150 Shows About Sex: Lessons Learned?

On March 12, 2012, I am hosting a big party to celebrate the 150th episode of In the Den with Dr. Jenn! We had our first video shoot in a tiny studio space in downtown San Diego in June 2006. Back then, I was sitting in a big red luv sac with a production staff of three men. With no teleprompter, I had notes scrawled on a white board next to the camera, and you can see my eyes darting back and forth. We had no idea what we were doing, but had a whole lot of fun doing it.
 
In reflecting on 150 shows about sex, I've learned that…

• Sex is truly a blend of contradictions: fun and serious, pleasure and pain, reverent and irreverent, healing and escape. We can get stuck on one side of the equation, but I think there’s growth in opening to its complexity.
• Maintaining a high standard of integrity around sex-positivity AND female sexual empowerment is sadly not the norm in the sex field.
• I love being part of the San Diego sex community and having the opportunity to bring so many fascinating guests on my show, as well as shooting in front of a live studio audience. Public discourse around sex is so valuable!
• Sexual energy is more powerful and sensitive than I realized. We all need to honor and respect this in women and men.
• People are excited to be a part of something bigger than themselves. I've found that creating empowering, sex positive messages is a challenging yet important cause that calls to many.
• You can never know everything about sex, but we cover a lot through Den Chats and Sexual Fun Facts.  Did you know that yoga can improve orgasms, practitioners of BDSM tend to have higher IQs, women who want to become pregnant should pay attention to their nutrition well before that point, the chakras of women and men open in opposite directions in sexual situations, masturbation is still one of our most taboo topics, and college female gymnasts may serve as masturbatory fodder for male students? These were all new to me!

Here are a few Fun Facts about the show:

• My favorite Sexual Fun Fact is from Session #26. Question: What have zookeepers in China used to assist pandas in reproduction? Answer: Panda porn! They have played videos of other pandas having sex.
• The sex terminology most repeated (to me) from an episode is “anal bleaching,” from Session #20.
• The episode with the most hits on YouTube is Anal Sex: Advice from a Gay Man to Straight Women. (Session #119). Hmm…I think there’s a lot more conversation to be had around this one!

I could go on and on, because creating this show was such an incredible experience. However, I will leave you with two other links:
Session #150: Gynecologist Speaks: How to Improve Women's Libido (with Dr. Diana Hoppe)
Session #1, where it all started!

And please join the party on Monday, March 12, if you're in the San Diego area!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

150th Episode! Gynecologist Speaks - How to Improve Women's Libido

Amidst celebratory champagne toasts, Dr. Jenn interviews Dr. Diana Hoppe, San Diego gynecologist and expert on women's sex drive. What struggles do some women face and what can they do about it? Are there "normal" changes women go through?

SEXUAL FUN FACT
Question: When it comes to crocodiles, whether a baby ends up male or female, depends on what factor?

SPECIAL DEN SEX-TION
Sex Position of the Day -- What is "The Head Shoulders Knees and Toes" Position? (reason to sing!)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Big San Diego Party! Come celebrate 150 Episodes of In the Den with Dr. Jenn

"In the Den with Dr. Jenn" is a professionally-produced video series exploring sex, intimacy, relationships, holistic health, communication, and sensuality. Myself, along with the production team, are having a big party to celebrate all the hard work we've put into this labor of love. All are welcome!

Monday, March 12, 2012, 7pm - 11pm

Tango Del Rey Palace, 3567 Del Rey Street, San Diego, 92109

Free (food & drink available for purchase)

Lots of fun stuff happening at the party:

• Meet many of the guests from my show (experts on sexology, sex education, relationships, healthy sexuality, alternative health, media, eroticism, and more!).
• Free raffle prizes throughout the night.
• Area with lots of wearable props for fun photo opportunities.
• Episodes playing on a large screen.
• Music for dancing AND a salsa performance.
• "Dr. Jenn's Den" drink specials.

Parking: There is a small parking lot, a garage, and street parking - all free parking.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

What Does a Doula Do? Birth Support for Pregnant Women: #149

Doulas are valuable support partners for pregnant women, through advocacy, education, and emotional support. Dr. Jenn interviews San Diego doula, Rosie Peterson, about her compassionate work. http://www.sandiegobirthnetwork.com

SEXUAL FUN FACT
True or False: In India, a citizen's passport has three options for gender: male, female, and a third gender?

SPECIAL DEN SEX-TION
In a Sentence - What's a Gay Guy Have to Say?

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Top 5: San Diego Spots for Outdoor Sex

I am the new Sex & Love Blogger for Pacific San Diego Magazine. Please comment on my first post about enjoying some outdoor friskiness in San Diego!

We are very lucky. San Diego is a warm city, with so many stunning outdoor locations. For the sexually adventurous, this means opportunities for romantic outdoor sex. Below, I offer my top 5 San Diego locales for frisky encounters. Please feel free to comment on your favorite locations!

5. Black’s Beach. This may seem like an obvious choice, since Black’s Beach is our local nude beach, but it also has exquisite beauty with red bluffs, crashing waves, and romantic seclusion. There are some unique considerations for this area, including hang gliders above, sketchy male voyeurs, and naked volleyball players (which sounds way better than it looks). Nonetheless, Black’s Beach is a hidden gem.

4. Balboa Park. Between the architecture and horticulture, Balboa Park is a buffet to the senses. I recommend any location where you can tuck away for some privacy but still be visually and audibly stimulated through nature or relaxing fountains. If you are there when it’s crowded, as a courtesy to others, look for one of the more secluded wooded areas.

3. Bird Rock. I hope this one surprises you, since we don’t hear a lot about this location. While this is the name of a neighborhood in La Jolla, there is also an actual “bird rock” – a rock situated in the ocean just beyond the beach, where birds like to hang out. I think having sex on a rock in the ocean is just cool. But be warned: you will probably have to stand, there’s ample bird crap, and the little crabs might nibble at your bare behind.

2. Coronado Beach. The white beaches of Coronado are beautiful, day and night. I suggest finding a private spot on the beach at nighttime, with the lights of the Hotel Del dancing in the distance. This iconic San Diego landmark adds an element of Hollywood romance to your sandy rendez-vous.

1. Sunset Cliffs in Pt. Loma.Sunset Cliffs is a sensual wonderland, from the deep blue ocean, waves crashing against the cliffs, salty sea air, navigation of the rocks, to the surprise picnic you pack. I think this setting is also better at nighttime, but be careful traversing the cliffs. So take your time, soaking in the natural energy along with your partner’s passion.

There are some obvious logistical concerns with outdoor sex. If you will be lying down, a soft, thick blanket is necessary cushioning, plus a second blanket for privacy. Standing is a good quickie option, but think about accessible clothing. And, if you are going to partake in such activities, please use caution to not frighten small children or get arrested. Nobody needs in flagrante delicto legal charges. Happy exploring!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Why Discipline (Not the Spanking Kind!) is Necessary

“I’m exhausted but I said I’d do it, so I have to do it!”
“I’m just not feeling it right now, so I’m going to have to cancel on you.”
 
Which of the above represents you? Are you into strict discipline of the self? Or do you make choices only through the lens of self-nurturing?
 
I’ve been thinking a lot about the balance between discipline and self-nurturing, or discipline and compassion. One of my intentions for the new year was to actively create a more mindful life, and one of my commitments in that regard is taking an 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course through UCSD’s Center for Mindfulness. I am several weeks in, and am exploring the course for both personal and professional growth.
 
I have participated in some courses with a heavy emphasis on discipline, to the point that participants seemed scared to share dissenting views. I’ve experienced programs with so much emphasis on self-nurturing, that it allows for wallowing but not growth. I like the balance in the MBSR course. We have homework assignments of both formal and informal practices to cultivate mindfulness. However, within the structure of the practice, anything goes, even distractions and falling asleep. Mindfulness is not about “doing” anything, but about noticing all the nuances of being, including our reactions and judgments.
 
It is difficult to break ingrained habits, and it can be difficult to create new patterns. This is why discipline is necessary in the personal growth process. We need some structure and accountability to consistently practice doing new things, and being in new ways. On the flip side, discipline without compassion can keep our walls up. We can go through the motions without opening to feel the process. Compassion towards ourselves is important to stop us from beating ourselves up in the personal growth process, and learning to accept "what is" without judgment.
 
Do you have a “personal growth” project that has been a struggle? This could be exercise, more mindfulness, taking down time, being kinder to your kids, finding a passion, speaking your truth, etc. Look at how you can strike a balance between discipline and nurturing. How can you create a structure to commit yourself to this new practice, but grant compassion for yourself within that practice? I think this balance is invaluable in the realm of personal growth, and is foundational to creating sustainable growth.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

(Image source: http://askdaguru1.blogspot.com/2012/01/discipline-gives-freedom.html)