Get Lusty gets real about sex with Dr. Jenn

Get Lusty for Couples recently chatted with me about sex, gender, age, holistic sexuality, and bold communication. Listen to the audio podcast here and read some of the highlights below.

Highlights of Dr. Jenn's podcast interview

• What drew Dr. Jenn to the human sexuality aspect of sociology? A self-proclaimed "good girl" when she was in college, Dr. Jenn joined the Sexual Health Peer Educators to become comfortable with public speaking and her interests in sex, sexual health, and power dynamics in gender evolved from there.
• What are girls taught versus what are boys taught growing up, says Dr. Jenn, presents a problematic power dynamic for women as it puts women at a disadvantage with less freedom surrounding sexuality. Society fosters negative and shameful feelings about sexuality, when it should really be open and widely discussed!
• What are some of the biggest issues Dr. Jenn's seen for couples? In younger couples, technology and social media becomes a factor in harboring jealousy, while in older couples there's the issue of boredom and difference in desires between genders.
• To cover both the younger couple's and the older couple's problems, Dr. Jenn suggests creating new habits, like weekly check-ins to discuss intimacy and topics they're working on as a couple.
• What are the benefits to a holistic approach in talking about sexuality? There are many layers to human emotional logic, Dr. Jenn believes; delving into deeper aspects of a person's psyche allows you and others/your partner to better understand the beliefs and experiences that make you you.
• How do you learn to boldly talk about sexuality in an open way? Look at it as a homework assignment, Dr. Jenn says, and agree each week to bring one new thing to your sex life. This will create a structure to make it less awkward and uncomfortable to talk about sex.

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sexologist, Sexuality Speaker, Sociologist

Jeans 4 Justice: An Unconventional Approach to Ending Sexual Violence

Sex is hot and steamy, yet it can have a dark underbelly of pain, abuse, and violence. Dr. Jenn interviews the founder of the San Diego nonprofit Jeans 4 Justice, Jess Johnson, about her work and passion. Jeans 4 Justice takes a unique approach to ending sexual violence through: sharing stories, cultivating leaders, and empowering communities...all in order to create healthy relationships and empower social change.

THAT'S INSPIRING!
Learn about the incredible book "Half the Sky"

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Speaker, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

BIG Relationship Problems?

"Problems are only as big as we make them.”

http://collegecandy.com/author/llhubbard/page/2/A client shared this with me recently. She and her husband use this idea as a reminder to not make problems any bigger than they have to be. They choose to focus on their joys instead of their fears. Through our work on mindfulness and positive psychology, and their commitment to their marriage, they created this powerful mantra.

Pretty wise for 24-year-olds.

To develop mindfulness, I encouraged them to notice or reflect on their thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Sometimes a situation results in just a reaction without thought, and it seems you have no choice in your reaction. Mindfulness can reveal an opportunity to respond differently. I also encouraged them to end each day by sharing three gratitudes for that day with each other. In addition, if they felt sucked down by negativity during the day, they could choose to “flip the switch” to positivity, and instead shift their focus to something for which they felt appreciation.

Small shifts like these can have a big impact on a relationship. Clearly these shifts are working for this couple, as the husband recently shared:

I decided that the problems were small, and the rewards large, so I just don’t pay much attention to them anymore….Please know that you have helped guide us from a tragic situation to one of the highest levels of intimacy and satisfaction. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this giddy beyond the infatuation phase, but now I know you can feel in love every second of your life. Thank you Dr. Jenn.

They may be thanking me, but each of them is doing the hard work of retraining their brains. It’s not easy, but we have a lot more power and control over our emotional states and reactions than we realize. Sometimes it feels downright excruciating to break our automatic patterns. However, as this couple attests, through the pain of change, is the glory of intimacy.

(This was originally posted as the weekly Love & Sex Blog for Pacific San Diego Magazine.)

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Sexologist, Sexual Health Motivational Speaker

A Surprising Answer to Sex Problems: Mindfulness for Sex Therapy and Sex Coaching

Boring sex? Pain during intercourse? Distracted in bed? Sex addiction? No desire to get it on? Is it possible that all these sexual concerns and sex problems could have the same remedy? Yes, and that remedy is the ancient Buddhist practice of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is an awareness skill of being present in the moment, with your thoughts, emotions, and sensations. It is noticing the present moment and – here’s the kicker – not judging what you notice. The health benefits of mindfulness are profound: stress reduction, decline in anxiety, depression relapse prevention, overcoming addiction, and reducing chronic pain, not to mention greater happiness and fulfillment in life.

Researchers are also delving into the sexual realm to see how mindfulness can improve sex lives. Although little research has been done so far, it seems to be beneficial for women with low desire, vulva pain, and emotional distress from past sexual trauma. There is anecdotal evidence that it is valuable for sex “addiction,” erectile dysfunctions, and boredom.

I’ve been integrating mindfulness-based practices into my sex coaching and couples intimacy work for several years because I think it’s the foundation for all personal growth, and some sex therapists use it as well. Do you freak out with jealousy if your boyfriend receives a text from another woman? Mindfulness can help break that automatic pattern. Are you distracted during sex by your perception of your bulging belly or your long chore list to to-do items? Mindfulness skills keep you grounded in the moment and release such mind chatter. Integrating little daily practices of mindfulness can make these big brain changes.

I have mindfulness on my brain more than usual this week, because I just went to a sex conference this weekend. Its not as sexually titillating as it may sound, but it will be intellectually titillating. At this 2012 annual conference for AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, & Therapists) in Austin, TX, I will be speaking on “Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Body: Improving Sex Lives Through Mindfulness.” My take home message for the audience? Mindfulness is the new sexy.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Coach, Marriage Coach, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

(This was originally posted as part of Pacific San Diego Magazine's sex & love blog series.)

Meditative Masturbation for Women

Vulva CandleThis isn't the first time I'm talking about the topic of Meditative Masturbation. Why? Because masturbation is still so taboo for women! It's unfortuate that an empowering, pleasurable, sensual, and PERSONAL activity such as masturbation is demonized just because it's about sexuality. Merging self-touching with the components of meditation and mindfulness is helpful in breaking through this discomfort and creating a pleasant experience. 

I created an audio file in mp3 format called, Meditative Masturbation for Women. This is a 10 minute guidance through your 5 senses and body exploration, based in relaxation, mindfulness, and comfort. If you'd like to reclaim (or claim for the first time!) you're ability to relax into masturbation, check it out! A donation of only $1.99 is requested: get mp3 here.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker

Break Through Your Sexual Blocks

What can you do to get past your sexual blocks? Those things that are keeping you from enjoying sex, connecting deeply with others, and embracing intimacy?

I was recently interviewed by Michael Peak, of the Magicial Breakthroughs blogtalkradio program, about my advice around sexuality, and my views on topics from pornography, to holistic sexuality, to creativity. Michael begins with a brief hypnotherapy session to help reduce your sexual blocks, and around 8 minutes in, he starts interviewing me about my practice and perspective.

We touch on some pretty interesting topics! LISTEN HERE.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego, CA -- Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, Sexologist, College Sexual Health Speaker