Wife Suing Ex-Husband for Sexless Marriage? WTF?!

Here's the story: A man and woman in France were married for 21 years and divorced two years ago based on her complaint of no sex in their marriage. OK, that makes sense. But then the ex-wife came back and sued her ex-husband for this lack of sex in their marriage. And the judge ordered that the man pay his ex-wife approximately $14,000 for this breach of their marital contract. WTF?

This infuriates me on so many levels:

That the ex-wife would sue her husband for this reason.

That anyone thinks it is their business how much sex a couple is having.

That a judge entertained and granted such a charge.

That a slippery slope of bullshit precedent is potentially being set in the legal system.

I would like to know when it became alright to litigate how often a married couple should have sex? There may be a lot of things that married couples don't like about each other, or aren't ideal in their relationship, and many options from counseling, to workshops, new communication, praying, personal growth, shifting priorities or expectations, help from friends, to leaving. Even if the husband was unwilling to discuss or address this topic, it still does not necessitate the involvement of the legal system.

I can think of all sorts of ways that people are unhappy sexually in their marriages. Will we be able to sue if our spouse doesn't go down on us the way we like?  The list exhausts me.

This gets a big Dr. Jenn "Stamp of Disapproval"!

(The photo is my disgusted WTF expression :)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, & University Sexuality Speaker -- San Diego, CA

Sexualizing Girls? Toddlers & Tiaras

I just read an article that really irritated me. Enough for me to say, "That's bullshit," out loud. It was titled "Toddlers and Tiaras' and Sexualizing 3-year-olds" and described TLC's show about beauty pageants for young girls. Frankly it disgusted me.

The socially conservative folks in our country would have us believing that there are threats to "our children" at every turn. And yet the blatant sexualization of young girls in beauty pageants is supported by many parents. Yes, they are too young to understand the sexual humor and innuendo. No, they are not too young to learn that their value and worth apparently comes from looking sexy, being attractive, and flaunting their bodies. I'd like to check back with these parents when their girls are teens, and see where they stand then.

I think that as girls, what we are taught brings attention and worth from a young age, forms a strong foundation for self-worth and self-esteem in life. Learning to base self-worth on appearance and sex appeal is a slippery slope, from teenage girls who are getting physical attention without the emotional maturity to handle it, or adult women whose bodies are continually aging and changing, and therefore betraying them. That's a sure recipe for body hatred, which has a significant impact on self-esteem, self-expression, respect of one's body, and sexual satisfaction.

I can't wrap my brain around the motivation of parents with beauty pageant girls. Attention? Fame? Value? Self-importance?  Yes, these are things we all strive for, to make us feel whole and worthy. But, please don't use your little girls to battle your personal demons. And that goes for you too, TLC.

If you'd like to read the article that incited this rant, visit CNN's "Toddlers & Tiaras' and Sexualizing 3-Year-Olds."

(Regarding the photo, the article states: "A placard opposes a child beauty pageant organized by the U.S. "Toddlers and Tiaras" in Melbourne, Australia, on July 30.")

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus

San Diego - Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, University Sexuality Speaker

Love Your Body Day - Why Does this Matter for Women's Body Image?

I've been involved with several Love Your Body Day events in the past few years. Love Your Body Day was created by the NOW Foundation in 1998 to raise awareness about the depiction of women, women's bodies, and female sexuality in the media and popular culture. The NOW Foundation's Love Your Body website explains, "Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement."

Poor body-image is a topic that repeatedly surfaces with my female counseling clients and college students. It's an insidious weight that seems to follow women throughout their lives. And for many of us, the belief that a large part of our value, worth, and attention is derived from physical attractiveness, is ingrained from a young age. It impacts our ability for self-love, enjoyment of sexual activity, appreciation of our lives, and to know how to really honor ourselves.

What can we do about this? How can we improve body-image and help other women? I think it's a continual, daily process, of improving mindfulness. It's about noticing the negative thought patterns and reframing, finding and concentrating on what you have to grateful for, and creating your own version/vision of sexy.  When I guide women and students through this process, I use a holistic approach, meaning we delve into the physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual components. And then find a few small steps that can be taken every day to shift the tide.

Learning to love our bodies does not happen overnight, but is a gradual process of raising awareness, redefining, appreciating, and enjoying. This year's Love Your Body Day is on October 19, 2011. If your college, university, or women's organization is looking for a memorable and impactful speaker on this topic, please get in touch with me.

San Diego Sex Talk Show - Video Podcast Shoot for In the Den with Dr. Jenn

This past Saturday night we had our monthly In the Den with Dr. Jenn video podcast shoot, at the Box Line Box studio in downtown San Diego. Enjoy the photos of our backstage fun, from the guests who I interviewed (on great topics like tantra, women and kink, and media and sexual health), and the audience who cheered them on. It was a HOT night in the studio, with the August weather AND the topics of conversation :)

Stef Woods on Sex Blogging, Breast Cancer, and Women's Health Advocacy

How does someone become a dating and sex blogger?  Dr. Jenn interviews Stef Woods, of citygirlblogs fame, from Washington, DC.  They discuss her unique career path, health concerns, and what women can do to become better health advocates for themselves.

SPECIAL GUEST
Stef Woods, Blogger & Health Advocate

SEXUAL FUN FACT
What was the clinical term for intercourse in the 17th century?

Dating & Sex Blogger Gives Fans Control!

I met Stef Woods at a sexuality conference in the spring. We hit it off like a house on fire (that's a good thing) and hung out several times that weekend. I even interviewed her in one of my video podcasts (to be released very soon). She is a dating and sex blogger (named Citygirlblogs) in Washington, DC, with quite a following. This August she has given some intimate control to her readers.

Citygirlblogs, who has an active sex and dating life, is now ending her blogs with three potential choices for her next step -- and the option with the most votes decides! It's the ultimate in "Choose Your Own Adventure." I am really enjoying this interactive aspect, and reading many a comment and rationale. Get in on the action! Find Stef's blog at Citygirlblogs.