There is a trend on Hinge and other dating apps that is both new…but also kind of old, in the traditional sense.

Forget dinner and drinks and getting dressed up. Some Gen Z women are using Hinge matches to help build their furniture. Bed frames, bookshelves, TVs mounted on the wall, all courtesy of a first date.

The New York Post called it the “Bob the Builder” trend, and I was interviewed to share my take. At first glance, it sounds a little ridiculous (is this dating or TaskRabbit?), but if you step back, I think it says a lot about where we are culturally.

Why It Works

Here’s the thing: many men have been trying to impress women by helping them for a long time. In the past, it might have been opening a door, paying the bill, or offering advice on a problem. Now it’s tightening IKEA screws or hanging picture frames. As I told the reporter, “It recreates a classic dating ritual, where the man impresses the woman through action.” He gets to highlight his problem-solving skills and also gets to feel helpful and useful.

And honestly, I understand the draw. Putting together furniture can be frustrating on your own (case in point, I was almost crushed when putting together a large IKEA sofa alone during COVID times). Doing it with someone else not only makes it easier, but it also gives you a sense of how the other person shows up. Are they patient? Do they get frustrated easily? Can they laugh about it when things go sideways? And fundamentally, are they kind?

But Let’s Be Real…

Inviting a stranger into your home on a first date comes with risks. In the article, I suggested waiting until at least three in-person meetups before letting someone into your private space. Safety matters.

There’s also the question of respect. Some of these women are posting videos of their dates on TikTok without asking first. What might feel funny or cute to one person could feel like being used to the other. Consent matters here too, in more ways than one.

Bigger Picture

What I find interesting, though, is what this trend reflects. People are tired of surface-level dating and want connection that feels more real. Doing an activity together, even something as ordinary as building a bookshelf , can feel more grounding and more intimate than sitting across from each other at a bar.

Will putting together a coffee table turn into lasting love? Probably not. But it’s a reminder that intimacy doesn’t always come from candlelight and romance and a dating facade. Sometimes it’s found in the small moments of working together…like holding the other end of the tape measure, lol.

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The article has many interviews with woman trying on this trend. Read the entire article on Single women are using Hinge to get their furniture built by matches — for free: ‘It felt like getting the boyfriend experience on a first date’ here.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus — San Diego-based Intimacy Speaker, Marriage Coach, Sociologist, & Author