There’s a relationship problem that often surfaces with my younger clients. The increasing connectedness of modern technology means that you can keep in touch with many people from the past. It also means that your exes, friends with benefits, and one-night stands, never go away! It may seem harmless...but it's not.Read More
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Sexting has gotten a bad rap. And it's often considered something only the young or newly dating do, so it's dismissed as trivial. But when I was recently interviewed for Shape Magazine online about sexting for married couples, I was thrilled to share some tips and tricks and give sexting some validation! Here are a couple of the points I offered:
"Men tend to enjoy more explicit sexual references and don't find it embarrassing, so the more you just decide to own your choice to be flirty and trust your husband's response, the more fun you both can have with it," says Jenn Gunsaullus, Ph.D., a sociologist and intimacy counselor in San Diego, CA. Plus, that unfamiliar feeling that may be making you hesitate is actually what makes it such great foreplay: The element of surprise and newness can be sexually exciting, she adds.
"The mind is our main sex organ, and choosing the right flirty words to seduce your partner can make them feel very desired," Gunsaullus explains.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist
Flirting through texting is a good thing - seriously. I don't think that technology today is interfering with all real communication, and flirting is a good example of something that can be facilitated and potentially enhanced through the media of texting. I spoke about the Dos and Don'ts of flirting through texting today, specifically for folks who are over 40 years old, on Channel 6's Wake Up San Diego. Check out the video posted below, and I've included some other thoughts below I didn't have time to articulate on the news.
I see 3 different categories of flirting through texting: Playful/teasing, romantic, and sexual. The playful version is like the teasing we did as teenagers by our lockers in high school (or was that just me?). For example, if your object of interest is reading poetry, make a cute jab about them "being a brooding poet," and include a winking emoticon so they know you're kidding. I just watched a young woman and man do this type of teasing bantering in a cafe recently. It was ridiculously transparent to the point of annoyance (to me, at least). But doing through texting, where no one else has to witness, is a good idea!
The romantic version of flirting through texting can be incredibly sweet, and the type of texts that girlfriends swoon over and share with friends. This is your chance to offer a genuine compliment - a funny memory from a recent date, a feature you love about them, or even a quote that expresses how your feel. Also, remembering to ask about something important about their day, such as a big meeting or their child's doctor appointment, can feel very nurturing on the receiving end.
And finally - sexting! This definitely gets the most attention and needs to be done with care. Two "don'ts" off the bat: Don't send naked photos and don't text late at night when drunk. I hear about frequent regrets in these areas. But DO plant the seeds for sexual banter, such as "I just got out of the shower," and let the intensity slowly build.
Don't use texting for long conversations better left to phone or email, but also don't write really short responses if you're interested in the other person and they are writing in more depth. In addition, if most of your relationship is unfolding via text and not in person, your date may not be willing to commit and you might want to move on. Do YOU have any flirting through texting lessons you learned the hard way?
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego, Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
Like many folks, you may have lost your desire for your partner, or feel that your libido is lagging. This quick sex tip from Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus can increase you sexual desire and improve your sexual creativity.
Also, if you’re a woman struggling with low desire in your long-term relationship, this online desire course can help you understand why you don’t want to have sex with your partner anymore.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist & Sexuality Speaker