A Surprising Answer to Sex Problems: Mindfulness for Sex Therapy and Sex Coaching

Boring sex? Pain during intercourse? Distracted in bed? Sex addiction? No desire to get it on? Is it possible that all these sexual concerns and sex problems could have the same remedy? Yes, and that remedy is the ancient Buddhist practice of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is an awareness skill of being present in the moment, with your thoughts, emotions, and sensations. It is noticing the present moment and – here’s the kicker – not judging what you notice. The health benefits of mindfulness are profound: stress reduction, decline in anxiety, depression relapse prevention, overcoming addiction, and reducing chronic pain, not to mention greater happiness and fulfillment in life.

Researchers are also delving into the sexual realm to see how mindfulness can improve sex lives. Although little research has been done so far, it seems to be beneficial for women with low desire, vulva pain, and emotional distress from past sexual trauma. There is anecdotal evidence that it is valuable for sex “addiction,” erectile dysfunctions, and boredom.

I’ve been integrating mindfulness-based practices into my sex coaching and couples intimacy work for several years because I think it’s the foundation for all personal growth, and some sex therapists use it as well. Do you freak out with jealousy if your boyfriend receives a text from another woman? Mindfulness can help break that automatic pattern. Are you distracted during sex by your perception of your bulging belly or your long chore list to to-do items? Mindfulness skills keep you grounded in the moment and release such mind chatter. Integrating little daily practices of mindfulness can make these big brain changes.

I have mindfulness on my brain more than usual this week, because I just went to a sex conference this weekend. Its not as sexually titillating as it may sound, but it will be intellectually titillating. At this 2012 annual conference for AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, & Therapists) in Austin, TX, I will be speaking on “Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Body: Improving Sex Lives Through Mindfulness.” My take home message for the audience? Mindfulness is the new sexy.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Marriage Coach, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

(This was originally posted as part of Pacific San Diego Magazine's sex & love blog series.)

Meditative Masturbation for Women

Vulva CandleThis isn't the first time I'm talking about the topic of Meditative Masturbation. Why? Because masturbation is still so taboo for women! It's unfortuate that an empowering, pleasurable, sensual, and PERSONAL activity such as masturbation is demonized just because it's about sexuality. Merging self-touching with the components of meditation and mindfulness is helpful in breaking through this discomfort and creating a pleasant experience. 

I created an audio file in mp3 format called, Meditative Masturbation for Women. This is a 10 minute guidance through your 5 senses and body exploration, based in relaxation, mindfulness, and comfort. If you'd like to reclaim (or claim for the first time!) you're ability to relax into masturbation, check it out! A donation of only $1.99 is requested: get mp3 here.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

The Time I Had Phone Sex & Didn't Know It

Photo from: http://blog.catermydate.com/2012/01/is-phone-sex-considered-cheating/I have a pretty cool job. People talk to me about their sex lives. The topics and discussions never cease to fascinate me because sex is complex and just so damn interesting. I really enjoy what I do, and I’m pleased and proud to be able to create a safe, nonjudgmental space around uncomfortable and socially taboo topics.

However, sometimes my work is challenging in unexpected ways, like when I get weird phone calls. I take all phone calls seriously and professionally, even if the person sounds odd or particularly nervous. Lots of people are nervous the first time they contact me, so I try not to use that as an indicator that it might be one of those phone calls.

I was helping my friend Josh with some deep cleaning at his house on a Saturday afternoon when I received a phone call from a restricted number. I rarely answer restricted calls, but was happy for an excuse to stop scrubbing. The call was from a gentleman asking about my phone counseling services (this was before I was doing long distance sessions through Skype).

Through a heavy accent, he asked for a sample of my approach to sexual topics, and I acquiesced. He wanted advice on how to bring more sexual pleasure to women, and somehow it morphed into asking how to stimulate his own nipples during sex. “Use your own hands?” I suggested, confused. Our discussion continued for quite some time, as I struggled to understand what he was asking of me. Josh poked his head around the corner and with a raise of his eyebrows inquired if I was all right. I nodded vigorously – I had this under control. I ended up suggesting that the gentleman try rubbing up against a pillow or the edge of his sofa or bed. Several times he asked, “Now? Are you saying I should do that now?” By the third time, I realized he was also breathing heavily. I promptly hung up.

Josh popped his head around the corner again. “How’d you enjoy that phone sex?” he laughed. “I didn’t know!” I cried. “That SOB was jerking off while I was trying to be a professional. I wasn’t even getting paid for it!” As if that hadn’t been enough, the gentleman actually called back and left a message, inquiring more about my services. Perhaps my unintentional phone sex skills were better than I thought.

Despite my discomfort and the unexpected challenges of working in the sex field, I appreciate the variety and complexity. I think it all comes down to respect. I have immense respect for my clients who choose to face their sexual or relationship concerns head-on. But a man yanking his wank under the guise of professional inquiry? Not so much.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Blow Jobs - Advice from a Gay Man to Straight Women

Get advice on the best ways to give a blow job to a man, from a gay man who knows the penis. Dr. Jenn also discusses the growing market in breast milk.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Break Through Your Sexual Blocks

What can you do to get past your sexual blocks? Those things that are keeping you from enjoying sex, connecting deeply with others, and embracing intimacy?

I was recently interviewed by Michael Peak, of the Magicial Breakthroughs blogtalkradio program, about my advice around sexuality, and my views on topics from pornography, to holistic sexuality, to creativity. Michael begins with a brief hypnotherapy session to help reduce your sexual blocks, and around 8 minutes in, he starts interviewing me about my practice and perspective.

We touch on some pretty interesting topics! LISTEN HERE.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Acupuncture for Low Libido?

How can acupuncture address a flagging libido and sex drive? Dr. Jenn interviews Sacha Landreneau, owner of Hillcrest Community Acupuncture, about libido and eastern philosophies. Also, the bullshit that is the Kansas House Bill 2598 around abortion rights...WTF? And, what's a guy have to say about sluts, spanking, and bacon?

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker