Sex Sells - Except When You're Selling Sex

Is it true that sex sells? I was recently the call-in sex expert for a radio show back in my home state of PA. The show is called Sex & Sensibility with host Jill McDevitt, the owner of the Feminique Boutique erotic store. Our topic of discussion was economics, spending, marketing, and sexuality.

I shared the example of when I co-owned Zip Zap Toys, an erotic product company for women, and we were buying advertising space to announce workshops in the San Diego Reader. The Reader is bursting with the plastic surgery ads, photos of women in bikinis, and also has ads for male sexual enhancement products. We, however, were not allowed to say what we actually sold, but were instructed to call the products "marital aids." The only way I was able to get any semblance of the word "sex" in the ad about female sexual empowerment and education was because I am a "sexual health educator." The double standard was loud and clear.

Jill shared a recent story of advertising for her company. She found that local newspapers would publish ads of women in bikinis for bars, cars, and even something as nonsexual as lamps. But when she attempted to place an ad for her erotic store with a pin-up style model photo, she was told it was too risque. The clear message here? Women's sexuality can be used to sell everything except for education and empowerment of positive women's sexuality.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Deepen the Intimacy and Fun Communication with your Partner

This Wednesday, at Tango Wine Company in Little Italy (San Diego), I'm teaching a light and interactive couples workshop, just in time for Valentine's Day.

I will guide couples through fun exercises and enlightening discussion to deepen your intimacy, improve your authentic communication, and spark your connection.

• Tips for increasing sensuality
• Learn more about your sexual landscape (Did you know you had a sexual landscape?? :)
• Sexual Fun Facts
• Laughter and wine

Date: Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Time: 6:30 - 8:30pm
Price: $25 per couple
Place: Tango Wine, 2161 India Street, 92101

Each person will receive a complimentary glass of wine and snacks!

Contact Dr. Jenn to reserve you space at 858-880-5944 or Jennifer@drjennsden.com.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Awakening to Sexual Self-Love

With all the images and messages of love in the media this month, why not take the time to awaken to your own sexual self-love? What does that even mean?

I wrote an article for the February Issue of "Vision Magazine" on this topic, while delving into body-image, meditative masturbation, and self-expression. I've posted the beginning of the article here, with the link at the bottom if you would like the read the entire piece.
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Learning to love ourselves can be a challenging task and a long journey. Lying at the core of self-love are the abilities to know ourselves, like ourselves, and appreciate our strengths, while accepting our weaknesses. Expanding self-love into the sexual arena can offer even more avenues for personal growth. Unfortunately for many people, self-love and sexuality are mutually exclusive. Sexuality is often relegated to its own discrete box and does not receive the same knowledge, appreciation, and acceptance as the development of self-love and personal transformation in other areas of our lives.

When expanding self-love to our experiences and meaning around sexuality, it may be easier to first state the opposite of sexual self-love: guilt, shame, embarrassment, disconnection, body-loathing, and lack of knowledge. These emotions and mental states are the result of fear-based learning about sex and sexuality from various sources, such as restrictive religions, embarrassed parents, ignorant teachers, and idealized media images. If you begin with sexual topics where you feel anxiety or discomfort, you can identify where you have opportunity for immediate growth. The areas of body-image, masturbation, and freedom of expression can be a great place to start.
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To read the entire article, please follow this link to Vision Magazine.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

The Vagina Monologues in San Diego!

Monday, February 23, 7:30pm
Lyceum Theater, Horton Plaza

I am thrilled and excited to announce a benefit performance of Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues featuring Extraordinary San Diego Women:

Helice “Sparky” Bridges, Lana Culliver, Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, Jessica John, Moira Keefe, Donna Lange, Carla Navarro, Pamela Perkins, Jenni Prisk , Anna Seymore, M’lafi Thompson, Dr. Deborah Waitley, and Emmy award winner, Denise Yamada

This production benefits The Speak for Success Women's Leadership Institute, a partnership with the YWCA of San Diego County. Started in 2008 by Dana Bristol-Smith, the WLI gives domestic violence survivors professional development training and coaching to help them transform their lives.

Join us for this special, one-night only performance.

Grab your Girlfriends and wear what your Vagina would wear!
~$40 Sexy Seats include full access to the Silent Auction, Sponsor tables, and a good time.
~$95 Pink Circle Seats include all of the above, plus Center Section Reserved Seating, a Post-Show Reception with the Cast and Sponsors, and more!
~$40 Be a V-Angel for a YWCA woman resident who is retaking control of her life today (email info@speakforsuccess.com)

TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE BY PHONE: The Lyceum Box Office (hours are 12:00 – 6:00 pm, Tuesday – Sunday) at 619-544-1000.

TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE ONLINE: http://www.lyceumevents.org/ click on Buy Tickets – once the Buy Tickets screen comes up – you’ll see $95 orchestra, select the number of tickets and hit CONTINUE – The next screen will give you the choice of $95 reserved front and center or $40 general admission tickets. You’ll want to come early to get the best seats.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Womanhood, First Periods, & Passing on Wisdom

What does it mean to "become a woman?" Is it a moment or a long process? Is it something innate or socially constructed? Is this an embarrassing transition or something to be celebrated?

As a society we have an understanding that a girl's first period is her launch into womanhood. Although mentally and emotionally she still may be an adolescent and immature, her physical body has signaled that it is prepared to give birth.

A good friend of mine emailed recently that her 14 year old daughter just got her first period. She wrote: "I'm sharing this news with you, my closest, most lovely friends, because you embody the power, strength and passion of being a woman. In lieu of an entire red event, I'd love to start another tradition - we send each other's daughters, nieces, and friends anonymous letters filled with congratulations, tenderness and praise. Perhaps you'd like to share your own story, words of advice, or even a funny moment or situation... I know she'll appreciate the welcoming."

I think this is a phenomenal idea and was thrilled to have this opportunity to pass on the wisdom I've gained through my work and personal experiences (admittedly though, a bit abstract, sociological, and esoteric to articulate and grasp). I've included below most of what I wrote in my card, welcoming her to womanhood.
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Congratulations! A little birdie told me that you've joined the ranks of "womanhood" this week!

While is certainly takes a lot more to be a "woman," I do want to honor your physical transition to being a woman. This can be a scary time because you body is doing new things, you're growing in new ways, and you may be having new feelings. But I know you have an amazing mother who loves you beyond belief and thinks the world of you.

I wanted to use this opportunity to share with you what I've learned in the past 20 years of "being a woman." I've learned that at the core of everything we do and think is our own ability to love and respect ourselves. This isn't always easy because we get so many conflicting messages from family, school, religion, and media. But checking in with what you know to be true about yourself, and being honest with yourself, is always the best path.
I've learned that it's OK to enjoy our body and say yes. It's also OK to say no if that means we are respecting and honoring our body. And I've learned that the female body is so beautiful and amazing! It's a source of so much pleasure and so much pain, and all of this is the power of being a woman. It is a power to be respected, so always remember to both enjoy and respect it.
I think you are a beautiful, intelligent, witty, and clever young woman!
This may all be in the abstract for you right now, but as you grow older I think the messages will make more sense.
Lots of love :)

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What would adolescence be like for young women if we all took the approach of educating, honoring, and celebrating the first period?

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Taking it All to the Mat: Yoga as a Panacea?

My intention for the new year is to honor my body. So this week I signed up for three months of unlimited yoga. Half-way through the first class, as my sweat made the mat too slippery for firm positioning, I questioned what the hell I was doing. But now 4 classes later, I am reminded of the power of yoga for balance and joy.

Yesterday was an odd day and I was feeling under the weather, both physically and emotionally. Yet knowing that I would be attending a 5:30pm yoga class took the edge off the day a bit. In the first child's pose, I smiled with my face to the mat, because I knew the next hour was sacred time for me to be present with me. During the final shavasana, I usually relax and smile with the thought of what I get to eat when I go home (food is a motivator for me). But last evening I noticed myself mentally escaping and brought my awareness back to my body. I can already feel my spine straightening more. I'm aware of muscles in my abs and ass I haven't felt in quite some time. I feel more aware of and appreciative of what my body is capable of doing. And I felt peaceful and happy.

I'm thrilled that for the next three months (at the least) I'll be taking it all the mat. For me, a regular yoga practice is such a positive and holistically balanced outlet for stress, anxiety, frustration, fear, and sadness. By the end of an hour I had a great workout...and life just makes more sense.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego