You have a good first date. Meaningful conversation, enjoyable interactions, lots of laughs. But you didn't feel any sexual spark or chemistry. Does that mean any potential for romantic dating is doomed? Or can chemistry develop over time? It's a complicated topic, and I offered my two cents about this topic...Read More
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I was interviewed as a San Diego Sex Therapist on the Fox 5 Morning News last week, and this is Part 2 of the segment we did with seven bachelors (Part 1 is HERE). They handled themselves very well :) I was on the news promoting an event called Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Opposite Sex.
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~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, College Sexual Health Speaker
I was interviewed this morning on Fox 5 News, to promote the "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Opposite Sex" event I'm a part of next week. They had 7 eligible bachelors in the studio, and myself along with morning anchors Heather Ford and Raoul Martinez, asked them individual questions about dating, women, and attraction. I don't think these guys knew what they were getting themselves into, but they really did a great job answering the questions, and I had the opportunity to comment on their responses.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, College Sexual Health Speaker
Well, mabye not EVERYTHING! But this event is a good opportunity to glean some insights into the opposite sex regarding intimacy, dating, communication, sex, and relationships. Having more information like this, helps us respect and understand men and women better, and therefore have better and happier relationships. There will be a panel of experts to answer your questions, ranging from sex therapist (me), dating coach, love coach, and marriage & family therapist.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011, 6-8:30pm, $20/$35 in advance for singles/couples
Marina Village Conference Center, San Diego, CA
Learn more and register HERE.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and College Sexual Health Speaker
- "He walked me to my car and we were kissing for awhile and it was great, but now I haven't heard from him this whole week."
- "He said he's really busy and that's why he hasn't called for another date."
- "We met for coffee and spent hours talking and he said he really likes talking to me. Does that count as a date?"
- "I haven't heard from him in two weeks, and then he suddenly gives me a nice birthday present. I don't get it! What am I supposed to think?"
I'm sure we all have examples like these. I don't mean to pick on men here, but as a woman with many close female friends, these are the stories that I tend to hear. There is often ambiguity at the start of hanging out with someone, as to whether there is genuine interest in dating, interest in sex, or just interest in developing a friendship. How can you tell what the other person is thinking?
In some cases there will be ambiguity no matter what, because you can't always know how much you like the person and how well they match up with you. But wouldn't it be great if there was some system on which to rate what you're thinking about various potentials, and report that to the other person (and vice versa), so there is always clear communication about where you stand? For example, after each interaction, you indicate on a 1-10 scale, how you're feeling about the potential for:
- Hanging out as friends
- Being only Facebook friends
Would this ruin the excitement, mystery, and spontaneity at the start of knowing someone? Or would it just clear up a lot of confusion, hurt, and anger? It seems perhaps it would create MORE hurt feelings at first, while also creating LESS uncertainty and annoyance. I think if this was a standard way of interacting, we would learn how to tap into and express our emotions better, and be better able to handle honest rejection. Food for thought!