Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
Dr. Jenn challenges the audience to consider three odd sexual topics: Thai breast slapping, the Thank Your Wank website, and Michele Bachmann. Which one emanates the most BS and will receive the Dr. Jenn Stamp of Disapproval?
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, and College Sexual Health Speaker
Does the media help or harm awareness around women's sexual health? Both! Dr. Jenn interviews feminist filmmaker, Echo Zen, about media depictions of women's sexual health. Bonus: Fun movie clips! (www.youtube.com/user/echozenuk)
SEXUAL FUN FACT
What is the LEAST popular day of the year for viewing pornography?
DEN RECOMMEND
Hathor Aphrodisia's Lubricant Lickeurs (Coconut Orange - yum!)
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker
I had 20 minutes to speak on this topic recently at the Girl Fest San Diego launch event. Twenty minutes can hardly do justice to the complicated topic of building healthy relationships. So I focused on three factors that are key to my counseling work, especially for young women. And I offered immediately applicable tips so hopefully the audience would go home ready to apply some new, simple practices.
Key 1: Cultivating mindfulness
I write about and speak on mindfulness A LOT. It's at the core of my work. Mindfulness is awareness in the present moment. Sounds easy? The concept is simple, but the practice is complicated, because we often have a lot of mind chatter distracting us. Beyond awareness and observation, practicing mindfulness also means not judging what you observe.
There are so many ways this is important in building healthy relationships. Mindfulness allows us to know ourselves more deeply and consciously. This means we can be more responsible with our emotions, and authentic with ourselves and our partners, not hiding behind facades. This type of presense makes sexual encounters more meaningful in that mind chatter, distractions, and judments don't get in the way of sensual pleasure and connection. Mindfulness is also an amazing gift in a relationship; truly being present with someone, listening and being engaged, not thinking about what you want to say next, is deeply validating.
One of the simplest ways to practice this is when you're driving every day. While stopped at a red light, use it as a opportunity to slow down and practice mindfulness. Take several deep breaths, roll your window down and breath in the fresh air, notice the colors around you, and appreciate the red light as a gift. Another exercise I love is "making love to an orange." Take an orange, slowly peel it, and eat it over the span of 20 minutes. Move slowly, using all 5 senses, to explore each little juice pocket bursting with citrus-y goodness. Mindfulness is a skill that requires daily exercise to develop. However, these practices don't have to take up a lot of your time, but it is important to make it part of your daily commitment.
(Part 2 and 3 will be posted this week!)
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, & College Sexual Health Speaker
Is sex addiction a legitimate diagnosis or has it been created by Hollywood in an attempt to protect the famous? Dr. Jenn speaks with one of her alter-egos, Jane the Den Clinical Sex Researcher, to learn the latest on this controversial topic.
SEXUAL FUN FACT
Q: How did the word "fornication" originate?
SPECIAL DEN SEX-TION
In a sentence, what's a guy have to say? (This is new segment with a very funny Stevie J. Clark as the "Man in the Den.")
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, and College Sexual Health Speaker
(This essay is from my January 2012 Den Newsletter. To see the entire newsletter, click e-newsletter.)
Have you ever watched the video with 8 people passing a basketball, where you're instructed to count the number of passes for the team in white? When your focus is on counting passes, you completely miss a bear who moonwalks through the center of the drill. When you watch again to see the bear, it seems impossible that you missed it the first time. But we often don't see what is right in front of us.
When we expect to see something, our mind will focus on what we expect to see. If we don't expect to perceive something, we could very well miss it. This power of expectation and focus allows us to efficiently use our brains, but this efficiency often sets us on automatic pilot. Automatic pilot means we could miss change or difference.
I have witnessed this happen in my private practice. I've sat with a couple in a session, and observed them bantering about a sensitive, hot topic. At one point, the husband looked at me and exclaimed, "See? She's doing it again! She was just trying to control me." I sat in front of them perplexed and honestly replied, "I don't see it." He expected to see a certain kind of behavior, and therefore he perceived it that way. Since I did not have expectation or emotional investment, I was aware of a range of nuanced emotions.
As well, I've sat with a dating couple in a similar circumstance, when the girlfriend turned to me and exploded, "He doesn't care about me - he just said it!" I gently shook my head and said, "That's not what I heard him say. I actually heard him indicate the opposite." Often the individual is quiet and knows what I'm talking about, but isn't sure how to shift their expectations.
In this new year, I suggest a commitment to stop looking for the pain and start looking for the positive. If you look for the love, kindness, and affection, you just might find more than you knew was there. Be open to shifting your perspective to see what truly IS there. It might surprise you, like a dancing bear :)
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, College Sexual Health Speaker
(Fun brain image from: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/356kke/)
GiRL FeSt has been holding educational anti-violence festivals in Hawaii since 2003, and now San Diego is lauching its own GiRL FeST movement. Through art, music, education, and community-building, this nonprofit is focused on changing peer culture. They create safe spaces to teach girls and young women about the power inside them, so they never have to be in disempowering situations.
I had tea with San Diego founder, Nikole Ryan, this past Friday, and was inspired by the big picture approach of this organization. I am pleased to be one of the speakers at this Friday's official launch party, amidst other speakers, comedians, musicians, spoken word performers, and artists. My topic is "3 Keys to Building Healthy Intimacy." If you want to learn more, celebrate the launch, or just be surrounded by movers and shakers, come out for the kick-off event!
Friday, January 13, 7pm start time - FREE
Artlab Studios: 3536 Adams Ave, San Diego, CA 92216
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, College Sexual Health Speaker
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
