When a Man Becomes a Woman - Recommended TRANSGENDER Book

Jim Boylan knew there was something odd happening when he snuck into the extra bedroom to try on his mom and sister’s dresses. But he had to do it. However, as She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders illustrates, being a man who knows he is a woman, in his heart and soul, is only partly about dressing fancy in heels and make-up. It’s a piece of the puzzle, but one that does little justice to the complexity of this topic.

Some of my sociological learning was that women and men are fundamentally the same (despite having different genitals and reproductive systems). We only seem so different as women and men because we are socialized that way. I whole-heartedly agree that a large part of gender is socially constructed, but stopping the argument there does not advance our understanding.

There seems to be something(s) that structure the male and female brain differently, and our socialization tends to amplify these differences (and sometimes creates artificial differences). The wiring of the brain, underlying structure, and hormone amounts and receptors seem to push us in a direction that ends up being interpreted as male or female. I think it is here that explains why some folks identify as transgender, despite their physical attributes to the contrary. They feel like they have the “brain” of the other gender. Some, like Boylan, describe it as the soul of the other gender. But if we lived in a society that allowed for great flexibility in expression of gender and didn’t stigmatize “feminine” males and “masculine” females, this might not be experienced as such a disorienting juxtapositioning of brain, body, and soul.

Jennifer Finney Boylan is an author with a wonderfully smooth and entertaining style of writing. She’s Not There is her memoir which concludes at age 45 with her transition to living fully as a woman. It’s incredibly poignant and honest – the good, the bad, and the ugly – but the humor carries you along.

If you ever wondered what it was like to view the world as a transgendered person, how relationships can endure such a shift, the impact on children, family, friends, and colleagues, what it’s like to experience the world as both a man and a woman, and the value of unwavering love and support, you will find the answers in this powerful book.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Being Naked & Body-Image

I took off my sunglasses and beach skirt. I then removed my bathing suit and placed in on a picnic table. I walked to the edge of the water, stepped over the wall, and lowered myself into the pond. All the while, I was pretending I wasn’t self-conscious about walking naked in public in the bright afternoon sun. Of course I'm used to walking around naked, comfortable in my body in front of strangers and friends. Who isn't?! At least I knew no one would stare at me and judge me, because it was natural to be naked and everyone around the pond was naked. Oh, but I was staring at them. Where else do I get to observe so many random naked bodies in person? In so many shapes, genders, sizes, colors, and ages?

Last month I flew to San Francisco for a camping festival weekend several hours north of the city. It was hosted by a music society, so dance and thumping music were the norm amidst the gardens by day and blazing stars at night. As well, there was a beautiful manmade pond, lotus flowers and all, offering respite from the 95 degree heat. It was around this pond that all the campers were naked. And it was because of this pond that I agreed to go on this trip with some friends.

Most of us are not used to being naked around strangers, and many of us aren’t used to this around friends either. This has always made me feel nervous as my body-image concerns flare up and I worry about being judged for not looking perfect. I decided it was time to tackle this issue head-on when invited to attend the camping trip.

It sounds cliché to say that the experience was freeing…but the experience actually was freeing. I loved the warmth of the sun on my whole body. I loved swimming underwater with no clothing resistance. I really liked being able to just be me in my body with no pretenses. It was a gentle reminder that I’m fine, my body is fine, and that I may as well appreciate and enjoy what my body has to offer because there’s always something for which to be grateful. Although awkward at first, I was calmed by how easy it could be to be around a group of naked folks who were just being who they were. So I was just who I was. And I enjoyed it tremendously.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Women & Intimacy Series - Workshops at Tango Wine!

I will be conducting a set of 3 workshops at Tango Wine for the Women & Intimacy Series! For 3 months in a row, starting in July, women will be gathering for these fun, interactive, and lively events.

GOT PASSION?
~Lecture I of Tango Wine's Women & Intimacy Series~

Maintain or improve your passionate spark with sensuality, juiciness, and mindfulness!

Date: Wednesday, July 22
To find out more, click on this Calendar Link.

KEYS TO HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS
~Lecture II of Tango Wine's Women & Intimacy Series~

Gain insights and skills to immediately improve communication and appreciation.

Date: Wednesday, August 19
To find out more, click on this Calendar Link.

INTIMACY & PLAY
~Lecture III of Tango Wine's Women & Intimacy Series~

Kick start your bedroom creativity with fun and erotic play tips.

Date: Wednesday, September 23
To find out more, click on this Calendar Link.

Contact Dr. Jenn with questions or to reserve a space for any or all of the workshops!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Sex Books Galore!

Ahhh, I'm in my own special heaven of sex books. This is how I felt last week when I visited the library at The Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco. The Center offers a sex-positive educational space and a variety of events. They have a growing collection of sex-related books and I made an appointment with the librarian to spend some time checking through their shelves. Happily, the one chair in the small library was next to the female orgasm section, where I settled in for an hour and a half. I wanted to take so many of the books home with me, but they were nice enough to allow me to use their photocopier. I was so pleased and excited by all the subsections of sexuality represented there: orgasm, erotica, relationships, LGBTQ, academic & theorectical perspectives, reproduction, empowerment, etc.

If you have a special interest in sex-related reading, I am hosting an evening this week called Dr. Jenn's Sexual Book List, where I will discuss and suggest some of my favoriate resources conencted to sex, relationships, female sexual empowerment, and gender differences.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

BioHormones! And women and wine...

Discussions about bio-identical hormones and compounding pharmacies have been in the mainstream media a lot recently, particularly since Oprah has been covering the topic. Specifically in terms of "hormone replacement" for women going through menopause, women with PMS concerns, and men and women with "low libidos," what makes bio-identical hormones different than those from the big pharmaceutical companies is that these hormones are created to be the same in structure as our own natural hormones, which ideally improves the benefits and decreases the negative side effects.

Last night I attended a lecture on Women & Hormones (and Wine, because it was in a wine bar :). For the record, I do perceive some aspects of taking hormones as just another part of the western biomedical mentality of popping pills for a quick fix instead of looking at the big picture of what may be causing the imbalance in the first place (e.g., diet, exercise, environmental toxins, stress, sleep). However, I think this is valuable knowledge to have and a tool in one's tool chest of health. I found it personally valuable (as someone who deals with PMS) and professionally valuable because I see many female clients in their menopausal phase, as well and women and men with sex drive concerns.

One piece of valuable information for me was around how to best absorb and use various hormones. For example, progesterone is best taken orally. On the other hand, testosterone and estrogen are best administered transdermally (e.g., patch or cream). Estrogen can be dangerous for women to take because it can accelerate the growth of some breast tumors. However, taking it through the skin means that it's being absorbed directly into the blood stream and in the area where it is applied. Therefore it doesn't go through the processing of the liver until a second pass when the dose is way lower. This means that the positive benefits are present, while the potential negative side effects are reduced.

There is loads of much more detailed information around these topics, and if you've been taking or considering taking hormones, I think it's very valuable to know about and look into compounding pharmacies (who offer bio-identical hormones) as an alternative to mainstream drug options.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Use Magic Instead of "Faking It"

I was at a friend's apartment recently when she told me about doing "magical" rituals with another friend. I don't generally use the word "magic" often nor take it particularly seriously. In my understanding, they were using the concept to create an attitude that anything is possible, and adding magic to an intention allows a shift in consciousness for its creation.

When I was at lunch yesterday with a colleague and videographer, Wes, he used the term magic as well, in the context of sexual fulfillment. Practitioners in the sexual field sometimes recommend that people "fake it until they make it." The belief is that if you don't feel confident about something, just go through the motions until you start to gain the knowledge and skills to actually be and do what you're striving for. Wes, though, makes a powerful shift with the inclusion of magic. Instead of faking it (and knowing that you're faking it), why not add magical intentions?

Although this is particularly "woo-woo" type of thinking, I believe it has the potential to be incredibly powerful in giving someone a boost for their leap of faith. It is as if you know you need something else (to learn, be, experience, have, etc.) and without having that you may feel stuck or too scared to try. If you allow space for magic to fill that missing piece for the time being, and TRUST it will do its job, then you can move forward with greater security and confidence.

As I write this, I do recognize that it sounds a little crazy. But it is also resonating with me in that we create so much of our reality through our perception. Why not add the belief in that extra little boost through "magic" as a new tool of strength and empowerment to your tool belt?

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling
~Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships in San Diego~
www.drjennsden.com
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