Singles Awareness Day - February 15

Is Singles Awareness Day just a silly day, to make fun of Valentine's Day and its emphasis on coupledom? Or is it a legitimate reason to celebrate being single and help folks feel better the day after Valentine's Day? I'm guessing that it started as a joke (this day's acronym is S.A.D., afterall), but I think there's actually a lot of value in recognizing this topic.

We learn to put great emphasis on being in a relationship, and that this form of expression completes us. While relationships can be amazing, the good ones take a lot of work and perseverence, and sometimes bring out the worst in us. If you notice that you're feeling down because you wish you had a significant other, take a bit of time to feel that sadness, but don't get stuck in the wallowing. Don't overlook the benefits of being single. Make sure you are prioritizing taking care of yourself, something that is often easier to do when single. Being single is a great opportunity to focus on your purpose and mission in life, your personal growth, and what personally lights you up.

For example, on a day like Singles Awareness Day, or ANY day that you want to take care of yourself, create opportunities to learn new things, challenge yourself, surround yourself with friends, and just have fun. For example, take an art class that has always interested you, join an adult sports league, take a language class, or invite a few friends over for a wine or beer tasting. These are ways to feel like you're in control of your life, while doing something you enjoy and sharing time with others. Also, write a love letter to yourself, describing all your strengths and what you appreciate about you. Treat yourself in a romantic way, just like you would someone else. I have no doubt you deserve it.

The bottom line? Don't wait for things to happen - make something happen! And appreciate every stage and step in life.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sex Coach, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker

Sex During the Holidays & Vibrantly You

Why are sex and intimacy during the holidays important and helpful? And how can you make it a priority? I was interviewed along with Dr. Diana Hoppe, my colleague who is the founder of the Vibrantly You: Women's Wellbeing Symposium, on San Diego Living today. Dr. Diana shares research on how sex is actually healthy for us, I offer tips for how to bring intimacy into the holiday season, and we discuss the Vibrantly You Symposium on January 18, 2013.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sex Coach, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist

ANTIVIEW: What I'm NOT as a Sex Expert

I was recently interviewed by ANTIVIEW, a site that brings creativity and challenge back to journalism and interviewing. The questions were the opposite of what I'm used to, e.g., What am I not? How doesn't someone become a sex expert? I have included the first portion of the interview below, but please click on the link to go to the ANTIVIEW site to read the rest!

WHAT ARE YOU NOT?

I do not sleep with my clients or watch them have sex.

I am not a psychologist or a marriage and family therapist.

I do not have orgies on the weekends (although I’m not opposed to the idea!).

I’m not ungrounded or “woo-woo,” although I do take a holistic approach to my work.

I am not a man-hater, although I identify with feminism, and I do not take sides in my counseling work.

I do not make people feel bad about being sexual under their own terms and by their own definitions.

There are a lot of assumptions about my kind of work, so it’s fun to be able to articulate, off the bat, what I am not!

Read the rest of the article at ANTIVIEW.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Sexologist, Sex Expert, Sociologist

Animal Attraction for Halloween 2012

Animal costumes are always popular attire at Halloween, both for kids and adults. An interesting thing happens, though, in the transition from children’s costume to adult costume – the attire often becomes sexy. While this is often to get attention, once you learn these fascinating (and scary!) sex facts about animals, the shift from cute cat to sexy kitty makes sense in a whole new way.

Speaking of sexy kitties, did you know that when a male cat penetrates a female cat, he bites into the back of her neck? The female is further held in place by his penis, which becomes lodged inside her with its horny barbs. This will ensure ejaculation, but there’s also speculation that the “rough play” may initiate her ovulation. Ouch!

But “bee” glad you’re not the poor male drone bee. When he mates with the Queen Bee, his genitals are ripped off after orgasm, leaving him to die within hours. Or how about the male red-back spider? After copulating with a female red-back spider, he selflessly somersaults into her mouth to become her post-coital meal. Those males make the ultimate sacrifice for their offspring!

Lest you think all animal sex facts are painful, let’s switch gears to the humorous. In a creative attempt to encourage panda mating in captivity, Chinese zookeepers got film of other pandas having sex and played this panda porn for their panda bears. Did this aphrodisiac work? Yes! However, it’s unknown whether their increased passion was from the visual or auditory cues.

This final animal sex fact about the male anglerfish is perfectly ghastly in the spirit of Halloween. The male anglerfish is tiny compared to his female counterpart, and reproduces by attaching his teeth to the female’s side. Over time, his face becomes absorbed into the female’s body, until he eventually becomes just a reproductive appendage. Talk about attachment issues!

So this Halloween, consider the animal kingdom as a source of inspiration. If you’re taking a classic animal costume and imbuing it with sexy vibes, read up on the sexual predilections of your chosen animal. Then add an air of credibility to your choice to sexualize the animal, by including an unexpected detail (such as a hacksaw for a Queen Bee!). Impress your friends, because whether sexy or scary, animals really know how to get it on.

(Published in the October, 2012, issue of Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Therapist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

Dear Dr. Jenn - Anatomy Lesson for Anal Play

From: http://www.cavemag.com/how-important-is-sex-to-a-relationship/Dear Dr. Jenn~

I think it’s hot to put a finger in a girl’s butt when we are having sex doggy style. But it doesn’t always work and sometimes she says it hurts. What can I do about this?

Thanks,

Wannabe Anal Master

Dear Anal Master,

Anal play has become more and more popular, so thanks for your great question. First, make sure your partner is interested in experimenting with anal play. If she’s not into it, she’s going to have a hell of a time relaxing, and will likely experience pain. I don’t advise trying to ‘sneak it in’ without explicitly asking permission.

If you’re both on the same page about this, then you’re embarking into a realm of heightened pleasure. A short anatomy lesson can be helpful here. To enter the anus, you have to pass through two sets of anal sphincter muscles. The first set are voluntary muscles, which is why relaxation on the woman’s part is important. She can put her attention on that external muscle area, and choose to relax those muscles. However, the second ring of muscles is a different story. These internal muscles are involuntary, which means you can’t think your way into releasing them. However, they do respond to gentle, direct pressure.

From your side, Anal Master, knowing how to navigate these muscle rings is important. Playing around the outside of the anus with a well-lubed finger can help the woman concentrate on that area and relax the first sphincter muscles. Then gently pressing on the anus for several seconds will release the second set and allow access to the inside. For some women who are tense and nervous about this, it may take more time.

Remember to start small, slow, with a lot of lubricant, particularly a thicker lube made specifically for anal play. With a little preparation, patience, and knowledge, you can definitely become the Anal Master.

Be well,

Dr. Jenn

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Sociologist, Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker

Auto Erotic

Tips for getting down and dirty in your car, from the September issue of Pacific San Diego Magazine. :)

 ~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sociologist, Sex Therapist, Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist