Sex Life for Busy Moms - Dr. Jenn on Ch. 6 San Diego Living

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It's OK that sex for many couples is different after having kids. Accept that things have changed, such as your body, free time, priorities, etc., and get creative in how you can prioritize intimacy time. If one person really misses the sex, then this is a concern for both partners. I discuss this topic on San Diego Living and offer some ideas to make small but important shifts.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

Why so many Sperm?

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How many sperm do men have in an average ejaculate? Why are there SOOO many?! Learn some interesting facts about sperm to impress your friends.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

What can Women do about Beauty & Aging?

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Should women fight the aging process and cling to youth, so that they can feel and be perceived as sexy and attractive? I was interviewed on Channel 6's San Diego Living this morning about an Allure Magazine research study that just came out about beauty, aging, gender, and sex. My first thought is to question the source, since Allure Magazine is a "woman's magazine," which are notorious for emphasizing ideal physical appearance and youth for women. They did hire a marketing research company, but I'd like to get my hands on the survey and see how some of the questions were phrased. Nonetheless, we discuss this on the morning show, and how shifting perspective is the only way women can get off the beauty hamster wheel.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

What is a "Rape Culture"?

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http://youthvector.com/celebrating-womens-day-5rape-culture-and-popular-media/You might have heard the term "rape culture" more than usual recently, in light of the conviction of the two high school football players in Steubenville, OH. These two young men were found guilty of raping a young, passed out woman at a party. There was ample social media evidence (including video, texts, and a photo) to show how there were many bystanders as they raped her and how some of the group of men then mocked the girl and the situation.

What is "rape culture" and how is that term relevant here? Rape culture is a term to describe prevailing social norms around gender, sex, and communication that faciliate an implicit acceptance of sexual assault humor and rape circumstances. In a rape culture, sexual coersion is a normalized part of sexual interaction. While this might sound extreme to some people, consider these excerpts from Lauren Nelson in her "So You're Tired of Hearing about 'Rape Culture'" essay:

"Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, no one says, “Stop.”

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, they can’t get anyone to come forward.

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and adults are informed of it, but no consequences are doled out because the boys “said nothing happened.”

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and we later find out that their coaches were “joking about it” and “took care of it.” 

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and even though there is documentation of the coaching staff sweeping it under the rug, they get to keep their jobs.

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and one of the coaches involved in the cover-up threatens a reporter - saying, “You’re going to get yours. And if you don’t get yours, somebody close to you will.” – but the town is more worried about keeping their coaching talent than his integrity.

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, but because it happens at a party where both sexes were drinking, complete strangers on the internet argue ferociously that she is to blame for being attacked."

It's hard to ignore when you consider these facts. Being in a rape culture does not mean that as a society we publicly or overtly condone rape. But it does mean that we have a lot of backwards views on gender roles, the importance of athletics, personal responsibiliy, group mentality, sexual interactions, and sex education. We have a lot of shame around sex as a society, which I think is an important underlying component of our inability to think outside the box in difficult situations like Steubenville. Many would rather blame a victim instead of sitting with the discomfort of owning the state of affairs around sex...and then taking a stand to do something different.

If you're a parent out there who is not sure how to talk to your sons about these topics, so that they grow up to be respectful teenagers and men, and know that they have a voice in such situations, read this powerful letter from a mom to her sons.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality/Gender/Mindfulness Speaker

On Mormonism, Mindfulness, & Sex

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At last year's AASECT conference (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, & Therapists) I had the pleasure of sitting next to Natasha Helfer Parker at dinner one evening. She is a sex therapist and works specifically with those in the Mormon faith in Wichita, Kansas. She later interviewed me for her podcast show about one of my favorite topics: mindfulness and sex. We discussed how this compliments and contradicts aspects of Mormon beliefs. In my private practice I work with individuals of many religious backgrounds, and I have always believed that the practice of mindfulness is compatible with all faiths. This was the first time that it was brought to my attention that the nonjudmental and acceptance components of mindfulness might conflict with some of the beliefs in the LDS faith.

Listen to the discussion on Mormon Mental Health.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Sexuality & Mindfulness Speaker, Sexologist