Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, sociologist and sexologist, writes her sex advice and gender commentary blog. The sex blog includes relationship advice, free sex education videos, sex tips, sex-positive mindfulness, and podcast interviews.
Have you been disappointed with sex in a long-term relationship? Many have, and I think that's because we're taught a lot of falsehoods about sex. So what are the keys to creating a great sex life? And why do I do the work that I do around sex, gender, and communication? These questions and more were asked when Jim Simcoe, interviewed me...
Read MoreThere are many ways to sexually please a woman. And all women are different. Nonetheless, when the sex editor at Men's Health Magazine came to me and asked for my top tips for pleasing a woman, I offered a few suggestions that I hoped their male readers would add to their sexual tool belts.
Read MoreThere is a right and wrong way to set goals for the new year. The right way involves being clear about what's working and not working for you, where you're headed, what's getting in the way, and then creating structure and accountability. [Interview on San Diego Living]
Read More
Does camping in nature inspire your friskiness? Or does the experience of bugs, dirt, discomfort, and stinkiness quash your libido? I believe that the fresh air and relaxation, with your evenings by a campfire, can offer some outside the box opportunities for sexual connection and play.
"What are the most important things to make sex more enjoyable when camping?" I asked my friends this past weekend. We were seated around the picnic table, enjoying two days and nights of tent camping in a Julian, CA, campground for the 4th of July weekend. And although I was sleeping alone in my tent, I felt inspired to write a blog about sexy time when camping. After some joking and cajoling, our group mind came up with some pretty good tips. (Note: These tips are more specific to campground camping in a tent, instead of RV camping or hardcore backcountry camping.)
1. Comfort. For comfort's sake, I really recommend an air mattress. I understand that this is the opposite of hardcore camping, but for most folks, the physical and mental rigors of "real" camping just won't evoke sexy feelings. I suggest a higher quality self-inflatable air mattress that does not leak air during the night. Otherwise, the hard ground under your butt or knees while trying to roll around in passion can just mean painful sex.
2. Cleanliness. Consider cleanliness and odors, particularly depending on how important these are to each of you. It's great if there are showers and bathrooms available, to keep up with your normal hygiene patterns. If not, bring some wet wipes and baby wipes (for genitals) to spruce up. I also recommend paper towels and water in your tent. All of these can be helpful for before, during, and after sexual play.
3. Privacy. If you or your partner are self-conscious about noise or creating sexy shadow puppets on your tent walls, choose your spot carefully. If possible, choose a tent spot that is in a more secluded area and doesn't have a bright light that will shine on your tent.
4. Slow down. Are you camping at a higher altitude? Then slow down, because even if you're in good physical shape, the exertion of sexual activity with less oxygen can leave your heart pounding -- and not in a good way!
5. Teasing. Also in terms of taking a slower approach, why not start your erotic exchange earlier in the evening by the campfire? Campfires can feel romantic, relaxing, and mindful. Tap into this calm, non-goal-oriented energy to kick things off. This can go in so many directions, such as kissing, touching genitals or breasts through clothing, offering sexual words of affirmation to each other, or sharing sexual fantasies.
6. Bugs. And finally, be aware of bugs such as mosquitoes that can get into your tent. Do a flashlight search of your tent at nighttime to guarantee you won't have mosquitoes nipping at your ass during sex!
One last thought: If you're looking to use your camping time to specifically spice up your sexual play, consider bringing along some new toys, lubes, or sensual items. The highly regarded company Good Vibrations has some sex toy kits and packages that may be a perfect accompaniment to your weekend romp.
I hope you now feel ready to add some spice to your camping this summer!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker
It can be easy to get in a rut when showing your love and affection to your partner. I offer suggestions around building sensuality, expressing appreciation, creating sexy time, and filling your partner's love bucket. Softcup Menstrual Cup company brought me in to be their expert for their February Month of Love - fun folks there, doing good work!
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sex Speaker
Sex is fun…and complicated! While there are a lot of biological components of sexuality, there are also a lot of social, mental and emotional aspects. These often get in the way of enjoying the pleasures of our bodies and the potential for deep connections with others. As a Relationship and Intimacy Counselor, I receive many questions from women about their sex lives; below are five of the most common questions I receive.
1. Am I normal? Is what we’re doing normal?
These questions come from a fear of being judged or not feeling good enough. There may be sexual statistical averages around activities and frequency and tastes, but what really matters is what you like and don’t like, and the same for your partner. You could be perfectly “average” and “normal,” but still have a miserable sex life! Each individual and couple needs to create their own “normal” based on their preferences, needs and desires.
2. Why don’t I feel desire any more? How can I feel passion again?
It is really common for women in long-term relationships to lose their desire. Desire is a tricky thing that we tend to take for granted in the early stages of a relationship. But once those neurochemicals wear off, most women and couples don’t know what to do. The first step is to redefine desire from something that happens to you, to something that you can cultivate. What primes your pump? By this I mean, what can your partner do that helps you feel open to being sexual? Is it doing the dishes for you, massaging your shoulders, or having an eye-to-eye conversation? Focus on what makes you feel loved and nurtured and also makes your partner seem appealing. The second thing you can do is to take responsibility for your own desire. What puts you in the mood, such as reading erotica, fantasizing, or touching yourself? Do these things regularly to kick-start your libido.
3. How can I request my sexual needs without feeling embarrassed?
Read the rest of this blog that I wrote for the Softcup Blog HERE.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sex Speaker, Sociologist
Dr. Jenn is a sociologist and relationship & sexuality speaker who challenges our cultural beliefs around sex, sexual consent, gender roles, and health intimacy, with a mindfulness and compassionate approach. Her site includes a sex blog, free sex education videos, sexuality speaking information, and mindfulness resources.
