Masturbation...is such a sticky topic in our society, especially for women. And mindful or meditative masturbation is an activity that is only about us -- taking care of ourselves, learning about our desires, giving ourselves comfort and pleasure, being sensually present and appreciative....Read More
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What smell still turns you on? How can women feel more satisfied sexually and have difficult sexual conversations with their partners? The funny, smart, and down-to-earth Matt Marr, who is a therapist, comedian, and called the "Gay, White, Oprah," interviewed me for his podcast...Read More
I think sex is complicated. Actually, to clarify that, I think that sexuality is complicated. Sexuality encompasses the physical act of sex, as well as gender roles, values, beliefs, cultural learnings, orientation, attraction, desire, orgasm, power, exploitation, and pleasure, among other things. Like i said, it's complicated.
But the complication around sexuality, particularly female sexuality, is one of my favorite topics to discuss, particularly when I can delve into both theory and practice. I got to do just this in a recent interview with Cynthia Luois on her new podcast show Redefining Revolutions. Cynthia brought a fantastic vibe to the interview, from her intellectual questions, to her reflective feminism, and her vulnerable stories. These are the main topics we discuss in the podcast below:
1. Mindful sex and how to have it
2. Masturbation - the ecstasy and the shame and how to break that shame
3. Sex and sexuality as it relates to race, religion and gender
4. The empowerment and objectification of woman - well which is it, damn it!?
5. Some of Dr. Jenn's favorite myths and plays to have long lasting relationship sex
6. Sexual violence and knowing pleasure from a safe space again
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sexual Health Speaker, Sociologist
Consider these utterances:
All men are assholes.
I know how to get women into bed.
I didn't even know the bitchs' name the next morning.
I’d rather fake an orgasm than have to tell my partner what I like.
My message that "We are all in this together" (see previous blog about my billboard) indicated that we as humans all want to be seen, acknowledged, understood, respected, and loved. However, as reflected in the above statements (that I've actually heard before), compassion and sex don't necessarilly go hand in hand. Love, respect, and understanding are important in such an intimate act. Even if you've just met the other person, they are still another human being who is worthy of respect and kindness. But our patterns, projections, fears, and walls of protection get in the way of this basic fact.
American social norms encourage much judgment and shame around sexual expression. We plaster sexual images everywhere, but are also quite prudish. There is so much discomfort around sex, and frank sexual conversations are often avoided. Sexual expression can be stigmatized and anything outside of a narrow range of "normal" seen as wrong. However, if we remember that as humans we all are on this wild ride of life together on this planet, and that connecting intimately with others is one of the most beautiful things we can do as humans, we may be able to be a little kinder to our partners and even random people.
We share, as humans, the vulnerability of wanting love and connection. We could dislike this feeling of vulnerability and run from it by projecting negativity on others in an attempt to protect ourselves. OR, we could realize that we all share these same basic fears and deep desires. This common humanity unites us. And I hope it motivates us to inspire love and compassion, instead of fear and disconnect.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
Dr. Jenn and Jane, Dr. Jenn's alter-ego and the Den Clinical Researcher, discuss shadow work and how looking at parts of yourself that you dislike can provide insight to overcoming behaviors rooted in fear and shame. Shadow sexuality can be brought into the light for sexual fulfillment.
THE DEN RECOMMEND:
The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford