Cooking Up Seduction Video Teaser

Introducing the new video series with Chef Jenn & Dr. Jenn...

Cooking Up Seduction
~Where the culinary arts
meet the erotic arts~

How do you make love to an orange?
Click HERE to view this show teaser on YouTube.

EPISODE TOPICS
1. Home-made Chocolate Body Paint
2. Sensual Eating
3. Luscious Peach Cobbler
4. Edible Body Dust
5. Home-made Sex Ornaments
6. Sexy Human Sundae

The shows are in the process of being edited...

If you would like to be notified when these erotic cooking shows become available, and you're not already on Dr. Jenn's Den monthly mailing list, create an account to become a free Den Member and receive a monthly Den update. Or email Dr. Jenn with questions.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

The American Religion at Christmas - Consumerism

I was watching the news Thanksgiving night. The reporter was outside Target and Best Buy interviewing soon-to-be shoppers, camped out in their tents for the night. They wanted to be the first people in line at 4am when the stores opened for Black Friday.

The next day I watched a brief interview with a Buddhist scholar. He stated that the unifying religion of America is consumerism.

And the following day at a tasty home-made brunch, I had an insightful conversation with an elementary school teacher and mother about the values of materialism she witnesses at a young age.

Although the link between consumerism and my work in relationships and sex may not be immediately apparent, I think the values, priorities, and escapism are intimately linked. As a nation we strive to acquire more possessions. Shopping when we feel down is called “retail therapy.” After September 11 we were instructed to be good Americans or good New Yorkers by buying more things and spending more money.

This focus on the superficial keeps us constantly striving to fill a void that can never be satisfied in such a way. There is always more to want. There is always a reason to seek out a new (i.e., younger, wilder, richer) partner through the grass is greener lens. There is always something stimulating to distract us from uncomfortable emotions and difficult personal growth. This can keep us diverted from the present moment and the relationships we could be nurturing.

If I can offer one suggestion during this holiday season, it is to question what makes you happy, and how you can strive for a depth of fulfillment in your life and your relationships. At the end of our lives, I really do believe it is the quality of the deep connections we had with others that truly matters. So where can you make a shift this December from spending money to spending quality time? How can you be creative with your gift-giving, and give the gift of joyful presence? Who can you positively impact with the generosity of your energy and beautiful spirit? Perhaps it could be a friend, partner, parent, sibling, neighbor, or child. I think any shift in perspective here will reduce the focus on stress, money, and possessions, and redirect to lasting feel-good connections.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Use Magic Instead of "Faking It"

I was at a friend's apartment recently when she told me about doing "magical" rituals with another friend. I don't generally use the word "magic" often nor take it particularly seriously. In my understanding, they were using the concept to create an attitude that anything is possible, and adding magic to an intention allows a shift in consciousness for its creation.

When I was at lunch yesterday with a colleague and videographer, Wes, he used the term magic as well, in the context of sexual fulfillment. Practitioners in the sexual field sometimes recommend that people "fake it until they make it." The belief is that if you don't feel confident about something, just go through the motions until you start to gain the knowledge and skills to actually be and do what you're striving for. Wes, though, makes a powerful shift with the inclusion of magic. Instead of faking it (and knowing that you're faking it), why not add magical intentions?

Although this is particularly "woo-woo" type of thinking, I believe it has the potential to be incredibly powerful in giving someone a boost for their leap of faith. It is as if you know you need something else (to learn, be, experience, have, etc.) and without having that you may feel stuck or too scared to try. If you allow space for magic to fill that missing piece for the time being, and TRUST it will do its job, then you can move forward with greater security and confidence.

As I write this, I do recognize that it sounds a little crazy. But it is also resonating with me in that we create so much of our reality through our perception. Why not add the belief in that extra little boost through "magic" as a new tool of strength and empowerment to your tool belt?

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling
~Healthy Sexuality & Happy Relationships in San Diego~
www.drjennsden.com
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Breaking Patterns - Building Healthy Relationships

It can be challenging to avoid falling into old patterns at the start of a new relationship. The excitement, new-ness, hormones, and wanting to present yourself in the best light, can create a context where old patterns are resurfacing without you realizing.

Sometimes after a relationship breaks up, you can look back and see small (or perhaps large) ways that you were not being true to yourself. I recommend making a list of questions to prepare for yourself ahead of time; start by analyzing where and how you think you lost part of yourself in past relationships. Did you agree with everything your new partner offered and said so as not to make waves? Did you use alcohol as a social lubricant to make sexual encounters less fraught with self-consciousness? Did you start spending every available moment with this person, to the detriment of friendships and other obligations?

We all have patterns and ruts that can lead to the same unwanted outcomes, irritations, and disappointments in the long run. If this resonates with you, here are some specific questions to get you started so you can check in with yourself as you’re getting into a new relationship:

• Am I voicing my needs? In a responsible, honest way?
• Do I feel out of balance? This includes physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually?
• Am I reacting to irritations from a past relationship, without giving this person a chance?
• What is my intuition telling me as to whether this is a healthy relationship for me?
• Do I respect this person? Do they respect me?
• Am I afraid to be vulnerable and express my true self?
• Does this person bring out the best in me?
• Am I taking care of and nurturing myself?

Add questions that are relevant to your patterns. Pull this list out when you have started a new relationship. Be gentle when answering your questions. This is definitely not about beating yourself up, but about staying grounded, authentic, and present in your new relationship and on your path of building healthy relationships.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Girltalk Blogging - Soulful Conversations for Women

I am doing a three-month stint as the 30-something blogger for Girltalk, the educational, inspirational, and edgy website by Inspirational Catalyst Christine Arylo. Christine motivates us to be real, trust ourselves, and love ourselves -- and support each other in the process through soulful conversations.

The blog topic for the beginning of April is: What's hardest and what's most exciting about today's crazy economy? If you're looking to redefine success and happiness on your own terms, check it out HERE!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego

Awakening to Sexual Self-Love

With all the images and messages of love in the media this month, why not take the time to awaken to your own sexual self-love? What does that even mean?

I wrote an article for the February Issue of "Vision Magazine" on this topic, while delving into body-image, meditative masturbation, and self-expression. I've posted the beginning of the article here, with the link at the bottom if you would like the read the entire piece.
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Learning to love ourselves can be a challenging task and a long journey. Lying at the core of self-love are the abilities to know ourselves, like ourselves, and appreciate our strengths, while accepting our weaknesses. Expanding self-love into the sexual arena can offer even more avenues for personal growth. Unfortunately for many people, self-love and sexuality are mutually exclusive. Sexuality is often relegated to its own discrete box and does not receive the same knowledge, appreciation, and acceptance as the development of self-love and personal transformation in other areas of our lives.

When expanding self-love to our experiences and meaning around sexuality, it may be easier to first state the opposite of sexual self-love: guilt, shame, embarrassment, disconnection, body-loathing, and lack of knowledge. These emotions and mental states are the result of fear-based learning about sex and sexuality from various sources, such as restrictive religions, embarrassed parents, ignorant teachers, and idealized media images. If you begin with sexual topics where you feel anxiety or discomfort, you can identify where you have opportunity for immediate growth. The areas of body-image, masturbation, and freedom of expression can be a great place to start.
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To read the entire article, please follow this link to Vision Magazine.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D.

Sex Therapy & Relationship Counseling in San Diego