What Does a Doula Do? Birth Support for Pregnant Women: #149

Doulas are valuable support partners for pregnant women, through advocacy, education, and emotional support. Dr. Jenn interviews San Diego doula, Rosie Peterson, about her compassionate work. http://www.sandiegobirthnetwork.com

SEXUAL FUN FACT
True or False: In India, a citizen's passport has three options for gender: male, female, and a third gender?

SPECIAL DEN SEX-TION
In a Sentence - What's a Gay Guy Have to Say?

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Top 5: San Diego Spots for Outdoor Sex

I am the new Sex & Love Blogger for Pacific San Diego Magazine. Please comment on my first post about enjoying some outdoor friskiness in San Diego!

We are very lucky. San Diego is a warm city, with so many stunning outdoor locations. For the sexually adventurous, this means opportunities for romantic outdoor sex. Below, I offer my top 5 San Diego locales for frisky encounters. Please feel free to comment on your favorite locations!

5. Black’s Beach. This may seem like an obvious choice, since Black’s Beach is our local nude beach, but it also has exquisite beauty with red bluffs, crashing waves, and romantic seclusion. There are some unique considerations for this area, including hang gliders above, sketchy male voyeurs, and naked volleyball players (which sounds way better than it looks). Nonetheless, Black’s Beach is a hidden gem.

4. Balboa Park. Between the architecture and horticulture, Balboa Park is a buffet to the senses. I recommend any location where you can tuck away for some privacy but still be visually and audibly stimulated through nature or relaxing fountains. If you are there when it’s crowded, as a courtesy to others, look for one of the more secluded wooded areas.

3. Bird Rock. I hope this one surprises you, since we don’t hear a lot about this location. While this is the name of a neighborhood in La Jolla, there is also an actual “bird rock” – a rock situated in the ocean just beyond the beach, where birds like to hang out. I think having sex on a rock in the ocean is just cool. But be warned: you will probably have to stand, there’s ample bird crap, and the little crabs might nibble at your bare behind.

2. Coronado Beach. The white beaches of Coronado are beautiful, day and night. I suggest finding a private spot on the beach at nighttime, with the lights of the Hotel Del dancing in the distance. This iconic San Diego landmark adds an element of Hollywood romance to your sandy rendez-vous.

1. Sunset Cliffs in Pt. Loma.Sunset Cliffs is a sensual wonderland, from the deep blue ocean, waves crashing against the cliffs, salty sea air, navigation of the rocks, to the surprise picnic you pack. I think this setting is also better at nighttime, but be careful traversing the cliffs. So take your time, soaking in the natural energy along with your partner’s passion.

There are some obvious logistical concerns with outdoor sex. If you will be lying down, a soft, thick blanket is necessary cushioning, plus a second blanket for privacy. Standing is a good quickie option, but think about accessible clothing. And, if you are going to partake in such activities, please use caution to not frighten small children or get arrested. Nobody needs in flagrante delicto legal charges. Happy exploring!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Why Discipline (Not the Spanking Kind!) is Necessary

“I’m exhausted but I said I’d do it, so I have to do it!”
“I’m just not feeling it right now, so I’m going to have to cancel on you.”
 
Which of the above represents you? Are you into strict discipline of the self? Or do you make choices only through the lens of self-nurturing?
 
I’ve been thinking a lot about the balance between discipline and self-nurturing, or discipline and compassion. One of my intentions for the new year was to actively create a more mindful life, and one of my commitments in that regard is taking an 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course through UCSD’s Center for Mindfulness. I am several weeks in, and am exploring the course for both personal and professional growth.
 
I have participated in some courses with a heavy emphasis on discipline, to the point that participants seemed scared to share dissenting views. I’ve experienced programs with so much emphasis on self-nurturing, that it allows for wallowing but not growth. I like the balance in the MBSR course. We have homework assignments of both formal and informal practices to cultivate mindfulness. However, within the structure of the practice, anything goes, even distractions and falling asleep. Mindfulness is not about “doing” anything, but about noticing all the nuances of being, including our reactions and judgments.
 
It is difficult to break ingrained habits, and it can be difficult to create new patterns. This is why discipline is necessary in the personal growth process. We need some structure and accountability to consistently practice doing new things, and being in new ways. On the flip side, discipline without compassion can keep our walls up. We can go through the motions without opening to feel the process. Compassion towards ourselves is important to stop us from beating ourselves up in the personal growth process, and learning to accept "what is" without judgment.
 
Do you have a “personal growth” project that has been a struggle? This could be exercise, more mindfulness, taking down time, being kinder to your kids, finding a passion, speaking your truth, etc. Look at how you can strike a balance between discipline and nurturing. How can you create a structure to commit yourself to this new practice, but grant compassion for yourself within that practice? I think this balance is invaluable in the realm of personal growth, and is foundational to creating sustainable growth.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

(Image source: http://askdaguru1.blogspot.com/2012/01/discipline-gives-freedom.html)

Asexuality: Are Some People Just Not Sexual? #148

Are we all born as sexual beings, or are some people naturally not sexual? Dr. Jenn discusses the latest research on asexuality with her sidekick, Sean the Comedian, and argues whether asexuality should be considered a sexual orientation.

Sexual Fun Fact
Q: Recently, a man in Zimbabwe got the shock of a lifetime when the female prostitute he ordered arrived. What was that shock?

Den Recommend
Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

"Ask the Shrinks" - Dr. Jenn as Special Valentine's Guest on San Diego Fox 5

CLICK ON PHOTO TO VIEW VIDEO.

Once a week, San Diego Fox 5 News hosts "Ask the Shrinks*," and today for Valentine's Day I was their sex therapist guest. I really enjoyed bantering with the two psychologists and addressing viewer questions about sex and relationships from multiple angles. This is Part 2 of our segment (I can't find Part 1 online). Don't miss when I mention one of my favorite activities for couples: Happy Naked Fun Time!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, & College Sexual Health Speaker

*Disclaimer: For the record, I am not officially a "shrink," because I'm a sociologist, not a psychologist!

Guest Blog for The Happiness Coach - Focus on What IS Working In Your Relationship

This was posted this week to The Happiness Coach's Blog:

One of the most significant conclusions from the positive psychology research is that other people matter to our happiness.  Anyone in a committed relationship knows well that our partner can have a HUGE effect on our emotions.  In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’ve asked my good friend, San Diego relationship and intimacy expert, Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, to be the guest writer for the newsletter this week.  She shares one of the best ways to bring more positivity into our primary relationship. – Eric Karpinski, The Happiness Coach

Complain. Bitch. Moan.

It is easy to complain when we have been in a relationship for a while. When dating, everything is new and exciting about our partner, and we are more likely to express our gratitude. However, in the long run, we often take for granted the positive aspects of the relationship. But before you start blaming yourself here, consider that this negativity bias is genetically influenced. As a survival mechanism, we are programmed, just like other animals, to notice what is wrong or not working. Unfortunately, this negativity bias can be a real drag in a relationship if you are on the receiving end of continuous complaints.

I suggest consciously making a shift from being in a relationship that is based on survival, to a relationship that is about thriving. Try focusing on what is working instead of what is not working. This is a strengths-based approach to perceiving your partner. When you consciously choose to see what is already strong and positive, you can break through your negativity bias and prime yourself for even more optimism. Choosing optimism is a much stronger foundation for the relationship to continue to grow and evolve.

A practical way to put this shift into action is to write a list of at least 20 things you appreciate about your partner. What are his/her strengths? Positive characteristics? What traits made you fall in love? Share your lists with each other, and post them in a place where you will see them often. Another way to integrate greater positivity into your relationship is to end each day with sharing two or three appreciations with your partner. What did he/she do that day that you appreciated? Did your partner nurture you? Spend quality time? Make you laugh? Take turns going first each night. If you find yourself continuing to struggle with negativity, every time you file a complaint, take on the challenge of also finding two ways to compliment your partner.

Making these activities a regular part of your interactions will infuse your relationship with a conscious positivity. Not only will this assist you both in recognizing each other’s strengths, it also makes you feel appreciated, and opens your hearts and brains to greater resiliency and creativity in the relationship. These are all key components to growing and thriving!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, & College Sexual Health Speaker