Grateful160 for Counting Your Blessings

“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.” ~Humor Columnist, Harold Coffin

http://www.abundance-and-happiness.com/gratitude.htmlWant some help counting your own blessings? I’m a huge proponent of doing “daily gratitudes,” where you write down three to five things you are grateful for in the past day. This activity is a keystone of the burgeoning science of happiness field, and there is mounting evidence that such activities have a profound impact on increasing optimism and improving happiness. (In my field, this is quite related to building happy relationships and fulfilling sex lives.) When reflecting on your day, your appreciations need not be the big things in your life, such as your partner, job, or car, but can be the little things, such as a seeing a spray of wildflowers on the side of the road, cashing in your “10th one for free” on your coffee card, hearing your favorite song on the radio, or eating at a delicious Thai restaurant.

If you struggle with accountability when starting new habits such as this, you can now sign up for an online gratitude journal called grateful160. Reminders are sent to you via email or text to assist in recording your daily gratitude list. When you reply to this correspondence with your gratitudes for the day, they are stored online for you. Every Friday you receive a review email listing all your daily gratitude entries for the past week.

I’ve been using this program for the past three weeks, and I’ve found the gentle nudge to record my gratitudes through email keeps me more accountable. I really enjoy the weekly recap and I’ve been surprised by how much of the week I had already forgotten. This review of what I appreciated was also an experience of savoring my positive experiences, which is another hallmark of the happiness research. I’m not sure what the “160” represents in the title, but grateful160 can support you in appreciating your life, 365 days of the year.

(Originally posted as part of Pacific San Diego Magazine's Love & Sex Blog.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sex Therapist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Dr. Jenn releases EBook on Sex!

Ebook on Female Sexuality by Dr. Diana Hoppe & Dr. Jenn.I'm proud to announce the release of my first ebook, with my co-author Dr. Diana Hoppe. Dr. Diana is a board certified OB/GYN, and we've merged our perspectives on women's sexuality to write Am I Normal? A Woman's Guide to Female Sexuality. We think all women could benefit from reading this short ebook, but it is specifically targeted to younger women from 18 - 30 years of age.

Chapter one explores the history (and herstory) of women's genitals, and chapter two teaches you the low down about down there. In chapter three you get to take the time to reflect on your own sexual journey. Chapters four through six guide you through the messages you learned about sex and gender growing up, body image and self-esteem, and sensuality and masturbation. Each chapter is followed by a worksheet to guide your journey through exploring your own sexuality.

This is available through Amazon Kindle, and also in a variety of other formats through Smashwords. Please let me know what you think!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist

Stop Pissing off Your Partner - Vent, Gather Info, or Fix?

http://articles.lovingyou.com/love/stop-fighting/Some of the most common gender differences I see in relationships regard communication styles. For example, it is not uncommon for a woman to want to talk through things and vent about her concerns. However, many men interpret this as a request to fix the situation. It makes sense -- if someone we love is hurting and tells us that, why wouldn’t we want to do what we can to “fix” it? But interestingly, the woman often becomes irritated because she says he isn’t listening to her or is trivializing her concern. And the man gets annoyed, because he thinks she isn’t taking his advice to make the situation better.

If you recognize this pattern in your relationship, what can you do about it? The best approach is to be clear about your expectations from the start. For example, if everyday when you get home from work you like to tell you partner about what happened and share your frustrations, state up front what you’re looking for. “Hi hon, can I just vent about my day? You don’t have to do anything. I just need you to listen.” And if you’re on the receiving end you could say, “I noticed I’m getting really irritated listening right now and frustrated that I can’t do anything. Do you want me to help you fix this problem, or do you just want me to listen?” This will make a big shift in communication and avoid hurt feelings.

I think there can also be a third category, depending on your personality. Sometimes people share stories and ask questions because they are on a “fact finding” mission. They want to gather perspectives so they can come to a more informed decision for themselves. So recognize this as a middle area, and clearly state your intentions for the conversation. “I don’t need to vent, but I’m also not looking for a fix. I’m curious about your ideas around this topic just so I can gather information.” With this clarity, the partner who is giving the feedback will be less likely to feel discouraged if you don’t take their advice.

Like developing any new habit, it can take time to create this new pattern of interaction. Being clear about your intentions and expectations is a great practice in transparency. In the long run, we’re much more likely to get our needs met when we own them and articulate them from the start.

(Originially posted as part of the Love & Sex Blog for Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Therapist, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist

Love Campus Tour - SDSU - Free!

FREE EVENT - Oct. 9, 2012, San Diego State University

I will be speaking about Keys to Erotic Play (including toys) and my friend and colleague, Jill McDevitt, will speak about safer sex and orgasm! Love Campus is a new organization teaching college students how to become sex toy consultants.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist, Sociologist

Animal Attraction for Halloween 2012

Animal costumes are always popular attire at Halloween, both for kids and adults. An interesting thing happens, though, in the transition from children’s costume to adult costume – the attire often becomes sexy. While this is often to get attention, once you learn these fascinating (and scary!) sex facts about animals, the shift from cute cat to sexy kitty makes sense in a whole new way.

Speaking of sexy kitties, did you know that when a male cat penetrates a female cat, he bites into the back of her neck? The female is further held in place by his penis, which becomes lodged inside her with its horny barbs. This will ensure ejaculation, but there’s also speculation that the “rough play” may initiate her ovulation. Ouch!

But “bee” glad you’re not the poor male drone bee. When he mates with the Queen Bee, his genitals are ripped off after orgasm, leaving him to die within hours. Or how about the male red-back spider? After copulating with a female red-back spider, he selflessly somersaults into her mouth to become her post-coital meal. Those males make the ultimate sacrifice for their offspring!

Lest you think all animal sex facts are painful, let’s switch gears to the humorous. In a creative attempt to encourage panda mating in captivity, Chinese zookeepers got film of other pandas having sex and played this panda porn for their panda bears. Did this aphrodisiac work? Yes! However, it’s unknown whether their increased passion was from the visual or auditory cues.

This final animal sex fact about the male anglerfish is perfectly ghastly in the spirit of Halloween. The male anglerfish is tiny compared to his female counterpart, and reproduces by attaching his teeth to the female’s side. Over time, his face becomes absorbed into the female’s body, until he eventually becomes just a reproductive appendage. Talk about attachment issues!

So this Halloween, consider the animal kingdom as a source of inspiration. If you’re taking a classic animal costume and imbuing it with sexy vibes, read up on the sexual predilections of your chosen animal. Then add an air of credibility to your choice to sexualize the animal, by including an unexpected detail (such as a hacksaw for a Queen Bee!). Impress your friends, because whether sexy or scary, animals really know how to get it on.

(Published in the October, 2012, issue of Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Therapist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

50 Shades of...Condoms, Butt Plugs, & Periods?!

Are there safer sex messages in the hit trilogy "50 Shades of Grey"? With so much controversy around the books, let's look at a few messages around condoms and appreciation of women's bodies.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

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