The value of Journaling for emotional expression

When counseling women and men, I often suggest journaling topics for homework. The topics are usually heavy or uncomfortable emotions, with questions to answer in a free-form writing assignment. Although some folks resist writing activities, I know that it can be a way to use stream of consciousness to tap into hidden beliefs and values. And the process can help get to the core of troubling emotional or behavioral patterns.

One of my specialties in couples counseling is facilitating between the different communication and emotional expression styles that women and men have. I just found the following discussion at About.com on Men's Health and the potential benefit of writing to specifically assist men in expressing emotions:

"A well known psychologist, James Pennebaker, has demonstrated that emotional expressions can benefit health by the simple device of keeping a diary. The diary provides a outlet for emotional expression and not only appears to have a positive emotional effect but improves immune function as well. In fact written emotional expression has been researched in terms of benefits to physical health, physiological functioning and daily living activities; in each case with positive findings. Could the simple act of keeping a diary be a useful compromise for men and bridge the gap between their inability to transmit, receive and manage emotional messages? (Source: adapted from Lee, C & Glynn Owens, R (2002) The Psychology of Men's Health. Open University Press.)"

I think writing a journal for one's own benefit is a powerful access to creativity and emotions. As well, I suggest writing letters to your partner if verbal expression of emotions is difficult for you. This is a great step towards strengthening your self expression and connection.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Cooking Up Seduction Video Teaser

Introducing the new video series with Chef Jenn & Dr. Jenn...

Cooking Up Seduction
~Where the culinary arts
meet the erotic arts~

How do you make love to an orange?
Click HERE to view this show teaser on YouTube.

EPISODE TOPICS
1. Home-made Chocolate Body Paint
2. Sensual Eating
3. Luscious Peach Cobbler
4. Edible Body Dust
5. Home-made Sex Ornaments
6. Sexy Human Sundae

The shows are in the process of being edited...

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Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

What is bliss? Why is it worth "finding"?

I was lying flat on my mat. It was time for savasana at the conclusion of a rigorous yoga class. I felt happy and relaxed…but there was something else. It was an overwhelming feeling of joyful contentment. I was surprised to recognize that I was feeling blissful.

The term bliss is perhaps more often used regarding sensual delights such as consuming a dark chocolate ganache, the deep calm after experiencing waves of multiple orgasm, or the emotional context of a wedding. I believe there are many paths to bliss. I think the yoga class opened a pathway to bliss because of its holistic approach to the body. Not only did I physically exert myself, but I was also mentally proud of my accomplishments and emotionally soothed through the deep breathing. Socially I had created positive energy and shared this connection with other yoga students. And spiritually I felt integrated as a full being.

What comes to mind when you think of bliss for yourself? What contexts and experiences induce blissful feelings? It can be helpful to use a holistic breakdown to approach this topic, like I did with my yoga example. Are there activities that merge many facets of yourself and open the space for bliss? We all have experiences that assist in achieving this state, whether it’s a massage, the flow of dance movements, viewing an expansive vista on a hike, or watching a baby sleep. Choosing these means you are exposing yourself to experiences that allow for your release to the splendor of the moment.

Why do we care about bliss? If there is an opposite state to stress and anxiety, this is it. Perhaps bliss is always within us, available to tap into by removing blocks and accepting what is there. Regardless of how you find it, creating paths to your own bliss can help remind you that it’s all going to be ok. And that’s a beautiful feeling.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Play with 3D Sex Toys online!

My good friend Rob, a technology guru who fancies himself a sex guru as well, has created this great way to interact with sex toys online. It can be hard to know whether you are purchasing the right product when you can't hold the object in your hands, especially with toys that are oddly shaped or particularly expensive.

Click on THIS LINK to interact with four 3D sex toys and play with this cool technology.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

The American Religion at Christmas - Consumerism

I was watching the news Thanksgiving night. The reporter was outside Target and Best Buy interviewing soon-to-be shoppers, camped out in their tents for the night. They wanted to be the first people in line at 4am when the stores opened for Black Friday.

The next day I watched a brief interview with a Buddhist scholar. He stated that the unifying religion of America is consumerism.

And the following day at a tasty home-made brunch, I had an insightful conversation with an elementary school teacher and mother about the values of materialism she witnesses at a young age.

Although the link between consumerism and my work in relationships and sex may not be immediately apparent, I think the values, priorities, and escapism are intimately linked. As a nation we strive to acquire more possessions. Shopping when we feel down is called “retail therapy.” After September 11 we were instructed to be good Americans or good New Yorkers by buying more things and spending more money.

This focus on the superficial keeps us constantly striving to fill a void that can never be satisfied in such a way. There is always more to want. There is always a reason to seek out a new (i.e., younger, wilder, richer) partner through the grass is greener lens. There is always something stimulating to distract us from uncomfortable emotions and difficult personal growth. This can keep us diverted from the present moment and the relationships we could be nurturing.

If I can offer one suggestion during this holiday season, it is to question what makes you happy, and how you can strive for a depth of fulfillment in your life and your relationships. At the end of our lives, I really do believe it is the quality of the deep connections we had with others that truly matters. So where can you make a shift this December from spending money to spending quality time? How can you be creative with your gift-giving, and give the gift of joyful presence? Who can you positively impact with the generosity of your energy and beautiful spirit? Perhaps it could be a friend, partner, parent, sibling, neighbor, or child. I think any shift in perspective here will reduce the focus on stress, money, and possessions, and redirect to lasting feel-good connections.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

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Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego