Questions to Ask to Strengthen Your Relationship or Marriage

How often do you create intentional time to ask and answer questions like this in your relationship or marriage? (It really only needs to take 5 to 10 minutes!)

What's a favorite memory of us that I may not know means a lot to you?
What's something I do that makes you feel loved?
What helps you feel more emotionally safe with me?

I love using questions like this when I’m mingling with couples prior to a couples’ retreat or at dinner with an audience after a speaking event. These kinds of questions are thought-provoking, curious, fun, and can bring couples closer together…even if they’ve been together for 35 years or longer.

I was recently interviewed by writer Wendy Rose Gould at The Knot about the kinds of questions that couples can ask and answer to strengthen their relationship or marriage. Here is a snippet from that article:

"One of the myths in long-term relationships is that once you 'know' someone—their upbringing, how they tend to view various topics, what they like to eat, and how they react in different situations—you're good to go. But there are always past experiences you've never heard about or difficult stories that have been buried," says Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, sociologist and sex educator for Pjur. "More importantly, you and your partner are both always changing."
Just like people are always shifting and growing, so are relationships. Gunsaullus says that when you keep asking, listening and learning about your partner, it keeps the connection alive because you're showing that you care about who they are now and how they continue to evolve.
The Best Deep Questions for Couples
Asking your partner deep questions invites vulnerability, which is where true intimacy lives and grows. Whether you're hoping to cover topics to discuss before marriage or are years into matrimony, here are some of our favorite deep questions to ask in a relationship (many of which were provided by Suwinyattichaiporn and Gunsaullus). These deep questions for him and for her range from sexual intimacy to past experiences to future hopes and goals.

What is something you're really looking forward to in our future?
When did you first realize you loved me (or knew this could be something real)?
Is there anything I could do to make our physical connection even better for you?
What helps you feel more emotionally safe with me?
Beyond sex, what does intimacy mean to you?
What kind of touch do you crave more of?
What role does sex play in our relationship for you?
Has anything I said or did early on really stuck with you over the years?
How do you like to reconnect after an argument or period of distance?
What's something that people commonly misunderstand about you?
What is a fear you've had in the past that you were able to work through?
When are you most proud of yourself?
What kind of personal growth are you hoping to achieve in the next few years?
What do you wish I better understood about your stress?

This is only 14 questions from the 60 that they include in the article. Check out the whole article (and maybe print out the list of 60 questions for your relationship!) at this link: 60 Deep Questions for Couples to Strengthen Your Relationship.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus — Intimacy Speaker, Relationship Coach, Author, & YPO Speaker