The Female Brain - Making Sense of Hormones & Neurobiology

As a Sociologist, I was trained to put a lot of emphasis on the social construction of beliefs, gender differences, and sexual behavior. For this reason, I have been slow to embrace and explore the role of hormones and brain physiology in women and men. I recognize that it is difficult to separate nature from nurture, biological differences from socialized behavior.

Nonetheless, I have been THRILLED to read Louann Brizendine's book The Female Brain. I feel like so much of what I have learned about my personal emotional, hormonal, and intellectual patterns are validated through reading this book. I make so much more sense to myself now! As an emotionally intuitive person, I've learned how my hormones and brain structure are relevant to this. I am always speaking to my clients about the differences between women and men and how this is important to recognize and respect -- this book gave me the depth of terminology and understanding I was craving to offer a more well-rounded analysis of gender differences. As well, I have greater compassion now for the men in my life, and the inherent differences in our empathy, emotional expression, and sexual focus.

While I still continue to believe that to understand and honor human sexuality we need to take a multidisciplinary approach that includes biology, psychology, sociology, and mind/body/spirit perspectives, I think The Female Brain and this research is invaluable to understanding, through wit and compassion, the female brain.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Vulva Photography for Me!

If you've seen Session 20 or Session 82 of my podcast show, then you know I'm a big fan of Nick Karras' artistic photography of women's vulvas called Petals. His sepia-toned close-up photos of women's genitals is a powerful tool for me in the classroom and with clients, to show that there is incredible variety in genitals and to learn that we can experience our genitals as beautiful.

I'm happy to report that Nick and his wife Sayaka are working on a Petals II project this summer. This time the photos will be in color, so that they can explicitly be utilized in educational settings (e.g., nursing programs, clinical settings, women's studies classrooms).

AND...I visited them yesterday to have myself photographed as part of their new book! Although I wasn't nervous per se, I certainly felt some initial awkwardness in laying down and spreading my legs for my friends to view, let alone the camera that was about a foot from my vulva. But I was relieved and pleased with how comfortable Nick and Sayaka made the experience because of their matter-of-fact approach to the shoot and their appreciation for female sexuality and empowering women. Within minutes I actually felt quite proud of my vulva and her modeling debut. Even though the experience itself was probably no more than 15 minutes, I really did leave the shoot feeling more empowered through being appreciative of the beauty of my genitals and having unabashedly shared myself for the education and empowerment of others. Pussies unite!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Sexual Empowement - Buzz Words or Depth of Humanity?

At the Coed Coffee Chat discussion I facilitated last week, we discussed whether we thought “empowerment” was needed for people in the realm of sex and sexuality, and what the word means in this context. Although I was the only female present to make the discussing “coed,” I was very pleased with the variety of perspectives represented and sense of humor each participant brought to the table.

We started with what we thought sexual empowerment meant. Different themes emerged:

• Being in charge
• Loving yourself
• Safety and security
• Giving and receiving respect
• Recognizing choices and making healthy ones
• Having access to contraception
• Knowing what you want and voicing that
• Caring as much about your feelings and pleasures as your partner’s
• Breaking the norm

But this all begged the question – why are we discussing this unless we believe that women and men are “disempowered” around sex and sexuality? Is that the case or are we just getting wrapped up in pop psychology and new age buzz words?

We started discussing how scripted and performance-oriented sex can be, and defined through mainstream idealized media images, pornography, and assumptions around what it is to a “good” sexual male or sexual female. I think the “breaking the norm” definition of empowerment is so compelling, because this is where we realize that we have choices, can be open to expressing our needs, desires, and sexuality in new ways, and be truly present with the moment and/or our partner. It takes a lot of confidence and trust to be able to break norms around sexual behavior, because we can have so many insecurities and fears tied up in our ability to attract and perform and just to be liked. This gets to the core of our desires as humans for connection and is ripe for growth and exploration. It can be scary – but it can be damn empowering too.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Breaking Patterns - Building Healthy Relationships

It can be challenging to avoid falling into old patterns at the start of a new relationship. The excitement, new-ness, hormones, and wanting to present yourself in the best light, can create a context where old patterns are resurfacing without you realizing.

Sometimes after a relationship breaks up, you can look back and see small (or perhaps large) ways that you were not being true to yourself. I recommend making a list of questions to prepare for yourself ahead of time; start by analyzing where and how you think you lost part of yourself in past relationships. Did you agree with everything your new partner offered and said so as not to make waves? Did you use alcohol as a social lubricant to make sexual encounters less fraught with self-consciousness? Did you start spending every available moment with this person, to the detriment of friendships and other obligations?

We all have patterns and ruts that can lead to the same unwanted outcomes, irritations, and disappointments in the long run. If this resonates with you, here are some specific questions to get you started so you can check in with yourself as you’re getting into a new relationship:

• Am I voicing my needs? In a responsible, honest way?
• Do I feel out of balance? This includes physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually?
• Am I reacting to irritations from a past relationship, without giving this person a chance?
• What is my intuition telling me as to whether this is a healthy relationship for me?
• Do I respect this person? Do they respect me?
• Am I afraid to be vulnerable and express my true self?
• Does this person bring out the best in me?
• Am I taking care of and nurturing myself?

Add questions that are relevant to your patterns. Pull this list out when you have started a new relationship. Be gentle when answering your questions. This is definitely not about beating yourself up, but about staying grounded, authentic, and present in your new relationship and on your path of building healthy relationships.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Girltalk Blogging - Soulful Conversations for Women

I am doing a three-month stint as the 30-something blogger for Girltalk, the educational, inspirational, and edgy website by Inspirational Catalyst Christine Arylo. Christine motivates us to be real, trust ourselves, and love ourselves -- and support each other in the process through soulful conversations.

The blog topic for the beginning of April is: What's hardest and what's most exciting about today's crazy economy? If you're looking to redefine success and happiness on your own terms, check it out HERE!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Erotic Play Lecture at San Diego Mensa Regional Gathering

Erotic Play - Making Intimacy Sexier
at the San Diego Mensa Regional Gathering

The opportunities for pleasure and fun in intimacy are limited only by our creativity. Learn how to tap into a holistic perspective to improve sensuality, explore the options of sexual toys, and delve into the world of fantasy. This interactive workshop will leave attendees ready to apply new ideas to their own sensual living.

Date: May 23, 2009
Time: 3:30-4:30pm
Place: San Diego Hilton Mission Valley

For more information, visit HERE.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego