Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
The Chick-fil-a company statement against gay marriage caused quite a stir. Does it make sense to base 
marriage beliefs on the Bible? And what about the poor chickens?
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Therapist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker
From: http://www.cavemag.com/how-important-is-sex-to-a-relationship/Dear Dr. Jenn~
I think it’s hot to put a finger in a girl’s butt when we are having sex doggy style. But it doesn’t always work and sometimes she says it hurts. What can I do about this?
Thanks,
Wannabe Anal Master
Dear Anal Master,
Anal play has become more and more popular, so thanks for your great question. First, make sure your partner is interested in experimenting with anal play. If she’s not into it, she’s going to have a hell of a time relaxing, and will likely experience pain. I don’t advise trying to ‘sneak it in’ without explicitly asking permission.
If you’re both on the same page about this, then you’re embarking into a realm of heightened pleasure. A short anatomy lesson can be helpful here. To enter the anus, you have to pass through two sets of anal sphincter muscles. The first set are voluntary muscles, which is why relaxation on the woman’s part is important. She can put her attention on that external muscle area, and choose to relax those muscles. However, the second ring of muscles is a different story. These internal muscles are involuntary, which means you can’t think your way into releasing them. However, they do respond to gentle, direct pressure.
From your side, Anal Master, knowing how to navigate these muscle rings is important. Playing around the outside of the anus with a well-lubed finger can help the woman concentrate on that area and relax the first sphincter muscles. Then gently pressing on the anus for several seconds will release the second set and allow access to the inside. For some women who are tense and nervous about this, it may take more time.
Remember to start small, slow, with a lot of lubricant, particularly a thicker lube made specifically for anal play. With a little preparation, patience, and knowledge, you can definitely become the Anal Master.
Be well,
Dr. Jenn
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker
"Why is it so hard to touch the one you love?”
When you’ve been married 30 years, like Kay and Arnold in the summer movie Hope Springs, you might well understand the question above. If you still love your partner, but have been sleeping in separate rooms for years due to snoring and back pains, it’s easy to lose your sexual spark. When you get each other a new cable subscription for your wedding anniversary, you might be taking each other for granted. And when your morning routine consists of the wife preparing and serving an egg, slice of bacon, and bacon to a gruff husband who blows her off to read the newspaper, it’s downright hard to make intimacy change.
This is the life of Kay and Arnold who are experiencing what MANY long term couples experience: a total loss of intimacy. In the United States we learn to romanticize monogamous long-term marriage and presume the fireworks will always be there when we stay in love. But the version of intimacy that is so easy and exciting at the start of a relationship transforms, and it may require a lot of work and mindfulness to avoid a descent into roommate coexistence.
Kay, however, desires the return of intimacy and proposes a week-long couples retreat in the remote and romantic Great Hope Springs. Arnold is as reluctant a client as I’ve ever seen and is, quite frankly, a pain in the ass. Eventually he joins the adventure. The counselor’s approach to couples counseling, mixed with individual counseling, and homework assignments at night, was quite similar to how I would have approached it (except for occasional Hollywood flair). Each spouse slowly unfolds a history of hurt, resentments, misunderstanding, and disappointment, thereby allowing for a new foundation of trust and hope.
Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, and Steve Carell were so nuanced in their portrayal of an anguished couple and marriage counselor, I squirmed with discomfort in my theater seat. It is just plain awkward to watch a couple with two grown children and years of marriage under their belt to struggle learning how to cuddle again, let alone discuss oral sex or try a blow job. Gratefully there were also many comedic moments in their genuine and naïve attempts to reconnect.
We tend to assume that sex is an easy topic, but it is so infused with the host of human emotions, along with expectations, gender differences, desire discrepancies, false assumptions, and lack of sex education. This is how a couple can get to the point of being afraid to even cuddle. But any pattern that was created in a relationship can be altered and recreated. If both partners are willing to work hard, they can breathe new appreciation and passion into even an old relationship.
A piece of advice from me? Never forget that your partner is extraordinary. This will help you continue to appreciate them and treat your partner in special ways that are meaningful to them. And if you want to feel validated in the woes of your long-term relationship, see Hope Springs for a burst of inspiration.
(Originally posted as part of Pacific San Diego Magazine's Love & Sex Blog.)
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Therapist, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist
Shocked by public breastfeeding?A breastfeeding woman should cover up in public! No, no, she should be free to feed her baby... Dr. Jenn weighs in on public breastfeeding and shares her personal opinions.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker
Tips for getting down and dirty in your car, from the September issue of Pacific San Diego Magazine. :)
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Therapist, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist
Talking to your children about sex can be such an embarassing and confusing topic! What values do you want them to have? At what age should you start? Should you just lay down the law? I was interviewed on San Diego Living about this topic, since kids are heading back to school this fall. There was so, so, so much more I wanted to say, but hopefully this gets you thinking in some new directions!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist, and Sociologist
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
