnerability (with a kick of creativity) is the best "quick fix" I can recommend.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

September 01, 2009

When a Man Becomes a Woman - Recommended TRANSGENDER Book

September 01, 2009/ Jennifer Gunsaullus

Jim Boylan knew there was something odd happening when he snuck into the extra bedroom to try on his mom and sister’s dresses. But he had to do it. However, as She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders illustrates, being a man who knows he is a woman, in his heart and soul, is only partly about dressing fancy in heels and make-up. It’s a piece of the puzzle, but one that does little justice to the complexity of this topic.

Some of my sociological learning was that women and men are fundamentally the same (despite having different genitals and reproductive systems). We only seem so different as women and men because we are socialized that way. I whole-heartedly agree that a large part of gender is socially constructed, but stopping the argument there does not advance our understanding.

There seems to be something(s) that structure the male and female brain differently, and our socialization tends to amplify these differences (and sometimes creates artificial differences). The wiring of the brain, underlying structure, and hormone amounts and receptors seem to push us in a direction that ends up being interpreted as male or female. I think it is here that explains why some folks identify as transgender, despite their physical attributes to the contrary. They feel like they have the “brain” of the other gender. Some, like Boylan, describe it as the soul of the other gender. But if we lived in a society that allowed for great flexibility in expression of gender and didn’t stigmatize “feminine” males and “masculine” females, this might not be experienced as such a disorienting juxtapositioning of brain, body, and soul.

Jennifer Finney Boylan is an author with a wonderfully smooth and entertaining style of writing. She’s Not There is her memoir which concludes at age 45 with her transition to living fully as a woman. It’s incredibly poignant and honest – the good, the bad, and the ugly – but the humor carries you along.

If you ever wondered what it was like to view the world as a transgendered person, how relationships can endure such a shift, the impact on children, family, friends, and colleagues, what it’s like to experience the world as both a man and a woman, and the value of unwavering love and support, you will find the answers in this powerful book.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

August 25, 2009

Being Naked & Body-Image

August 25, 2009/ Jennifer Gunsaullus

I took off my sunglasses and beach skirt. I then removed my bathing suit and placed in on a picnic table. I walked to the edge of the water, stepped over the wall, and lowered myself into the pond. All the while, I was pretending I wasn’t self-conscious about walking naked in public in the bright afternoon sun. Of course I'm used to walking around naked, comfortable in my body in front of strangers and friends. Who isn't?! At least I knew no one would stare at me and judge me, because it was natural to be naked and everyone around the pond was naked. Oh, but I was staring at them. Where else do I get to observe so many random naked bodies in person? In so many shapes, genders, sizes, colors, and ages?

Last month I flew to San Francisco for a camping festival weekend several hours north of the city. It was hosted by a music society, so dance and thumping music were the norm amidst the gardens by day and blazing stars at night. As well, there was a beautiful manmade pond, lotus flowers and all, offering respite from the 95 degree heat. It was around this pond that all the campers were naked. And it was because of this pond that I agreed to go on this trip with some friends.

Most of us are not used to being naked around strangers, and many of us aren’t used to this around friends either. This has always made me feel nervous as my body-image concerns flare up and I worry about being judged for not looking perfect. I decided it was time to tackle this issue head-on when invited to attend the camping trip.

It sounds cliché to say that the experience was freeing…but the experience actually was freeing. I loved the warmth of the sun on my whole body. I loved swimming underwater with no clothing resistance. I really liked being able to just be me in my body with no pretenses. It was a gentle reminder that I’m fine, my body is fine, and that I may as well appreciate and enjoy what my body has to offer because there’s always something for which to be grateful. Although awkward at first, I was calmed by how easy it could be to be around a group of naked folks who were just being who they were. So I was just who I was. And I enjoyed it tremendously.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

July 01, 2009

Women & Intimacy Series - Workshops at Tango Wine!

July 01, 2009/ Jennifer Gunsaullus

I will be conducting a set of 3 workshops at Tango Wine for the Women & Intimacy Series! For 3 months in a row, starting in July, women will be gathering for these fun, interactive, and lively events.