New Year, New Love -- Love & Sex Intentions

Last Friday I got to be on KUSI News and Good Morning San Diego for the first time, talking about ways to focus on your relationships and sex life in the new year. The morning producer brought up a good point - resolutions and intentions tend to focus on our individual needs...but what about focusing on improving our primary relationship?

I suggest a three-step process:

1) What's not working in your relationship and sex life? Write this down and get clear on it. What is your role in this?

2)What is your vision of a happy, satisfied, and connected relationship? Be clear on what direction you're headed.

3) At the start of every month this year, choose one thing to focus on that prioritizes improving what's listed under #1 and moves you in the direction of #2.

I discuss why scheduling is so important, offer ideas to prioritize at the start of each month, and I also give a suggestion to folks who are single and a bit jaded with the dating experience.

KUSI News - San Diego, CA

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexual Health Speaker

Can Dancing Improve Your Sex Life?

We already know that dancing is a physical and sensual experience, alone or with a partner. But how can it assist in deepening the intimacy in your relationship? And for you folks who say "hell, no!" when your partner asks you to dance, consider that this attitude could be impacting the health of your sex life! This segment on San Diego Living was inspired by the local stage presentation of Dirty Dancing!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist

The Best Sex She's Ever Had

A lot goes into great sex: Affection, attraction, anticipation, location, surprise, and much more. To spur your imagination, we spoke to seven women who shared their sexiest, most mind-blowing experiences, then asked experts to help us understand what you can learn from them.  

"Our coworkers could have caught us in the act."

This new guy and I had been casually flirting on the job for a couple of weeks. We worked at a photo studio that shot models and clothes and lifestyle products. One of my chores was to manage the product closet. One day I was inside cataloging when my crush came by to chat. We started joking around ... and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. The closet connected to a conference room, so I quickly shut the door. It wasn't too long before our clothes started hitting the floor. He'd just peeled off my panties when I heard voices. We froze. My boss had come into the conference room with some coworkers, apparently for a meeting. The guy stared at me. I stared back. Trapped! So why not? We picked up where we left off. The thrill was insane: a new guy, a crazy new experience, the risk of discovery. Even better was trying to be quiet. When I was about to climax, he gave me his shirt to bite down on. It smelled like his cologne, and my orgasm was seismic.

—ANGELA, 32

WHY IT WORKED

The fear of being caught sends a gusher of adrenaline and endorphins through your system, heightening the passion, says Jenn Gunsaullus, Ph.D., a sociologist and intimacy counselor in San Diego. But there's a subtler kick too: Fooling around in secret makes you both feel that you're sharing a special bond—and that connection can linger after the act.

Click here to read the rest of this Men's Health Magazine article by Jennifer Miller.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist, & Sex Counselor

How Can Costumes & Role Playing Improve Your Sex Life?

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist

Does the thought of donning a wig and feather boa in the bedroom sound silly, sexy, or somewhere in between? Since we're in the Halloween spirit, this morning on San Diego Living I discussed how costumes and props can be used all year long to turn a stale, serious, or predictable sex life into one that oozes fun, surprise, permission, and creativity.

Getting Your Sexual Mojo Back

My first time live in a radio station! These radio hosts were awesome to talk to about mojo, sex, relationships, communication, and my experiences. My piece starts around 1:06:40.

HAPPY Hour San Diego 04.24.2014 Singer Song Writer Steph Johnson, Sexual Expert Dr. Jenn Gunsallus by Rich Singley on Mixcloud

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego, CA, Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Dear Dr. Jenn: How Can I Be Better in Bed?

"How can I be better in bed?"

People often ask me this question, wanting a secret technique to give their partner more pleasure. I advise them that the best way to become a better lover is to approach sex as a holistic experience. Fortunately, if you’re interested in expanding your sexual horizons, San Diego has plenty to offer. The only requirements are curiosity and the courage to explore.

Whether exploring the mental, physical, emotional, social, or spiritual sides of sex, it takes courage to step outside your comfort zone. As San Diego sexual spiritualist Shawn Roop says, “Sex is a natural act that can enlighten, awaken and open the body and soul, and quiet the mind.”

Mental

Sex Ed in school might have been uninspiring, but sex classes available in San Diego will make you want homework. Sexologist Dr. Sayaka Adachi teaches workshops at Déjà Vu Love Boutique in Vista and private home parties. She says classes like “Blow Him Away!” and “The Amazing World of Female Orgasm” are popular because they “teach the nitty-gritty of fun and easy techniques to pleasure a partner, while expanding knowledge of themselves and their partner.”

Dr. Adachi says that in the sexual realm, like everywhere else, knowledge is power. When asked what people incorrectly think they know about sex, she says with a laugh, “How big the clitoris is, let alone where it is.”

At Pleasures & Treasures Boutique in North Park, sex educator Alex West Moreau teaches a range of classes on improving sex and BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism).

“The most challenging thing for people to grasp in my classes is that it’s simply ok for them to want to explore their sexuality,” Moreau says. “Permission to explore is rarely given to oneself.”

While classes on BDSM may feel too risky for some, Moreau promises a “safe and secure environment for the public to learn how to explore deeper levels of themselves and connect more deeply with their partners.”

Physical

If you think that sex-toy stores have sketchy staff and offensive product packaging, then you need to visit a local gem, The Rubber Rose, in East Village. According to owner Lea Caughlan, the store is “simple and classy, with a carefully curated selection of bodysafe products, presented in a nonjudgmental, gender- and sexuality-neutral context, run by sex educators.”

The Rubber Rose commits to carrying only “skin-safe and nontoxic” products. As to the physical benefits of toys, Caughlan says, “Our bodies are physically invigorated when we orgasm.” For individuals who need greater stimulation intensity, or have experienced changes due to aging, illness or trauma, “Using toys can create a bridge and allow us to learn our bodies,” Caughlan says. “Toys can also create new dialogue between partners communicating new or different levels of desire and using the toys to play out fantasies.”

Beyond toys, learning how to move your body in new ways can build confidence and entice your partner. Pole dancing classes offer a sensual experience and heightened body awareness.

“Exercise makes you stronger, healthier and more confident, and those all make sex, and everything else in your life, better,” says Marie Davidson, owner of Fun Pole Fitness in North Park.

Emotional

February brings local performances of the award-winning play The Vagina Monologues, including at San Diego State University. The play promises to elicit from audiences a rollercoaster of emotional reactions: sadness, thoughtfulness, shock, amusement and a lot of laughter. Attending this show can be a healing experience for audience members.

“When we discuss such topics openly, we eliminate the sense of shame that too frequently surrounds them, and instead foster a sense of empowerment,” says Sharlene Castle, producer of the SDSU show. “We want women in the audience to feel proud of their vaginas and sexuality. We want men to understand and empathize with the female experience, and we want everyone to feel outraged about the injustices women continue to face — and then do something to change it.”

Social

Sex may be considered a private experience for many, but Kamala Devi, a Pacific Beach resident and sex coach, hosts monthly Tantra Talks, Poly Potlucks and Sacred Snuggle Parties.

“The first two are meet-and-greets for people interested in exploring new paradigms of connection, either by going beyond monogamy or making sexuality more spiritual,” says Devi, a star of the Showtime series Polyamory: Married & Dating. “The Sacred Snuggle parties are more like laboratories to express your boundaries and desires for touch, intimacy and sensuality.”

For beginners, these sexual-social environments might feel intimidating, so Devi emphasizes safety. “We give a warm welcome to newcomers and discuss social agreements such as consent, confidentiality and celebrating diversity,” she says. “People are welcome to come and watch and learn; they don’t even have to speak.”

Spiritual

The spiritual component of sex explores being present in the moment. Golden Hill resident Shawn Roop, who teaches spiritual workshops, says U.S. culture is missing “a personal sacred sense of sex. Fantasy, escapism and shame have ripped the grace and beauty sex offers each of us.”

Roop addresses this missing piece by teaching that “men and women have different ways they approach sex. I empower women to understand how to have sex that meets their needs beyond just the physical act. I share with men how to engage sex from a more vulnerable place.”

(This was originally published by Pacific San Diego Magazine in February 2014.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist