ANTIVIEW: What I'm NOT as a Sex Expert

I was recently interviewed by ANTIVIEW, a site that brings creativity and challenge back to journalism and interviewing. The questions were the opposite of what I'm used to, e.g., What am I not? How doesn't someone become a sex expert? I have included the first portion of the interview below, but please click on the link to go to the ANTIVIEW site to read the rest!

WHAT ARE YOU NOT?

I do not sleep with my clients or watch them have sex.

I am not a psychologist or a marriage and family therapist.

I do not have orgies on the weekends (although I’m not opposed to the idea!).

I’m not ungrounded or “woo-woo,” although I do take a holistic approach to my work.

I am not a man-hater, although I identify with feminism, and I do not take sides in my counseling work.

I do not make people feel bad about being sexual under their own terms and by their own definitions.

There are a lot of assumptions about my kind of work, so it’s fun to be able to articulate, off the bat, what I am not!

Read the rest of the article at ANTIVIEW.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Sexologist, Sex Expert, Sociologist

TEDxWomen in San Diego!

I am thrilled and honored to be attending my first TEDx function, as well as speaking at the event! I love the TED mission of "ideas worth spreading," and I take that seriously as I'm preparing my presentation about Sex: Mind Full or Mindful?

TEDxWomen is a TEDx event organized by the Paley Center for Media that focuses on women and women’s issues. TEDxWomen events are TEDx events hosted around the live webcast of TEDxWomen and feature local speakers, while being part of a global community of women. The theme for this event is "The Space Between."

To read about the speakers or purchase your tickets, vist TEDxWomen America's Finest City. As a friend of mine, you can receive a "friends & family" 10% discount by using "tedfriends" as your promo code.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist, Sexologist

What is Pegging?

What is pegging? And how does it involve women, men, dildos, lube, pleasure and power?

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sex Coach, Sociologist, and Sexuality Speaker

Tell Your Partner Who ELSE You are Attracted To

http://quarterlifeprocess.com/attraction-101“You know, I thought that the person who waited on us at the restaurant last night was hot and I noticed I was attracted to them.”

How would you feel if your significant other said this to you? Would you feel insecure about yourself and freak out with jealousy? That is the likely response for many people.

We generally believe that it is not appropriate to talk with our current partner about how attracted we are to someone else. We learn that jealousy is the appropriate and justified response, since we have the romantic notion that our partner should never notice anyone else. If they do, our insecurities kick in, and we assume it means that we are not lovable enough, special enough, or good enough, and our partner might leave us. While this interpretation makes sense, it is not the only interpretation available.

It is natural to notice people you perceive as attractive, whether you are in a committed relationship or not.  Pretending that it doesn’t happen does not make those thoughts go away. I think it is important to keep the doors of communication open around topics like this. Otherwise, when natural occurrences like this become shameful or judged, they can become more powerful. What we resist, persists.

I am not suggesting that you should share every libidinous thought with your partner. It could be difficult and downright overwhelming to hear continual commentary about who arouses your partner. I think that tact is important in building comfort in sharing around potentially sensitive topics. It is also important to learn that when your partner finds someone else attractive, it is not a reflection on you.

Why am I even recommending this at all? Because I believe people would be less likely to cheat if they established a foundation of openness and trust in the beginning of their relationship by sharing such topics. When we admit that we feel attraction to others, share this with our partner, and then choose to remain committed in our partnership, it creates a bond of trust and honesty that can bring couples emotionally closer in the long run.

(This was originally posted as the Sex & Relationship Blog for Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist, Sociologist

Have a Beer with your Fear

(This was originally posted on October 31, 2012, as the Sex & Relationships Blog for Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

http://www.zazzle.com/trick_or_beer_funny_halloween_tshirt_mug-168835565549837282It’s Halloween, so why not have a beer with your fear? I don’t mean to say you should use alcohol to ecape your fears. But I do suggest you sit down with your fear like you would an old friend, and really listen to it.

We usually run from our fears through distraction, numbing, or reacting with anger to feel more powerful. We do anything we can to not feel the fear, regardless of whether the feelings come from a fear of pain, loss, humiliation, being unlovable, not smart enough, not man enough, not pretty enough, etc. Until we learn how to sit down with our fears and accept them for being there, like we would a friend, we continue to allow them to wreak havoc in the background. While it might not seem important in the background, this means our fears will influence our reactions, decisions, and ability to relate to others. Pretending that they are not there only makes this dynamic stronger and out of our control.

How can you break this pattern? By doing the opposite of what you want to do. When you want to escape or distract from an uncomfortable fear, choose to stay with the feelings and bodily sensations. Notice them, label them, breathe into them. Befriend your fears by accepting them for exactly as they are. Once you’ve sat and had a few beers with them, they aren’t so scary anymore. Cheers!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Vulva Talk: Mulva for Obama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s9_bDr9-QI&feature=youtu.beVulva Talk! Mulva the Vulva is pleading for your protection this election. Don't let her down!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist