Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
It can be easy to get in a rut when showing your love and affection to your partner. I offer suggestions around building sensuality, expressing appreciation, creating sexy time, and filling your partner's love bucket. Softcup Menstrual Cup company brought me in to be their expert for their February Month of Love - fun folks there, doing good work!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sex Speaker
Sex is fun…and complicated! While there are a lot of biological components of sexuality, there are also a lot of social, mental and emotional aspects. These often get in the way of enjoying the pleasures of our bodies and the potential for deep connections with others. As a Relationship and Intimacy Counselor, I receive many questions from women about their sex lives; below are five of the most common questions I receive.
1. Am I normal? Is what we’re doing normal?
These questions come from a fear of being judged or not feeling good enough. There may be sexual statistical averages around activities and frequency and tastes, but what really matters is what you like and don’t like, and the same for your partner. You could be perfectly “average” and “normal,” but still have a miserable sex life! Each individual and couple needs to create their own “normal” based on their preferences, needs and desires.
2. Why don’t I feel desire any more? How can I feel passion again?
It is really common for women in long-term relationships to lose their desire. Desire is a tricky thing that we tend to take for granted in the early stages of a relationship. But once those neurochemicals wear off, most women and couples don’t know what to do. The first step is to redefine desire from something that happens to you, to something that you can cultivate. What primes your pump? By this I mean, what can your partner do that helps you feel open to being sexual? Is it doing the dishes for you, massaging your shoulders, or having an eye-to-eye conversation? Focus on what makes you feel loved and nurtured and also makes your partner seem appealing. The second thing you can do is to take responsibility for your own desire. What puts you in the mood, such as reading erotica, fantasizing, or touching yourself? Do these things regularly to kick-start your libido.
3. How can I request my sexual needs without feeling embarrassed?
Read the rest of this blog that I wrote for the Softcup Blog HERE.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist
Last Friday I got to be on KUSI News and Good Morning San Diego for the first time, talking about ways to focus on your relationships and sex life in the new year. The morning producer brought up a good point - resolutions and intentions tend to focus on our individual needs...but what about focusing on improving our primary relationship?
I suggest a three-step process:
1) What's not working in your relationship and sex life? Write this down and get clear on it. What is your role in this?
2)What is your vision of a happy, satisfied, and connected relationship? Be clear on what direction you're headed.
3) At the start of every month this year, choose one thing to focus on that prioritizes improving what's listed under #1 and moves you in the direction of #2.
I discuss why scheduling is so important, offer ideas to prioritize at the start of each month, and I also give a suggestion to folks who are single and a bit jaded with the dating experience.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexual Health Speaker
We already know that dancing is a physical and sensual experience, alone or with a partner. But how can it assist in deepening the intimacy in your relationship? And for you folks who say "hell, no!" when your partner asks you to dance, consider that this attitude could be impacting the health of your sex life! This segment on San Diego Living was inspired by the local stage presentation of Dirty Dancing!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus -- San Diego Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist
A lot goes into great sex: Affection, attraction, anticipation, location, surprise, and much more. To spur your imagination, we spoke to seven women who shared their sexiest, most mind-blowing experiences, then asked experts to help us understand what you can learn from them.
"Our coworkers could have caught us in the act."
This new guy and I had been casually flirting on the job for a couple of weeks. We worked at a photo studio that shot models and clothes and lifestyle products. One of my chores was to manage the product closet. One day I was inside cataloging when my crush came by to chat. We started joking around ... and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. The closet connected to a conference room, so I quickly shut the door. It wasn't too long before our clothes started hitting the floor. He'd just peeled off my panties when I heard voices. We froze. My boss had come into the conference room with some coworkers, apparently for a meeting. The guy stared at me. I stared back. Trapped! So why not? We picked up where we left off. The thrill was insane: a new guy, a crazy new experience, the risk of discovery. Even better was trying to be quiet. When I was about to climax, he gave me his shirt to bite down on. It smelled like his cologne, and my orgasm was seismic.
—ANGELA, 32
WHY IT WORKED
The fear of being caught sends a gusher of adrenaline and endorphins through your system, heightening the passion, says Jenn Gunsaullus, Ph.D., a sociologist and intimacy counselor in San Diego. But there's a subtler kick too: Fooling around in secret makes you both feel that you're sharing a special bond—and that connection can linger after the act.
Click here to read the rest of this Men's Health Magazine article by Jennifer Miller.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist, & Sex Counselor
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist
Does the thought of donning a wig and feather boa in the bedroom sound silly, sexy, or somewhere in between? Since we're in the Halloween spirit, this morning on San Diego Living I discussed how costumes and props can be used all year long to turn a stale, serious, or predictable sex life into one that oozes fun, surprise, permission, and creativity.
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
