Why "Positive" Media Matters AND I'm on a Billboard, How Friggin' Cool is That?!

Have you heard of “positive” media? Probably not. But I’m sure you’ve experienced negative media, which we’re bombarded with every day, and makes us passive, distrustful, and anxious. Most media and advertising defines our reality with narrow versions of beauty, success, and happiness. And things like violence and sex appeal are used to grab our attentions, while stereotypes help maintain the status quo.

Positive media is media that promotes well-being and empowerment, and builds respect.1 It is media or advertising that encourages you to feel good about yourself or to feel compassion for others. The term positive media makes sense when you consider that the purpose of a lot of media and advertising is to evoke your fears or insecurities so you’ll consume the product being sold.

I recently attended the 5th annual Wisdom 2.0 Conference in San Francisco. This conference drew progressive individuals from around the world to explore mindfulness and awareness in the digital age, and consider how we can all cultivate greater compassion. Inspiration Campaign, a non-profit that inspires people to create people-powered advertising, was promoting their work and taking photos of attendees posing with signs touting their own personal positive media messages.

I love things like that! Immediately I knew the message I would pose with: We are ALL in this TOGETHER. That was the vibe I felt and loved about the conference, as well as the mantra that keeps me on track daily with my values. I also happened to be wearing my “Inspire Love” tshirt I had made several years ago, and I appreciated the coincidental double messaging around love, awareness, and compassion!

“We are all in this together” refers to my belief that as humans, we all want the same basic things: to be seen, heard, respected, and loved. Wanting to be acknowledged in such ways, though, makes us vulnerable. And feeling vulnerable can be a scary feeling, so we put up all sorts of facades to pretend we’re not vulnerable and defensive reactions to not feel the pain. This makes us hide from what we really want. It can also make us less compassionate to the needs of others, who just want to be seen, heard, respected, and loved too. I prominently see this is the news regarding race relations, gay rights, or reproductive rights. However, there are many more places this is relevant that might not make it to our radars, such as discussions around people with disabilities, homeless people, or trans-identified individuals.

When I remember that we are all in this together, it helps me get my head out of my own ass. It helps me shift from fear, defensiveness, anger, or disconnect, to a place of open-mindedness and compassion. And that helps me inspire love.

What does the “THIS” mean to you, in “We are all in this together”? How do you think we're all linked, or what helps you be more compassionate to others? What are your ideas about how we could do things differently? Please tweet, take a photo, or make a video, and let me know! (And tag me @drjennsden and/or use the hashtags #THISMeans #AllTogether #PositiveMedia.)

1 Definition from Meghan B. Keener’s work: http://repository.upenn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1030&context=mapp_capstone

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sexual Health Speaker, Sociologist

What Country has the Most Romantic Lovers?

Since we're encouraged to "Kiss me, I'm Irish," does that mean the Irish are particularly good lovers or more romantic? I tackle this topic on the San Diego Living morning news with Marc Bailey, as we delve into different cultures around the world and their versions of love, romance, and sensuality. It's a relatively superficial discussion, but we do touch on the sociologically fact that our versions of love and romance are created by the culture and country in which we're raised. And if we don't like them, why not consider how others do it?!

Watch the video clip HERE.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego Sexologist, Sexual Health Speaker, Sex Sociologist

Orgasm too quickly? Afraid to initiate sex?

I answered two common sex questions in the March issue of Pacific San Diego Magazine. These questions delve into common misunderstandings and fears about sexual health and communication. The first one was from a young man whose girlfriend told him he came too quickly. And the second question is from a woman who doesn't know how to initiate sex with her husband without feeling ridiculous. Check out my answers below or at the At First Blush page.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Sociologist, Sexual Health Speaker

All year round is a good time for GALentine's Day

I really do like the idea of prioritizing celebrating time with our girlfriends. The day before Valentine's Day has been dubbed Galentine's Day (from the show Parks & Recreation), but I think just like Valentine's Day, it's important to celebrate this kind of love, friendship, and connection all year round. Although you might not always be treated with the surprise of Chippendales' dancers on your next gal pal outing ;) We had a lot of laughs on this segment on San Diego Living!

The video is not embedding properly from the San Diego Living website, but you can click here to watch about Galentine's Day on their site!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist

New Year, New Love -- Love & Sex Intentions

Last Friday I got to be on KUSI News and Good Morning San Diego for the first time, talking about ways to focus on your relationships and sex life in the new year. The morning producer brought up a good point - resolutions and intentions tend to focus on our individual needs...but what about focusing on improving our primary relationship?

I suggest a three-step process:

1) What's not working in your relationship and sex life? Write this down and get clear on it. What is your role in this?

2)What is your vision of a happy, satisfied, and connected relationship? Be clear on what direction you're headed.

3) At the start of every month this year, choose one thing to focus on that prioritizes improving what's listed under #1 and moves you in the direction of #2.

I discuss why scheduling is so important, offer ideas to prioritize at the start of each month, and I also give a suggestion to folks who are single and a bit jaded with the dating experience.

KUSI News - San Diego, CA

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexual Health Speaker

Can Dancing Improve Your Sex Life?

We already know that dancing is a physical and sensual experience, alone or with a partner. But how can it assist in deepening the intimacy in your relationship? And for you folks who say "hell, no!" when your partner asks you to dance, consider that this attitude could be impacting the health of your sex life! This segment on San Diego Living was inspired by the local stage presentation of Dirty Dancing!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist