Flirting through texting is a good thing - seriously. I don't think that technology today is interfering with all real communication, and flirting is a good example of something that can be facilitated and potentially enhanced through the media of texting. I spoke about the Dos and Don'ts of flirting through texting today, specifically for folks who are over 40 years old, on Channel 6's Wake Up San Diego. Check out the video posted below, and I've included some other thoughts below I didn't have time to articulate on the news.
I see 3 different categories of flirting through texting: Playful/teasing, romantic, and sexual. The playful version is like the teasing we did as teenagers by our lockers in high school (or was that just me?). For example, if your object of interest is reading poetry, make a cute jab about them "being a brooding poet," and include a winking emoticon so they know you're kidding. I just watched a young woman and man do this type of teasing bantering in a cafe recently. It was ridiculously transparent to the point of annoyance (to me, at least). But doing through texting, where no one else has to witness, is a good idea!
The romantic version of flirting through texting can be incredibly sweet, and the type of texts that girlfriends swoon over and share with friends. This is your chance to offer a genuine compliment - a funny memory from a recent date, a feature you love about them, or even a quote that expresses how your feel. Also, remembering to ask about something important about their day, such as a big meeting or their child's doctor appointment, can feel very nurturing on the receiving end.
And finally - sexting! This definitely gets the most attention and needs to be done with care. Two "don'ts" off the bat: Don't send naked photos and don't text late at night when drunk. I hear about frequent regrets in these areas. But DO plant the seeds for sexual banter, such as "I just got out of the shower," and let the intensity slowly build.
Don't use texting for long conversations better left to phone or email, but also don't write really short responses if you're interested in the other person and they are writing in more depth. In addition, if most of your relationship is unfolding via text and not in person, your date may not be willing to commit and you might want to move on. Do YOU have any flirting through texting lessons you learned the hard way?
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego, Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker