This is my first-ever holiday gift guide and it was damn fun to research and put together! What makes a gift sexy in this guide? If it makes a loved one feel good about themselves and connected to you, or increases their comfort and enjoyment of sensual or sexual activities. I took a holistic approach to sex and relationships here by including gift ideas to enhance the physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual aspects of intimacy. Although this is designed for couples, many of the gifts here are ideal for friends or family members too, and I’ve included direct links to the items in each relevant title. I hope this sexy guide boosts your sensuality and connection this holiday season!
I got one of these this year and I love it! Mind you, if you need a strong vibration to get off, the Vesper necklace by Crave will not do the trick. But I still love this vibrator necklace. It is sleek, attractive, and garners attention, and is a playful way to initiate sexual activity. Even without that, it’s a really fun accessory, and I get secret amusement from mingling at professional meetings while no one knows I’m wearing a vibrator!
I’ve been a fan of Good Vibrations for over 20 years and continue to love their variety of sex toys and sex-positive education. Through their website, they teach you how to select the right vibrator or dildo, how to try anal toys, what toys are good for couples, and more. If you want to surprise your partner with a new sexual device of sorts, check out the best-selling items at Good Vibes.
Do you miss having sex with your partner and want to have intimate times again, but you’re struggling with low desire? This online course is designed for women in long-term relationships who used to feel desire and arousal, but not so much anymore. It includes 14 short videos with many ideas, suggestions, and tips to reignite your desire. I created this course and am offering 20% off for the holidays with the code 20%OFF.
Etsy has a variety of colorful and delicate vulva ornaments for your Christmas tree or home decorating any time of year, and I’ve included that link above. You can also make your own homemade vulva ornaments with water, flour, and salt and decorate them with paint, glitter, and ribbons! I facilitated this craft activity for my The Vagina Monologues students at Cal State San Marcos back in 2004 and 2005, and my family still has some of those vulva ornaments on their Christmas trees!
This is not the coloring book of your youth! Relax, laugh, and maybe get a bit aroused as you and your partner color your way through 40 dicks with paisley, henna, and mandala designs. This is also a fun addition to any party!
Sensual Dance Classes
If your partner likes to dance, look on yelp or search on google for local dance studios that teach sensual dance classes, such as salsa, tango, kizomba, or the forbidden dance, lambada. ;) Buy a gift card for you to take a few classes together, and make a whole date night out of this gift, with drinks, dinner, or dessert included after the class.
Meditation App Subscription
Stress can have a huge negative impact on sexual desire and relationship connection, so give the gift of stress reduction through meditation and mindfulness! There are many helpful online apps for this that are always available at your fingertips and can send daily reminders. Purchase a monthly subscription for apps such as Headspace or Waking Up, and start a meditation routine together.
I launched this game in June for couples, but it’s also a great party game (assuming you’re comfortable discussing sexual topics with your friends!). This simple yet challenging game will boost your sexual creativity skills—without even engaging in sexual activity! So it’s fun, safe, and connecting.
And it’s only $2.99!
These mood-enhancing candles are designed to nourish many of your senses at once. They smell relaxing or stimulating, add a romantic ambience, and can be poured on a lover. The soy wax has a lower burning temperature so you don’t have to be into pain to enjoy this erotic experience. And once you’ve drizzled it on your partner it serves as a massage oil!
This book is a delightful gift idea! Each day there is a question for couples to answer aloud together, and then jot down their responses in the book as well. The questions range from simple ones about the priorities of the day, to preferences and desires, to fond memories. As the description reads, “Over a three-year period, both writers can see how their answers compare, contrast, and change as they create a lasting keepsake of their relationship.” From now on this is going to become a staple wedding present from me!
Obviously, there is a lot of emphasis around the holidays on gift giving. But not everyone feels loved and appreciated by receiving traditional gifts. Some prefer quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, or physical touch. So often couples love past each other, even when it’s obvious they have a lot of love. The book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman helps you figure out how you most feel loved, and what is most meaningful to your partner.
Holiday Lights with Added Treats
If your partner loves spending quality time with you and is a fan of Christmas light displays, then scout out the best light displays in your town and schedule an evening to go on a shiny lights adventure ride. Include the surprises of holiday music cued and ready in the car, hot chocolate or hot apple cider, and a relaxing foot massage after your excursion. While strolling the decorated neighborhoods, this would be an ideal time to share the top five things you appreciate about your partner from the past year.
Is someone close to you a feminist and fed up with what’s been happening recently? This website has feminist apparel about consent, unlearning sexism, women’s empowerment, LGBTQ pride, and anti-hate speech. They have a variety of items beyond t-shirts, like totes, socks, posters, and even doggie t-shirts! Their messages range from amusing to powerful.
For quickies, hormonal shifts and menopause, times when you are dehydrated, or everyday needs, the value of having a good lube at the ready can’t be underestimated. Once again I’m linking to the Good Vibrations website for their quality products and education. I particularly recommend Sliquid products for women because of their emphasis on ingredients that are healthier and gentler to a woman’s body.
The holidays are about a lot more than stress and presents. At this time of year remember to pause and appreciate those closest to you, and think of what makes them feel most empowered, safe, loved, or sexy. Then use this sexy holiday gift guide to go out and be the best naughty Santa you can be!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sex Speaker, Sexologist, & Sociologist