Low or lost sexual desire is one of the most common intimacy concerns in long-term relationships.

I was asked, along with 39 other sex experts, to share my advice on how to reignite lost sexual desire. This was my response:

“Sexual desire is a tricky thing, and still not well understood. And low sexual desire in a long-term relationship is the most common reason why women seek out professional help in their sex lives.
There are many aspects to consider when working with your partner around low desire, but I’m going to emphasize the aspect of “priming your own pump.”
This means taking responsibility for your own desire. And the place to start is to ask yourself what helps you start to feel sexual arousal?
One aspect of priming your own pump is to watch, read, or listen to erotica prior to initiating sexy time or prior to a date night with your partner, to help get your juices flowing.
While you may not feel spontaneous desire (which is totally normal), you can cultivate thoughts that help to stimulate your arousal, which can then lead to desire.
Another way of cultivating arousal and then desire is to touch yourself sexually prior to a sexual encounter with your partner, again to get the juices flowing.
Or you could think about your favorite or most exciting sexual encounter from your past, and then translate that arousal into desire for sex with your partner.
It’s important to know that low desire does not have to mean that there is anything wrong with your relationship or that your love isn’t strong. It’s just something for many people that doesn’t sustain in a long-term relationship, and therefore requires some creativity and teamwork to slowly recharge.”

You can peruse the advice from the other 39 sex and intimacy experts in this article: Re-Ignite Your Sexual Desire on BedBible.com.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus — San Diego Intimacy Speaker, Sex and Relationship Coach, & Sociologist