Scared of Sex Ed

Cartoon borrowed from: http://www.lkbthwys.org/page8.aspxMost people agree that teenagers are greatly helped in Driver’s Ed, by gaining skills to become safer drivers and more conscientious citizens on the road. Yet offering comprehensive Sex Ed to teenagers to gain skills about being sexually safer and more conscientious citizens while dating is highly controversial. Marty Klein, PhD, a leading social commentator in the United States on sexuality, describes the absurdity of our national values around sex education:

Although our country makes cars safer in case of accidents, has school athletes wear helmets in case they fall awkwardly, and establishes poison centers in case toddlers get into cleaning supplies, [those who are sex-negative] don’t want to reduce the consequences of unauthorized, unprotected, or unlucky sex. They say that doing so encourages bad sexual choices. That’s like saying seat belts encourage dangerous driving and poison centers encourage sloppy parenting.*

We are an over-protective society except when it comes to sex. Clearly there is something about the topic of sex that breeds irrationality. The U.S. is founded on Puritan values, and we seem to cling to these values regarding sex despite a variety of science and logic to the contrary. It seems that amidst a cultural and religious upbringing of shame, fear, silence, and disconnect regarding sexuality and pleasure, we develop a fundamental discomfort with our own sexuality. What else can explain the many politicians and religious leaders who publicly condemn anything outside of mainstream, heterosexual, married intercourse, yet whose own sexual desires reveal a penchant for sex outside marriage, texting penis photos, or spending intimate time with gay masseuses? If we could examine the shame around sexuality, and recognize the broad range of sexual activity that is natural and normal, I don’t think we’d see such hypocrisy.

In a few weeks I will visit Sweden, a country that teaches comprehensive sexuality education to all students, by law. The philosophy in many European countries is that sexual activity is a normal and natural part of being human, and therefore children and teens are best suited to be sexually responsible through education. Sweden’s statistics on teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections don’t lie – this approach works.** Knowledge gained through education is a resource for power and choice regarding both driving AND sexual health. Yet, as Marty Klein writes, “The welfare of our children is being sacrificed so that adults can sleep better at night.” I think it’s time for a wake up call.

*Quoted from America’s War on Sex – The Attack on Law, Lust and Liberty.

**The birthrate for teens in Sweden is 7 per 1,000 births, compared with 49 in the U.S., and in the 15 to 19 year old age range, reported cases of gonorrhea in the U.S. are almost 600 times as great per capita.

(This was originally posted as part of the Sex & Love Blogger Series for Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Shhh…Can You Hear That? Vaginas Are Talking

“If your vagina could talk, what would it say?”

This is one of several questions posed by Eve Ensler in her award-winning play, The Vagina Monologues. I think it speaks to the personality of a woman’s sexuality, and offers the opportunity for many women to explore this verbally for the first time. Based on my work, here is what some vaginas want to say:

“Warm me up. Sometimes I may be hot and heavy right away, but other times it takes awhile to get the blood flowing down there. My arousal isn’t always immediate, but it doesn’t mean I’m not interested. I just need you to prime my pump, both physically and emotionally.”

“Slow down! Pounding is good sometimes, but it gets old in the long run, and I feel like a porn actress. When we are in synch with each other, the natural ebbs and flows of intercourse are perfect.”

“Surprise me. You may have found something that seems to work, but this can change over time, and even just day to day! Please don’t let your need to feel good about knowing how to please me get in the way of continual gentle exploration. From the labia and clitoris, to the vaginal opening and G-spot area, and the rest of my erogenous zones, there is a lot of me to discover.”

If you’d like to hear from more vaginas, ranging from hysterically funny to heart wrenching, come see the play The Vagina Monologues. I will be performing in two benefit performances at the La Jolla Playhouse on March 18. Buy your tickets for the 2pm show HERE and the 7pm show HERE.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

(This blog was originally posted to Pacific San Diego Magazine's Blogger Series.)

Women are Sexual & Sluts are Great!

(I just posted this blog to Pacific San Diego Magazine's blogger series.)

Rush Limbaugh’s recent “slut-bashing” incident brought to light how we Americans perceive and experience our sexuality. If you missed this or want the full story, read about Limbaugh’s slut slandering of a female Georgetown law student, in response to her testifying before Congress about access to birth control. The incident is fraught with controversy, so for now, let’s just look at the use of the word “slut.”

Slut Walk San DiegoWhat is a “slut?” Generally, it is a derogatory word used for a woman who is considered too sexual. This begs the question, what does “too sexual” mean, and who decides how much sex is too much for an adult woman? It’s a funny world we live in, where women are highly desired for their sexuality, but criticized, by both women and men, if they want to be in control of that sexuality.

Why is there such a low threshold for acceptable sexual expression for women compared to men? I know a lot of men who like sex, and wish that women were encouraged to like it as much as them! However, there is a distinct gender difference in who is allowed to be sexual without stigma. Research shows that women often report a lower than truthful number of sexual partners. Men, on the other hand, report a higher number. Clearly, both genders have internalized what is appropriate sexual behavior.

Why does it matter if we call a girl or woman a slut? When a woman is labeled a slut, the stigma can be very real in its impact and consequences. For example, labeling a high school girl a slut has long been one of the top insults that can be hurled, and can negatively impact the girl’s reputation, enjoyment of high school, and circle of friends. This hasn’t changed in the 20 years since I was in high school, and with the recent recognition of the dangers of bullying, perhaps this is something to which we should pay more attention.

I believe there is so much controversy around “sluts” because sex is powerful and provocative. People make a lot of decisions based on their sex drive, some empowering and some pretty damn foolish (e.g., look at the fall of so many male politicians and religious leaders who can’t keep their dicks in their pants). I think sexual women have long been the scapegoats of powerful men. Our sexual decisions sometimes have big consequences, but labeling women for choosing to be sexual, when it benefits the women AND men, shouldn’t be one of those consequences.

I think a slut is a woman who seeks sexual experiences and enjoys being sexual. That doesn’t sound so bad to me. Last year, the “Slut Walk” movement in many major cities was a way to reclaim women’s sexual expression, and stop blaming sexual assault on women’s fashion choices. San Diego proudly hosted a Slut Walk in June, 2011. Perhaps a chant of “Two, Four, Six, Eight. Women are Sexual and Sluts are Great!” is something we should all take to the streets.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

150 Shows About Sex: Lessons Learned?

On March 12, 2012, I am hosting a big party to celebrate the 150th episode of In the Den with Dr. Jenn! We had our first video shoot in a tiny studio space in downtown San Diego in June 2006. Back then, I was sitting in a big red luv sac with a production staff of three men. With no teleprompter, I had notes scrawled on a white board next to the camera, and you can see my eyes darting back and forth. We had no idea what we were doing, but had a whole lot of fun doing it.
 
In reflecting on 150 shows about sex, I've learned that…

• Sex is truly a blend of contradictions: fun and serious, pleasure and pain, reverent and irreverent, healing and escape. We can get stuck on one side of the equation, but I think there’s growth in opening to its complexity.
• Maintaining a high standard of integrity around sex-positivity AND female sexual empowerment is sadly not the norm in the sex field.
• I love being part of the San Diego sex community and having the opportunity to bring so many fascinating guests on my show, as well as shooting in front of a live studio audience. Public discourse around sex is so valuable!
• Sexual energy is more powerful and sensitive than I realized. We all need to honor and respect this in women and men.
• People are excited to be a part of something bigger than themselves. I've found that creating empowering, sex positive messages is a challenging yet important cause that calls to many.
• You can never know everything about sex, but we cover a lot through Den Chats and Sexual Fun Facts.  Did you know that yoga can improve orgasms, practitioners of BDSM tend to have higher IQs, women who want to become pregnant should pay attention to their nutrition well before that point, the chakras of women and men open in opposite directions in sexual situations, masturbation is still one of our most taboo topics, and college female gymnasts may serve as masturbatory fodder for male students? These were all new to me!

Here are a few Fun Facts about the show:

• My favorite Sexual Fun Fact is from Session #26. Question: What have zookeepers in China used to assist pandas in reproduction? Answer: Panda porn! They have played videos of other pandas having sex.
• The sex terminology most repeated (to me) from an episode is “anal bleaching,” from Session #20.
• The episode with the most hits on YouTube is Anal Sex: Advice from a Gay Man to Straight Women. (Session #119). Hmm…I think there’s a lot more conversation to be had around this one!

I could go on and on, because creating this show was such an incredible experience. However, I will leave you with two other links:
Session #150: Gynecologist Speaks: How to Improve Women's Libido (with Dr. Diana Hoppe)
Session #1, where it all started!

And please join the party on Monday, March 12, if you're in the San Diego area!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

150th Episode! Gynecologist Speaks - How to Improve Women's Libido

Amidst celebratory champagne toasts, Dr. Jenn interviews Dr. Diana Hoppe, San Diego gynecologist and expert on women's sex drive. What struggles do some women face and what can they do about it? Are there "normal" changes women go through?

SEXUAL FUN FACT
Question: When it comes to crocodiles, whether a baby ends up male or female, depends on what factor?

SPECIAL DEN SEX-TION
Sex Position of the Day -- What is "The Head Shoulders Knees and Toes" Position? (reason to sing!)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Big San Diego Party! Come celebrate 150 Episodes of In the Den with Dr. Jenn

"In the Den with Dr. Jenn" is a professionally-produced video series exploring sex, intimacy, relationships, holistic health, communication, and sensuality. Myself, along with the production team, are having a big party to celebrate all the hard work we've put into this labor of love. All are welcome!

Monday, March 12, 2012, 7pm - 11pm

Tango Del Rey Palace, 3567 Del Rey Street, San Diego, 92109

Free (food & drink available for purchase)

Lots of fun stuff happening at the party:

• Meet many of the guests from my show (experts on sexology, sex education, relationships, healthy sexuality, alternative health, media, eroticism, and more!).
• Free raffle prizes throughout the night.
• Area with lots of wearable props for fun photo opportunities.
• Episodes playing on a large screen.
• Music for dancing AND a salsa performance.
• "Dr. Jenn's Den" drink specials.

Parking: There is a small parking lot, a garage, and street parking - all free parking.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker