I was dismayed to learn that choking has become more common in sexual hook-ups for millennials. I’m dismayed because this is usually without conversation or consent—there’s a new assumption that a woman wants to be choked as part of her sexual play….Read More
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Are you still enjoying sex? Do you have happy naked fun time with your partner, or does it feel like tedious naked boring time? Alas, you are not alone. One of the biggest surprises to couples in long-term relationships is that the passion and drive at the early stages often wears off over time....Read More
There is a right and wrong way to set goals for the new year. The right way involves being clear about what's working and not working for you, where you're headed, what's getting in the way, and then creating structure and accountability. [Interview on San Diego Living]Read More
As a society, we are talking more openly about sex and sexuality, and there is increasing tolerance for sexual differences. However, the increasing public dialogue around sexual topics can lead both women and men to believe they are not keeping up...Read More
Sex is fun…and complicated! While there are a lot of biological components of sexuality, there are also a lot of social, mental and emotional aspects. These often get in the way of enjoying the pleasures of our bodies and the potential for deep connections with others. As a Relationship and Intimacy Counselor, I receive many questions from women about their sex lives; below are five of the most common questions I receive.
1. Am I normal? Is what we’re doing normal?
These questions come from a fear of being judged or not feeling good enough. There may be sexual statistical averages around activities and frequency and tastes, but what really matters is what you like and don’t like, and the same for your partner. You could be perfectly “average” and “normal,” but still have a miserable sex life! Each individual and couple needs to create their own “normal” based on their preferences, needs and desires.
2. Why don’t I feel desire any more? How can I feel passion again?
It is really common for women in long-term relationships to lose their desire. Desire is a tricky thing that we tend to take for granted in the early stages of a relationship. But once those neurochemicals wear off, most women and couples don’t know what to do. The first step is to redefine desire from something that happens to you, to something that you can cultivate. What primes your pump? By this I mean, what can your partner do that helps you feel open to being sexual? Is it doing the dishes for you, massaging your shoulders, or having an eye-to-eye conversation? Focus on what makes you feel loved and nurtured and also makes your partner seem appealing. The second thing you can do is to take responsibility for your own desire. What puts you in the mood, such as reading erotica, fantasizing, or touching yourself? Do these things regularly to kick-start your libido.
3. How can I request my sexual needs without feeling embarrassed?
Read the rest of this blog that I wrote for the Softcup Blog HERE.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist