Have a Beer with your Fear

(This was originally posted on October 31, 2012, as the Sex & Relationships Blog for Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

http://www.zazzle.com/trick_or_beer_funny_halloween_tshirt_mug-168835565549837282It’s Halloween, so why not have a beer with your fear? I don’t mean to say you should use alcohol to ecape your fears. But I do suggest you sit down with your fear like you would an old friend, and really listen to it.

We usually run from our fears through distraction, numbing, or reacting with anger to feel more powerful. We do anything we can to not feel the fear, regardless of whether the feelings come from a fear of pain, loss, humiliation, being unlovable, not smart enough, not man enough, not pretty enough, etc. Until we learn how to sit down with our fears and accept them for being there, like we would a friend, we continue to allow them to wreak havoc in the background. While it might not seem important in the background, this means our fears will influence our reactions, decisions, and ability to relate to others. Pretending that they are not there only makes this dynamic stronger and out of our control.

How can you break this pattern? By doing the opposite of what you want to do. When you want to escape or distract from an uncomfortable fear, choose to stay with the feelings and bodily sensations. Notice them, label them, breathe into them. Befriend your fears by accepting them for exactly as they are. Once you’ve sat and had a few beers with them, they aren’t so scary anymore. Cheers!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Vulva Talk: Mulva for Obama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s9_bDr9-QI&feature=youtu.beVulva Talk! Mulva the Vulva is pleading for your protection this election. Don't let her down!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist

Hysteria Movie Review or The Man to Thank for Vibrators!

Imagine it is 1880 and you are a London housewife. You are unsatisfied with your life, easily irritable, depressed and experiencing insomnia, so you seek a doctor for assistance. If you can afford Dr. Robert Dalrymple and his protégée Dr. Mortimer Granville, you would be diagnosed with “hysteria.” This was considered a plague of their time, a “disabling condition” for at least half the women of London. The cause of this plague? An “overactive uterus.” Here’s the best part:  The treatment for hysteria was…(wait for it)…having your clitoris manually stimulated by your doctor until orgasm. I’m serious. This was a medical treatment to address the nervous system and help put a woman’s uterus back in order.

From: http://open.salon.com/blog/wqbelle/2012/06/19/movie_review_hysteria_plus_my_ramblings_about_the_female_paroxysm_er_orgasmThe movie Hysteria provides a glimpse into the lives of Dr. Dalrymple and Dr. Granville, and their exclusive and lucrative practice in treating housewives of London. But poor young Dr. Granville didn’t know what his new job would entail. The physical strain was too much, and persistent hand cramping (presumably the start of carpal tunnel syndrome) began to interfere with his ability to get women off.

Luckily for Dr. Granville, this eager doctor happened to have a friend and benefactor who was a Lord of London and eccentric inventor. His latest invention was a steam-powered generator attached to a feather duster to ease the strains of housework. However, they saw the potential to extend this technology to ease the strains of Granville’s handiwork. The result? Multiple “paroxysms” in a quarter of the time. The marketability of this as a home product for the relaxation and health of women led to the invention of the portable home “massager,” the precursor to our favorite vibrators today.

I’ve known about the origins of the modern vibrator for many years, but Hysteria helped fill some confusing gaps for me. For example, how was it possible that the doctors didn’t know they were sexually pleasuring their female patients? How did they not know they were inducing an orgasm? Also, wasn’t this type of touching considered very personal and embarrassing? At the time, it was believed that women only experienced sexual pleasure through penetration of a penis. The doctors believed they were triggering a paroxysm which was understood to be a necessary outburst and release of emotion. And as depicted in the movie, the doctors provided their vulva massage to each patient behind a red velvet curtain, draped at the woman’s waist, to maintain modesty.

The history of the vibrator is confusing and truly ridiculous by today’s understanding of sexuality. Despite dabbling in serious topics, Hysteria takes a romantic comedy approach that is entertaining and accessible, but certainly not earth shattering. I recommend it as a worthy rental to tickle your sexual funny bone. And what movie about vibrators wouldn’t have a happy ending?

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist, Sex Coach

REAL Sexy Halloween Costumes

Tired of all the "sexy" Halloween costumes that have no right being sexy? Here are some ideas for REAL sexy animal costumes to inspire you!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Get Lusty gets real about sex with Dr. Jenn

Get Lusty for Couples recently chatted with me about sex, gender, age, holistic sexuality, and bold communication. Listen to the audio podcast here and read some of the highlights below.

Highlights of Dr. Jenn's podcast interview

• What drew Dr. Jenn to the human sexuality aspect of sociology? A self-proclaimed "good girl" when she was in college, Dr. Jenn joined the Sexual Health Peer Educators to become comfortable with public speaking and her interests in sex, sexual health, and power dynamics in gender evolved from there.
• What are girls taught versus what are boys taught growing up, says Dr. Jenn, presents a problematic power dynamic for women as it puts women at a disadvantage with less freedom surrounding sexuality. Society fosters negative and shameful feelings about sexuality, when it should really be open and widely discussed!
• What are some of the biggest issues Dr. Jenn's seen for couples? In younger couples, technology and social media becomes a factor in harboring jealousy, while in older couples there's the issue of boredom and difference in desires between genders.
• To cover both the younger couple's and the older couple's problems, Dr. Jenn suggests creating new habits, like weekly check-ins to discuss intimacy and topics they're working on as a couple.
• What are the benefits to a holistic approach in talking about sexuality? There are many layers to human emotional logic, Dr. Jenn believes; delving into deeper aspects of a person's psyche allows you and others/your partner to better understand the beliefs and experiences that make you you.
• How do you learn to boldly talk about sexuality in an open way? Look at it as a homework assignment, Dr. Jenn says, and agree each week to bring one new thing to your sex life. This will create a structure to make it less awkward and uncomfortable to talk about sex.

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist

Porn as Education

Since sex education sucks in our country, this is what young men learn about how to sexually please women.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sex Therapist, Sexuality Speaker