Although sex is “natural,” we humans are highly social creatures. A lot of what we understand about sex has been taught to us from society…and our society carries a lot of baggage around sex!
Karen Tietjen, a fun writer for The Zoe Report, collaborated with me to identify several of the biggest misunderstandings women have about sex. I’ve posted excerpts from the article below:
Here in 2019, conversations about sex are more open and prevalent than ever before. But this is just the beginning, and with more ground to cover, there are still many common misconceptions about sex that are often rooted in the messages conveyed by the media, society, and lessons learned growing up.
That's why relationship gurus Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, a sociologist, intimacy coach, and author of the forthcoming book From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women, and Dr. Valeria Chuba, integrative sexologist and host of the Get Sex-Smart Podcast, are impassioned about de-shrouding the sexual mystery, especially for ladies. "There is so much to learn about sex, intimacy, connection, and pleasure, and our bodies are always changing, as well as our awareness of our own needs and wants," says Dr. Gunsaullus. "Commit to a lifetime of growth mode as a sexual being, and don't let anyone shame you out of that."
To get the train to growth going, ahead, these two experts share the 10 most common misconceptions they address with their female clients. From misunderstandings regarding pleasure and desire to communicating your needs in the bedroom, read on for a professional perspective on what's actually "normal." With a little insight to bolster your confidence, your sex life (and relationship) can be better than ever before.
#1. The other person's pleasure matters more than your own.
"Many women learn growing up that they should put the needs of others first, and that includes the sexual needs of others. And since it can take more time to learn about female pleasure than male pleasure, and there are many misconceptions about the female body and pleasure, it can be common for both people in a heterosexual couple to care more about his pleasure than hers." — Dr. Gunsaullus
#3. You have to have a perfect body to be sexually worthy.
"How your body looks has nothing to do with how sexual you feel or the enjoyment you can get from sex. In our society, we seem to equate how sexy a woman looks to others with how sexual that woman is; but they have nothing to do with each other! We all deserve and are worthy of erotic excitement and intimate experiences with others, regardless of how mainstream 'sexy' we are deemed by others." — Dr. Gunsaullus
#5. It's inappropriate to ask for what you want in the bedroom.
"We can carry so much shame around being sexual and being sexual on our terms; this includes knowing and asking for what we like sexually. We may have learned these shaming messages through the silence in our homes about sex growing up, through undermining media messages and images, through nonconsensual sexual experiences, or just everyday conversations with peers and co-workers. Cultivating mindfulness skills to be able to notice the discomfort of those internalized messages and moving towards that discomfort is a scary but incredibly rewarding way to move through shame." — Dr. Gunsaullus
#7. There's a "right" way to have sex.
"Although options for sexual experiences are incredibly broad, we learn a specific, limited way to 'do sex' in our society. Many folks never question the learned idea that there are limited ways of interacting sexually and sensually; but in fact, the ways of interacting erotically are endless." — From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women
"Thinking outside the box is not weird — it's fun, connecting, creative, and necessary to maintain an active and interesting sex life, throughout your life." — Dr. Gunsaullus
Read the entire article on 10 Common Misconceptions Women Have About Sex.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Keynote Speaker, Sexologist, & Sociologist