10 Things You Didn't Know about Orgasm - TED Talk with Mary Roach

This is funny. Really, really funny. Sometimes speakers make even topics like sex sound boring, but Mary Roach, with her quirky sense of humor and nerdy appreciation of science, is a perfect person to pitch this tent, so to speak. From history, to research, to animals, you don't want to miss #7 about how pig farmers help female pigs sexually enjoy artificial insemination!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist

Loving Kindness Meditation - Free Guided Visualization by Dr. Jenn to Open Your Heart

Do you live with an open heart or a protected heart? If you've been emotionally hurt before, it makes sense to want to protect yourself from future hurt. This may be a good short term strategy, but in the long run your life will be devoid of the deep connections and intimacy you desire.

A wonderful practice to cultivate a loving and kind approach to yourself and others, is the Loving Kindness Meditation. I recorded an 8-minute guided meditation to assist you in opening your heart. This is also a powerful practice in mindfulness. Read more and listen to the free audio file here: Loving Kindness Meditation with Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sexuality & Mindfulness Speaker, Sociologist

Easy Sex Tips to Try Now...on Wake Up San Diego (Ch. 6)

Forget the complicated Kama Sutra that justs sits on your shelf and overwhelms you! Here are some simple tips you can do right away and continually to keep you more intimately connected to your partner. We focused more on fun than educational content in this piece, but hopefully you can laugh along with us :)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Compassion It! The new social movement you'll want to join

Does it matter to you if you’re a good person? If so, you’ve probably noticed how good it feels to cultivate such compassion. Nonetheless, in our me-centered society, I think folks struggle with understanding what compassion means in their interactions with others and with themselves. If you’d like to increase the role of compassion in your life, I have a handy suggestion below!

First, what exactly are we talking about here…what's a good definition of compassion? I like this definition of compassion from free dictionary: “Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.” So it’s not sympathy, nor pity. It’s empathy and wanting to be of service. Self-compassion is a bit trickier to define. Consider your inner thoughts and how they become focused at times on your perceived failures or flaws. Self-compassion is making a choice to give yourself a break, accept you’re human, and focus on positive feelings towards yourself. Whether towards yourself or others, choosing compassion is a gift to the world.

Would you like to be more compassionate? Check out the bracelet reminder in the photo here. Start your day with your bracelet turned to the dark side. When you specifically do a compassionate act that day, you flip your bracelet to the white side. This is designed to raise awareness around being more compassionate to others. But with the amount of mental berating I see with my clients and friends, I think using it for self-compassion may be important too. The creators of Compassion It thought of that too, and there is now a red/white version of the bracelet specifically as a reminder for self-compassion!

I started wearing my Compassion It bracelet about three weeks ago (and by the way, if you haven’t said “Compassion It” out loud yet, you might not get how clever that name is!). I like to think of myself as a kind, caring person as I move through my day, from clients to loved ones. However, I found it harder than expected to find an opportunity to go out of my way or do something I wouldn’t normally do. This little bracelet has already changed the way I move through my day, and how I can stretch my awareness to be empathetic and kind in new ways. Imagine if everyone took this on?

The cool thing too is that when you purchase a bracelet, it comes with a second one. The intention is that your first compassionate act is already built in when you gift your second bracelet to someone else. Clever! Actually, I think everything about Compassion It is damn clever, and I’m excited that the founder, compassion teacher Sara Schairer, lives here in San Diego. We’re lucky to have this creative mind and teacher here. :)

For yourself, a friend, a stranger, or fundraising for your cause, you can join the social movement for compassion here:

Compassion It. Website

Compassion It. Facebook

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality & Mindfulness Speaker

How to Flirt Through Texts...and How NOT To (On Channel 6 News)

Flirting through texting is a good thing - seriously. I don't think that technology today is interfering with all real communication, and flirting is a good example of something that can be facilitated and potentially enhanced through the media of texting. I spoke about the Dos and Don'ts of flirting through texting today, specifically for folks who are over 40 years old, on Channel 6's Wake Up San Diego. Check out the video posted below, and I've included some other thoughts below I didn't have time to articulate on the news.

I see 3 different categories of flirting through texting: Playful/teasing, romantic, and sexual. The playful version is like the teasing we did as teenagers by our lockers in high school (or was that just me?). For example, if your object of interest is reading poetry, make a cute jab about them "being a brooding poet," and include a winking emoticon so they know you're kidding. I just watched a young woman and man do this type of teasing bantering in a cafe recently. It was ridiculously transparent to the point of annoyance (to me, at least). But doing through texting, where no one else has to witness, is a good idea!

The romantic version of flirting through texting can be incredibly sweet, and the type of texts that girlfriends swoon over and share with friends. This is your chance to offer a genuine compliment - a funny memory from a recent date, a feature you love about them, or even a quote that expresses how your feel. Also, remembering to ask about something important about their day, such as a big meeting or their child's doctor appointment, can feel very nurturing on the receiving end.

And finally - sexting! This definitely gets the most attention and needs to be done with care. Two "don'ts" off the bat: Don't send naked photos and don't text late at night when drunk. I hear about frequent regrets in these areas. But DO plant the seeds for sexual banter, such as "I just got out of the shower," and let the intensity slowly build.

Don't use texting for long conversations better left to phone or email, but also don't write really short responses if you're interested in the other person and they are writing in more depth. In addition, if most of your relationship is unfolding via text and not in person, your date may not be willing to commit and you might want to move on. Do YOU have any flirting through texting lessons you learned the hard way?

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego, Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

4 Rules to Avoid a Mid-Life Crisis

Jokes about fast cars and busty women aside, a midlife crisis can be a very real thing for many men and women. The cause of said “crisis” is the realization that life isn’t going the way you expected. You worked hard and followed the rules, yet you feel unsatisfied, disconnected, and unhappy. Here are 4 rules to get you back on track, or avoid the crisis in the first place:

Rule 1. Don’t follow the rules. I say this tongue in cheek, as this blog posting is about following rules! What I mean is to follow new rules that don’t involve “shoulds.” You should be married by a certain age. You should have children. You should live in a certain neighborhood. You should sacrifice all your needs for your children. You should stay at a job you hate because at least you have a job. While some of these “shoulds” may be important to you, ask yourself where you learned them and then question whether they are attached to your personal purpose and mission in life. While you don’t want to dismiss your existing commitments in one fell swoop, you can start taking little steps to make your own rules so you can design your life, instead of your life designing you.

Rule 2. Find your passions. Explore what you’re passionate about, and in particular something that lights you up and involves helping others. Many people feel passionate about activities like golf, video games, or shopping, but I’m encouraging you to find passions that have an altruistic bent to them. Research shows that the benefits of activities that bring pleasure to us while helping others, versus purely hedonist pleasure for ourselves, last longer. If you connect this built in feel-good wiring with something that you are also passionate about, you have a recipe for deeper fulfillment and satisfaction.

Mindfulness BellRule 3. Practice mindfulness. Cultivating regular mindfulness practices helps you stay in touch with what really makes you happy, content, and satisfied, versus what you think “should” make you happy. Developing mindfulness helps you stay present in the moment, even if that present moment involves uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, or sensations. When you learn to stay present, instead of running, distracting, or numbing yourself, you can access authenticity and vulnerability. These are paramount to deeply knowing yourself and knowing others.

Rule 4. Cultivate gratitude. The science of happiness repeatedly points to the importance of gratitude and appreciation as a key to happiness. It may seem counterintuitive to appreciate what you have, when you’re feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. But gratitude is foundational to building your optimism, which then leads to greater creativity, connection, and resilience. An attitude of gratitude will also help you identify what is working for you in life, and help you focus on cultivating more of that.

A mid-life crisis is not inevitable. If you’re in crisis it is likely because you let your life go on automatic pilot. The above 4 rules help you take the reins of your life and be responsible for your choices and path. Enjoy the ride—it is the only one you’ve got.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego -- Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker