Why it Takes More Than Viagra

Last week I attended the annual AASECT conference (sexuality conference) in Miami, FL, and sat in on a two-hour workshop about sexual pharmacology. Did you know that the majority of viagra prescriptions are not refilled? I knew viagra-type medications did not work well for addressing women's desire and arousal, but didn't realize that perhaps many men were not satisfied as well.

It seems that some men pop a viagra and think that the added blood flow to their genitals will immediately take care of all their desire and arousal concerns. But without an emotional connection with their partner, or mental arousal, or some physical touching, it might not help. Sexuality is a full body experience.

The speakers shared an example of a man taking a viagra and then sitting down to play cards with his wife. He and his wife would occasionally peak under the table to see if something was happening. Unless they were playing strip poker, I don't think this qualifies as foreplay for most folks. And, as a side note, apparently viagra shouldn't be taken after a heavy meal, because its effectiveness is reduced. But think about that - who feels sexy after a heavy meal anyway?

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

Sex Life for Busy Moms - Dr. Jenn on Ch. 6 San Diego Living

It's OK that sex for many couples is different after having kids. Accept that things have changed, such as your body, free time, priorities, etc., and get creative in how you can prioritize intimacy time. If one person really misses the sex, then this is a concern for both partners. I discuss this topic on San Diego Living and offer some ideas to make small but important shifts.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

Cool Site for Sexy Advice - GetLusty Giveaway

GetLusty’s Valentine Giveaway!

I attended a sex conference last September in Long Beach, CA. While hanging out by the food and drink table (my usual location) at a private party, and desperately trying to find a mixer for my whiskey on the rocks, I met Erica Grigg, the founder of the GetLusty for Couples website. She shared her vision of a website that served as a hub for useful information and skill-building around spicing up marriages, building stronger relationships, and improving intimacy lives overall. Shortly after the conference I became one of their contributing sexperts.

For Valentine's Day, they're offering a chance to win on their newly redesigned website. Read more about their free site below, and sign up to get access to all they have to offer! Sign up here with a chance to win one of 20 VIP memberships and 30 Exclusive GetLusty memberships. 

GetLusty is a site with over 700 articles, including advice from world-renowned sexperts. Couples-friendly, ethical and eco-minded businesses are added daily to our site. There are special deals and discounts to all members from these sex positive businesses. Exclusive and VIP members get even more access to articles and bigger deals and discounts for sexy and romantic products.

GetLusty is committed to sex positive information for couples. We feature advice and inspiration for every preference, orientation, fetish and interest. Our newly launched site is unique in its field. We even have games you can play with you lover to earn points toward more access to articles and discounts. Who knew monogamy could be this fun? Check out GetLusty here!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist, Sexologist

Dos and Don'ts of Sexual Philanthropy

Can you give too much during sex? I was asked to write about "giving in the bedroom" for the Philanthropy Issue of Pacific San Diego Magazine this August 2012. You might be surprised to read that a give, give, give approach isn't always the best.

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

A Surprising Answer to Sex Problems: Mindfulness for Sex Therapy and Sex Coaching

Boring sex? Pain during intercourse? Distracted in bed? Sex addiction? No desire to get it on? Is it possible that all these sexual concerns and sex problems could have the same remedy? Yes, and that remedy is the ancient Buddhist practice of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is an awareness skill of being present in the moment, with your thoughts, emotions, and sensations. It is noticing the present moment and – here’s the kicker – not judging what you notice. The health benefits of mindfulness are profound: stress reduction, decline in anxiety, depression relapse prevention, overcoming addiction, and reducing chronic pain, not to mention greater happiness and fulfillment in life.

Researchers are also delving into the sexual realm to see how mindfulness can improve sex lives. Although little research has been done so far, it seems to be beneficial for women with low desire, vulva pain, and emotional distress from past sexual trauma. There is anecdotal evidence that it is valuable for sex “addiction,” erectile dysfunctions, and boredom.

I’ve been integrating mindfulness-based practices into my sex coaching and couples intimacy work for several years because I think it’s the foundation for all personal growth, and some sex therapists use it as well. Do you freak out with jealousy if your boyfriend receives a text from another woman? Mindfulness can help break that automatic pattern. Are you distracted during sex by your perception of your bulging belly or your long chore list to to-do items? Mindfulness skills keep you grounded in the moment and release such mind chatter. Integrating little daily practices of mindfulness can make these big brain changes.

I have mindfulness on my brain more than usual this week, because I just went to a sex conference this weekend. Its not as sexually titillating as it may sound, but it will be intellectually titillating. At this 2012 annual conference for AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, & Therapists) in Austin, TX, I will be speaking on “Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Body: Improving Sex Lives Through Mindfulness.” My take home message for the audience? Mindfulness is the new sexy.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Marriage Coach, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

(This was originally posted as part of Pacific San Diego Magazine's sex & love blog series.)

Blow Jobs - Advice from a Gay Man to Straight Women

Get advice on the best ways to give a blow job to a man, from a gay man who knows the penis. Dr. Jenn also discusses the growing market in breast milk.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker