Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
My good friend Rob, a technology guru who fancies himself a sex guru as well, has created this great way to interact with sex toys online. It can be hard to know whether you are purchasing the right product when you can't hold the object in your hands, especially with toys that are oddly shaped or particularly expensive.
Click on THIS LINK to interact with four 3D sex toys and play with this cool technology.
I was watching the news Thanksgiving night. The reporter was outside Target and Best Buy interviewing soon-to-be shoppers, camped out in their tents for the night. They wanted to be the first people in line at 4am when the stores opened for Black Friday.
The next day I watched a brief interview with a Buddhist scholar. He stated that the unifying religion of America is consumerism.
And the following day at a tasty home-made brunch, I had an insightful conversation with an elementary school teacher and mother about the values of materialism she witnesses at a young age.
Although the link between consumerism and my work in relationships and sex may not be immediately apparent, I think the values, priorities, and escapism are intimately linked. As a nation we strive to acquire more possessions. Shopping when we feel down is called “retail therapy.” After September 11 we were instructed to be good Americans or good New Yorkers by buying more things and spending more money.
This focus on the superficial keeps us constantly striving to fill a void that can never be satisfied in such a way. There is always more to want. There is always a reason to seek out a new (i.e., younger, wilder, richer) partner through the grass is greener lens. There is always something stimulating to distract us from uncomfortable emotions and difficult personal growth. This can keep us diverted from the present moment and the relationships we could be nurturing.
If I can offer one suggestion during this holiday season, it is to question what makes you happy, and how you can strive for a depth of fulfillment in your life and your relationships. At the end of our lives, I really do believe it is the quality of the deep connections we had with others that truly matters. So where can you make a shift this December from spending money to spending quality time? How can you be creative with your gift-giving, and give the gift of joyful presence? Who can you positively impact with the generosity of your energy and beautiful spirit? Perhaps it could be a friend, partner, parent, sibling, neighbor, or child. I think any shift in perspective here will reduce the focus on stress, money, and possessions, and redirect to lasting feel-good connections.
Interested in bringing creativity to your relationship?The new "Ask Dr. Jenn" Facebook application gives you free advice in all three of these areas. If you like the advice, you can post it to your wall for others to see, or post it to a friend's wall to spread the fun suggestions.
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Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego
Love Your Body Day Expo Educates Women About Body Image and Holistic Health
San Diego, CA—October 7. A Love Your Body Day event will take place in a Little Italy wine bar and offer a San Diego flair to this national day. Celebrating women, health, and appreciating deeper beauty, the expo on Thursday, October 22, runs 5-8pm at Tango Wine Company (2161 India Street). Local female professionals who specialize in health, fitness, and well being coming from a variety of perspectives will be on hand to teach, offer resources, and entertain.
The NOW (National Organization for Women) Foundation’s Women’s Health Project launched the Love Your Body Day campaign in 1998. This day formed as a national day of action to speak out against advertisements and images of women that are harmful, offensive, and demeaning. Each year on Love Your Body Day women around the country say “no” to twisted beauty standards and hazardous advertisements by holding rallies, speakers, house parties, classroom discussions and more.
This San Diego celebration of Love Your Body Day is a free event to proactively encourage women to honor and appreciate their bodies. Education, activities, and healthy snacks will be available from practitioners addressing women’s holistic health and well being, including nutrition, sex & intimacy counseling, massage, expressive arts therapy, dance, yoga, and acupuncture.
Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, a sociologist who works as a relationship & intimacy counselor is spearheading this event. To learn more about the event, visit: www.drjennsden.com/LoveYourBodyDay2009. To contact Dr. Jenn, call 858-880-5944 or email Jennifer@drjennsden.com.
Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego
Last week I presented an Intimacy & Erotic Play workshop as the final presentation of my Women & Intimacy Series at Tango Wine Company. We had a nice size crowd of 18 participants...and this time they weren't all women. There were two men in attendance, both husbands, and both older than the majority of the women who were in their 20s and 30s. I appreciated having this valuable and different perspective in one of my interactive workshops!
One of the gentleman mentioned afterwards how much he appreciated being able to witness the candid perspectives of so many women. I've been thinking about this since he mentioned it, and thinking about how rare it is to be privy to honest (yet facilitated and educational) perspectives from the other gender. Usually we hear bitching and stereotyping.
If this interests you, you could form your own version of this. For example, ask a few men who are willing to be honest, respectful, and deep, to form a panel to answer predetermined questions about dating, relationships, sex, and women (such as, What is the most frustrating aspect of dating women? or What is the most amazing thing about being with a woman?). Then gather your women friends to sit quietly to listen and learn.
If you've experienced how verbose I am about any sexual or relationship topic, you won't be surprised to hear me respond NO to the above query. However, there are two basic questions you can ask yourself to start digging at the foundation of a lackluster sex life:
When I write "mean," I'm referring to the compelling emotions surrounding these questions. For example, one woman I presented the first question to exploded, "What does it mean? It means I'm just taking care of my husband like I have to take care of the house, the kids, and my clients at work." Yikes. Lots of underlying resentments. Generally resentments represent needs that aren't being met. In this case, she was not feeling nurtured and cared for, and feeling overwhelmed with emotionally managing so many others.
In another case, I asked a male client in a "sexless" marriage what not having sex meant to him. He sadly replied that he was unable to have a level of closeness and intimacy he craved, intimacy that made him feel good about himself and connected to his wife. Having sex with his wife validated his self worth as a man and a loving husband.
When sex is "missing" in a relationship, just trying to spice up the excitement level rarely addresses the depth of the hurt, resentments, and walls that have built up. Gently pulling back the layers of hurt and disconnect and replacing them with appreciation and vulnerability (with a kick of creativity) is the best "quick fix" I can recommend.
Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
