Historically, a lavender marriage referred to a union between a man and a woman in which one or both partners were secretly LGBTQ+, arranged to conceal their orientation and preserve social, economic, or career standing, especially in early 20th-century Hollywood.

Are “lavender marriages” today just a new tiktok trend to get attention or a meaningful shift in societal norms?

Today, the term has resurfaced on TikTok and in Gen Z conversations with a completely different meaning. Instead of hiding queerness, it reflects partnerships built for financial and practical stability rather than romance. The modern version might sound something like, “Marry me so we can afford a mortgage and still date whoever we want.”

In a Cosmopolitan article on this trend, I shared how these new interpretations of “lavender marriage” mirror the pressures of our current culture, but could also be problematic. Here are some excerpts from the article:

“The original concept of a lavender marriage is deeply tied to queer history and the struggles LGBTQIA+ individuals faced in navigating oppressive societal structures,” says sociologist Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, a sexologist and relationship expert. “Repurposing it without acknowledging this history can erase the very real and often painful reasons these marriages existed.”

I went on to theorize that:

“These marriages were deeply rooted in survival and the need for safety in an oppressive society,” says Gunsaullus. “While this modern approach lacks the historical weight of necessity, it reflects a broader cultural shift toward questioning traditional relationship norms and creatively exploring new ways to build meaningful partnerships.”

And then I spoke to our rapidly shifting norms around relationships and the institution of marriage:

“This trend feels more like a theoretical representation of Gen Z’s disillusionment with traditional romance, sex, monogamy, and the pressures of modern life than a widespread movement toward legal lavender marriages,” she says. However, Gunsaullus adds that the underlying sentiment here “reflects a deeper desire to reframe relationships in a way that prioritizes autonomy, practicality, and the depth of ‘chosen’ family.”

Read the full article here: What is a Lavender Marriage? Why this old-school concept is making a comeback on TikTok.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus—Sociologist, San Diego Keynote Speaker, Intimacy Expert, Relationship Retreat Facilitator