The Shadows of Sexuality

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Are there parts of your sexuality that you dislike, judge harshly, or deny? Have you ever had the sense that the more you try to deny these parts of who you are, the more they run you? You may also find yourself judging those same characteristics harshly in others.

In the October issue of Vision Magazine, I wrote an article about the nature of the shadows of sexuality and the beauty in shining a light on our shadows. The following is the first paragraph of the article. Click on the link below if you would like to read the entire article!

In a society with an inclination to plaster sexual images everywhere, sex is still very much in the shadows. Sexuality is often laden with shame, embarrassment, guilt, judgment, and stigma, so its shadows can be heavy and frightening. It is imperative to address the shadows of sex to see it is a natural human experience, as well as a powerful force. When such a topic is mired in silence and misconceptions, it can lead to many personal and societal problems, such as abuse and exploitation. The politicians and religious leaders brought down by public sex scandals are perfect examples of individuals whose shadow elements have surfaced in unhealthy ways.

Read the rest of "The Shadows of Sexuality" in Vision Magazine.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Messy Pleasures Remind Us of Our Humanity

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“Get messy in life – at least you know you’re living.”
“The appreciation of pleasure can be an anchor of one’s humanity.”

The first quote was stated by Meryl Streep and Uma Thurman in the relatively disappointing romantic comedy Prime. The second is from Elizabeth Gilbert’s phenomenal bestseller, Eat Pray Love. They are both resonating with me right now.

If you’ve been taught to be good, to follow convention, and stifle your dreams to please others and avoid judgment, than perhaps getting messy and making some mistakes is exactly the calling to rock your boat. I’m kind of a mix of these, as I still embody the lessons to be good and avoid judgment, yet I’m comfortable dodging conventions and following my dreams. Nonetheless, I like the reminder to get messy. You know, although a somewhat literal interpretation of the quote, for years I avoided going under water in pools or in the ocean if my hair was clean, because the time needed to wash it and blow dry it again didn’t seem worth it. I did not realize what I was missing. Did you know that floating is the first pleasure we ever experience? According to Stella Resnick, Ph.D., in The Pleasure Zone, “Primal Pleasure begins with floating, cradled in a sac of warm fluid, connected to a source of complete nurturance without any sense of separation or boundary….The physical experience of bliss is fundamentally an experience of buoyancy: You literally feel like you’re soaring.” I was afraid to get messy, was prioritizing vanity, and consequently not appreciating the extreme pleasure of going with the flow with the freedom of my spirit.

The “messy” reference in the quote certainly means a lot more than physically getting dirty. It is emotionally and mentally and spiritually taking risks and entering new territory. Things are always messy and unclean and scary. But that’s how you know you’re on the right path, because you’re challenging yourself outside a little comfortable box. The pursuit of pleasure, when emanating from a pure drive for beauty, appreciation, and joy, gives us a taste of the best of humanity. And the experience of such pleasure requires the courage to be completely honest with ourselves.

I don’t care anymore if my hair is wild after a good dose of chlorine and salt water. Now I even leave it that way for a couple days. A simple pleasure that makes me smile.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

One Hundred Episodes... and One Pair of Pants

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Dr. Jenn celebrates her 100th session with flashbacks to some memorable moments in the Den. Don't miss the laughter and sexual humor!

SPECIAL GUEST:
The Gorilla Soapbox Gorilla

THE DEN RECOMMEND:
How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything, by Cheri Huber

Shadow Sexuality: What are you Afraid of?

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Dr. Jenn and Jane, Dr. Jenn's alter-ego and the Den Clinical Researcher, discuss shadow work and how looking at parts of yourself that you dislike can provide insight to overcoming behaviors rooted in fear and shame. Shadow sexuality can be brought into the light for sexual fulfillment.

THE DEN RECOMMEND:
The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford

Setting Sexual Intentions - #26

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Just like you set new year's resolutions or intentions, why not apply this to your sexual goals for the new year? Like any other area of our life, our sex life is something we can set goals in terms of holisitic personal growth.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist