How to Masturbate Even When You've Never Tried Before

How to Masturbate Even When You've Never Tried Before

If you’ve never touched yourself, or haven’t touched yourself since getting married or having kids, then we highly suggest you read ahead. "Our bodies grow, change, and shift over time, and masturbating can be a way of keeping in touch and staying acquainted with our bodies and our pleasure," says Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D., sociologist and relationship and intimacy counselor in San Diego….

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Mindful Masturbation -- Moving from shame to joy & learning!

Mindful Masturbation -- Moving from shame to joy & learning!

Masturbation...is such a sticky topic in our society, especially for women. And mindful or meditative masturbation is an activity that is only about us -- taking care of ourselves, learning about our desires, giving ourselves comfort and pleasure, being sensually present and appreciative....

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Better Self-Care for the New Year

Better Self-Care for the New Year

Although self-care matters all year long, the start of a new year can be a consistent time for us to check in and see how well we're taking care of ourselves. If you're a woman, you may have been specifically trained to put everyone else's needs first. And if you're constantly on the run...

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Mindful Sex, Meditative Masturbation, & Redefining Sexuality

I think sex is complicated. Actually, to clarify that, I think that sexuality is complicated. Sexuality encompasses the physical act of sex, as well as gender roles, values, beliefs, cultural learnings, orientation, attraction, desire, orgasm, power, exploitation, and pleasure, among other things. Like i said, it's complicated.

But the complication around sexuality, particularly female sexuality, is one of my favorite topics to discuss, particularly when I can delve into both theory and practice. I got to do just this in a recent interview with Cynthia Luois on her new podcast show Redefining Revolutions. Cynthia brought a fantastic vibe to the interview, from her intellectual questions, to her reflective feminism, and her vulnerable stories. These are the main topics we discuss in the podcast below:

1. Mindful sex and how to have it

2. Masturbation - the ecstasy and the shame and how to break that shame

3. Sex and sexuality as it relates to race, religion and gender

4. The empowerment and objectification of woman - well which is it, damn it!?

5. Some of Dr. Jenn's favorite myths and plays to have long lasting relationship sex

6. Sexual violence and knowing pleasure from a safe space again

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sexual Health Speaker, Sociologist

A Hot Date with My Vagina

This is not actually about MY vagina (sorry to disappoint ;), but that of a courageous reporter for the San Diego CityBeat magazine. Alex Zaragoza interviewed me this month about women's pleasure, masturbation, sensuality, mindfulness, and empowerment. She listened to my free 10-minute guided "Meditative Masturbation" audio file, and then set up a sexy date night for her personal sexual pleasure. My favorite line from her article? "Take my vagina out; treat her all nice; wine her, dine her, vibrator-time her."

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Sex—it's great, right? I want it all the time. It's basically a vitamin that I really want to take daily because I know it will make me feel good. Unfortunately, like my actual vitamins, I'll go days, or sometimes even weeks, without getting my Vitamin D(ick), leaving me with a severe lack of bone density. Long workdays, general fatigue and laptops in bed seem to be the boner killers in my life these days. Laptop in bed, libido = dead.

As a result, I've taken matters into my own hands. I masturbate often. We should never feel embarrassed or ashamed about masturbating. Shame only strengthens fears instilled by prudish, women-hating jerks.

That said, I don't treat masturbating like something special, nor do many of the heterosexual women I asked. It's more of an I need to get laid but my boyfriend / husband / sex idiot is woefully tired / working / in the drunk tank. I guess I'll just knock one off the wrist before making dinner. 

When it comes to sex, women tend to want some level of romance or excitement. We make a date special by dressing up, setting the mood with boot-knocking jams, wearing perfume and all that other good stuff that incites a bone session. However, when it comes to sex with ourselves, we often just go for the quick-and-easy fix in between the millions of things we seem to have going on at any given time.

I'll admit that my masturbation sessions usually involve lying in bed in a slovenly fashion with Parks & Recreation paused on the TV. It's not the sexiest thing in the world. But lighting candles and dimming the lights to rub one out seems cheesy.

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus believes otherwise. The sex therapist says women should treat masturbation as they would sex with anyone. I visited Dr. Jenn's den, her Pacific Beach home, where she also sees clients, to talk about meditative masturbation. With a friendly, open expression, Dr. Jenn told me things I've always known: Masturbation not only feels amazing; it's also a way to understand and love your body. You gain insight into your sexuality and sensuality, and, over time, the sex you have improves. However, knowing those things doesn't mean you make the experience intimate, as is the case with my lazy ass.

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Read the entire article "A Hot Date with My Vagina" by Alex Zaragoza at San Diego CityBeat.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker