Daily well-being tips for couples and roommates during shelter-in-place and social isolation.

For one month I called into the San Diego radio station 101.5 KGB every weekday to speak to radio host Clint August and share a daily well-being tip. Although these tips are directed towards folks who are spending a lot more time at home with a partner or roommates than they are used to, most of the tips are helpful for ALL of us right now. And frankly, they are good practices to take on and continue even after things start getting back to some semblance of normal.

(Read the First 5 Tips and then the 5 After That…to help keep you sane while at home with your partner!)

The following are my last 10 tips suggestions:

1. It’s Friday, so celebrate your successes from the week! What did you accomplish? How did you take care of yourself? What healthy meal did you prepare? Did you exercise at all? Read a book? Reach out to a friend? Help a coworker? Apply for a new job? Whatever it is, take the time to pat yourself on your back and if you are home with others, let them pat you on the back for your small successes this week. And then do the same for them!

2. Discuss your coping styles. Couples might have very different ways of dealing with stress and dealing with so much change in an ongoing personal and societal crisis. This could cause even more conflict right now. So, sit down and chat with you partner for 20 minutes and explore – through a mindful lens of kindness and acceptance – how each of you react under stress. Plan? Avoid? Hide out? Lash out? Distract? Vent? Research? Get clear on what you naturally do and how this may or may not be in conflict with how your partner is responding. Then discuss how you can each compromise a bit and support each other while both being true to yourselves.

3. Step away if it’s too much. We can all get overwhelmed with emotions such as frustration, fear, stress, worry, and anger. Emotional flooding is a real thing when we get emotionally overwhelmed, and we say and do things we later regret. I’m always one for staying present and not running from things that are difficult, but this is different because it’s about being aware and responsible when you’re hitting a tipping point. Notice the changes in your bodily sensations – pounding heart, tense shoulders, warmth in neck, tingling in head, heat in face – and choose to step away from the situation for a few moments and take a few deep breaths. Then return when you’re feeling calmer and more clear-headed.

4. Hug anyone you can! If you have a partner, friends, kids, or pets…hug them! I mean, with their consent, of course. But pay attention to cuddling and hugging and even sitting next to each other on a sofa. Physical contact with other humans and pets can feel calming and reassuring. Now, I live alone and on my walks I try to get the neighborhood cats to let me pet them, but so far they are having none of it, unfortunately! Also, I’ve heard that hugging yourself can have a bit of benefit as well. And if nothing else, it’s a good stretch for your shoulders.

5. Take a moment every day to find peace. I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts recently, and in the past few days I started listening to one from a few years ago called “Missing Richard Simmons.” And, for the record, I didn’t even realize that Richard Simmons was missing and had disappeared from public life six years ago! ANYWAY, apparently, this is something he used to say: Take a moment every day to find peace. So, I encourage you to pause, take a few deep breaths, drop into the moment, and find a bit of calm. And know that you deserve this.

6. A good one to end the week with since it’s Friday…plan ahead. I know pretty much ALL of us have things we were really looking forward to that got canceled, and that’s super disappointing. And it’s frustrating because we don’t know what we can even plan moving forward. So for now, with the folks you’re at home with, look ahead to the weekend and next week, and put some things in the calendar so you have something to look forward to. Game night, take out food from your favorite place, music night, dancing afternoon, specific fun movie night, toilet paper bowling, making masks for health care workers. Some folks more than others need things to be able to look forward to, so put some things in your calendar.

7. Today I want to talk about practicing forgiveness. Of all times that our collective stress levels are high, it is NOW. Many folks are feeling on edge and overwhelmed. It’s easy to feel disappointed with yourself, or disappointed with your partner. But what if you gave yourself a reprieve from disappointment for even just a week. Forgive yourself for whatever you’re judging yourself for, and forgive your partner for whatever you’re judging them for. And try to sit in more of a place of appreciation and peace…. or at least neutral.

8. I’m going to circle back to my first Daily Well-Being Tip a few weeks ago, and that’s appreciation. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of cultivating an ongoing gratitude practice and doing this with others if you have a partner, friends, parents, and/or kids at home with you. Every morning write down something you are grateful for going into that day, and every night, write down at least one thing you are grateful for from that day. Intentionally cultivating appreciation like this is a heart-opening experience.

9. Pray or meditate. Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you might want to choose one of these ways of quieting down and being present in the moment. Put a note by your bedside to remind yourself to spend even just 5 minutes every morning or every evening doing this activity. And if you’re interested in meditation and new to that, there are many great meditation apps that can guide and remind you on your new journey.

10. My final suggestion is one that I give to my coaching clients who are going through a difficult time: Take a holistic inventory of self-nurturing options for yourself. By this, I mean take a sheet of paper and write down the following five categories: physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual. And under each category, write at least two activities that are self-nurturing within that area. For example, physical could be going for a walk and giving/getting a back massage. Mental could be doing a puzzle or game of sorts and reading a book. Emotional could be spending five minutes writing down everything you’re scared about right now, or reaching out to someone and letting them know you appreciate them. And so on. And then every day make sure you’re choosing at least one thing from that overall list and taking care of yourself.

Take care folks,

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Keynote Speaker, Intimacy Coach, & Sexologist