Lack of Experience = Happier Marriage??

Does lack of experience in relationships prior to marriage make you more blissful in your marriage? How about having more people in attendance at your wedding? Research shows that these might make for a happier marriage. I discuss some recent research by the National Marriage Project with Marc Bailey on San Diego Living, Channel 6.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Reflect on and Celebrate 2013...and Plan for 2014

This week is a perfect time to reflect on the past year and start planning for 2014. You can specifically do this in the realms of sex, intimacy, and relationships. Below is part of an End of the Year newsletter that may assist in your celebrations and intentions. Click here to view the entire newsletter.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego -- Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist

Questions for Erotic Intelligence

Your erotic intelligence is your knowledge, wisdom, and comfort in the erotic arena. I offer 5 questions to get you started in developing erotic intelligence between you and your partner.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist, Sex Therapist

ANTIVIEW: What I'm NOT as a Sex Expert

I was recently interviewed by ANTIVIEW, a site that brings creativity and challenge back to journalism and interviewing. The questions were the opposite of what I'm used to, e.g, What am I not? How doesn't someone become a sex expert? I have included the first portion of the interview below, but please click on the link to go to the ANTIVIEW site to read the rest!

WHAT ARE YOU NOT?

I do not sleep with my clients or watch them have sex.

I am not a psychologist or a marriage and family therapist.

I do not have orgies on the weekends (although I’m not opposed to the idea!).

I’m not ungrounded or “woo-woo,” although I do take a holistic approach to my work.

I am not a man-hater, although I identify with feminism, and I do not take sides in my counseling work.

I do not make people feel bad about being sexual under their own terms and by their own definitions.

There are a lot of assumptions about my kind of work, so it’s fun to be able to articulate, off the bat, what I am not!

Read the rest of the article at ANTIVIEW.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Sexologist, Sex Expert, Sociologist

Dos and Don'ts of Sexual Philanthropy

Can you give too much during sex? I was asked to write about "giving in the bedroom" for the Philanthropy Issue of Pacific San Diego Magazine this August 2012. You might be surprised to read that a give, give, give approach isn't always the best.

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Are We All Sexually Dysfunctional?

At the recent sexuality conference I attended, my friend and colleague Gina Odgen spoke about her “ISIS Wheel.” ISIS is an acronym for “integrating sexuality and spirituality.” Gina is a sex therapist, author, and shaman, and her ISIS Wheel is a like a medicine wheel and a compass, applied to sexual experience and satisfaction. Above is an image of the ISIS Wheel.

Visualize yourself standing before a life-sized ISIS Wheel. Now reflect on your sexual experiences and sexuality and consider how you like to enter these experiences. Is it through the “body” realm and pleasurable sensations, such as heightened body awareness, the sounds of your partner’s arousal, or orgasm? Think back to the first time you had sex. Perhaps there was a “mind” component motivating you, such as curiosity or expectation. The “heart” component, about emotions, is strong for many and varies from the extremes of love and trust, to guilt and fear. For some, the “spirit” path is most motivating, when they exchange sexual energies and deep connection with their partner.

The foundation for Gina’s ISIS Wheel is sexual health, not sexual dysfunction. This means that despite any concerns people have in their sex lives, it is all just part of their sexual story that can be mapped and explored through the wheel. Framing sexual concerns as stories instead of dysfunction gives individuals and couples more freedom to explore the complexity of their sexual experiences, without judgment. Clearly, sex through the lens of the ISIS framework is about a lot more than physical release or performance.

The “ISIS connection” is when all four aspects of the wheel meet in the center. However, any experience is just as valid as the next. When we view a sexual “problem” as part of a sexual story and journey, it makes it a lot easier to address it head on, in all its layers of complexity. I suggest taking this wheel for a spin to learn more about you and your partner!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sex Speaker, College Sexual Health Speaker